Page 126 of Free Heart
Pocketing her phone again, she trains her camera back on me. I smile, trying to remember the KPop VLive lessons I’ve learned.Make the audience feel like they’re witnessingsomething special, something no one else gets to see. Something authentic and real.
For the most part, that’s easy. Weareauthentically about to climb an enormous boulder today, and I’m nervous as fuck about it. I’m not afraid of looking vulnerable or unathletic on camera. It’s not my job in this relationship or on the YouTube channel to be a great climber. That’s Dan’s job, and he seems entirely, authentically excited about the chance to prove it again on even a small scale.
“Sailor, I know he’s pretty, but leave my boyfriend alone,” Dan shouts. “Come film me starting my comeback.”
Sailor rolls her eyes. “Yes, your majesty. Whatever you say.” She hops over logs and crunches through snow to stand closer to the boulder. Camera up, ready.
My gut clenches as I watch Dan lightly limp toward the rock. The mats are spread out beneath to catch him when he falls—and we all know he’ll fall a lot today. I’m anxious about his landings. His leg is healing miraculously by the doctor’s standards, but what if he makes a mistake? What if he has a setback? His misery when he was stuck in bed was so painful to witness. I hate the idea of us going through it again.
But Dan’s up and climbing before I can even wish him luck.
Sailor’s lens is trained on him. I hold my breath as he hauls himself up the side of the rock, using his feet to smear on the cold granite. He hoots at one point, a shrill sound that makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up, but he’s happy.
“He’s strong,” Rye says from beside me. He’s seemed fragile and physically smaller ever since he and Lowell ended whatever they had going, but he puts his hand on my shoulder and squeezes with reassurance. “He’s been training hard on the hanging board, with the weights when Lowell’s with him, and working his leg in the hot tub and in the snow. He’s got this.”
“I know,” I whisper. “That’s part of what scares me.”
Rye squeezes my shoulder again.
My thumb seeks out my ring to spin it anxiously, but it’s not there. I took it off before leaving the house to protect my finger while climbing.
We watch as Dan ascends higher than I’d imagined he would to start. But the crux defeats him after a few minutes of grappling with the complicated holds, and he falls onto his back on the mat below with a cry of triumph.
Sailor’s there filming it all. “Hell, yes!” she shouts. “Perfect!”
“Now, let’s get you going, huh?” Rye says, leading me over to the opposite side of the enormous rock. My nerves flare. I won’t be able to see Dan from here. But Rye’s right to have chosen this angle. The holds here are easier and it leads to a flatter place where I can rest on top. I don’t need to be distracted by watching Dan anyway.
The height of the boulder is unnerving. It’s the same as a two-story house above my head, way bigger than any of the small “climbs” I’ve done with Dan during the day. But there are four different top ropes already secured—placed there by Sailor earlier in the day during her scouting trip of the area, each set up to give a different experience on the boulder.
“You’ve got this,” Rye encourages. “It’s just like at night. Keep your eyes on the rock. Don’t look down.”
I nod, my stomach twisting anxiously. I’m getting ready to put my hands on the rock when I hear Sailor curse loud and long. My heart thumps in my throat and adrenaline nearly shoots through the top of my head.
“Dan!” I cry.
Rye and I rush around the boulder to find that Dan’s still on the boulder, climbing well, but Sailor’s staring at her phone. “Sorry,” she yells up to Dan, putting her camera down out of harm’s way should he fall. “I have to take this call!”
“You’re missing my genius!”
“You’ll be a genius again later. This call needs my attention now.” She quickly confirms that Rye and I are able to monitor Dan’s climb before she turns away from us and stomps off.
“Someone record me,” Dan urges. “How can we sell this to Reel Rock if parts of my comeback are missing?”
Quickly, Rye gets out his phone and trains it on Dan. “She can edit it in later,” he says to me.
I keep my eyes on Dan, ready to deflect his fall to the mat if he starts to go askew.
I don’t mean to eavesdrop, but the wind carries Sailor’s voice directly to us.
“Hi, Uncle Eric. Yes, of course. I already sent the scouting reels to you. I know you preferred the—” She cuts off and seems to listen for a moment. “Like I’ve told you before, I don’t have that connection any longer.”
Dan hits the crux again, works it for a few seconds, and then falls. He laughs as hesplatson the mats with anoof. He grins like a maniac when he sits up.
“Because we broke up!” Sailor shouts. “I can’t call my ex-girlfriend and ask for a favor like that. Can’t you get someone else on this project if it’s that important? Or better yet, let me do the climb with Harris. He’s never been a pain in the ass to work with, and he knows his way around a camera. We don’t need a scientific angle to make the film interesting. We don’t. No, we don’t!”
She has her back to us, but every word is clear. Dan can obviously hear it from where he’s sitting on the mats, dusting the chalk off his hands and glancing her way curiously.
“So, you’re saying it’s this or it’s nothing?” Her voice cracks. “Why? I’ve done everything you’ve asked on the YOSAR project. Plus, I’m getting some really great stuff out here with this recovering climber—you said so yourself! You said you’d help me sell it to Reel Rock or Nat Geo. No, you don’t owe me anything,but you know that I’ve wanted to climb Ingmikortilaq since Honnold and Findlay did, and you’re going to pull that out from under me unless I get Carrie involved?Why?That’s…it’s…no! Just no!”
