Page 38 of Mrs. Pandey
I never realized how much Prashant meant to me until I saw him with someone else. He was the one who fell for me first, who fell harder, who proposed first. But I was the one who used him first, who rejected his love, who mocked his emotions.
I had never felt this kind of burning jealousy before. I was too proud to believe that Prashant would not move on without me.But he had, not only rejected my proposal, but moved on like I never existed.
My fingers trembled as I grabbed my phone and looked at the blank screen. Then I opened WhatsApp. A few texts from Kabir and some colleagues, but nothing from Prashant.
I remembered how we used to talk day and night. Sometimes we stayed on calls so long, we forgot about the training centre protocols. I never broke the rules for anyone except him. He was an exception.
Now we were falling apart, and it was killing me. It felt like someone had taken a trowel and was digging deeper and deeper into my insides.
"We finalized the date...it'll be Friday next week," Mom announced happily as she sat beside me. "Kabir's so happy you finally agreed to marry him, and I can't wait to see you in that red lehenga. God, I'm so excited I have to start the preparations and make a guest list. I'm just waiting for your father to arrive, and then we won't sleep until we marry you off," she winked, squeezing my shoulder. "I'm inviting Kabir's parents for dinner tonight. Is that okay with you?"
"Yeah. I'm even glad you invited them," I smiled. "I want to get to know Kabir's parents better, since they'll become my family in just a few days."
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I was sitting at the dining table with my parents, Kabir, and his parents.
It surprised me that Kabir's parents were also doctors. They were good people as they were calm and soft-spoken. Kabir had a brother who was studying in Europe and was expected to arrive tonight.
My father was the one leading the conversation about wedding preparations, the venue, and the date. I hadn't seen him this happy in the last decade. He never liked Aryan, though he respected Mr. Rathore. That was the only reason he agreed to our marriage back then. But now, I was sure he felt relieved when Aryan called it off.
Kabir sat next to me, smiling at everyone. He nudged me gently and flashed his perfect teeth.
"Are you okay? You seem a little off today. Is there anything you want to say? I'm here for you, Ira," he said, leaning closer so only I could hear. "If you don't want to rush into this marriage, it's totally understandable. I'll take the blame if you want more time or more dates."
"Kabir..." I placed my hand on his, giving him a reassuring smile. "I'm totally fine with it, really."
"Are you sure? Because your eyes are telling a different story," he grinned, tearing a piece of chapatti and popping it in his mouth, chewing it with closed mouth.
Kabir had dining etiquette. If it were Prashant, he'd take a huge bite, eating like a pig all at once. I always hated that behavior. But somehow, it was fun to watch him eat like that he looked kind of funny, sometimes.
"What story do my eyes have, Kabir?" I asked calmly, giving him a serene smile. "Are you a mind reader now?"
"No," he chuckled. "But I've had just enough experience to tell when something's going on in someone's head. Maybe you're not a master at hiding your feelings, but I can see it in your eyes. You've told me everything about Aryan, but I feel like the sadness I see in your eyes doesn't belong to him. It's someone else."
I clenched my fist under the table as guilt crawled into my chest and up to my throat. I swallowed it down.
I had been using Aryan as my shield, as my source of pain. Everyone knew he rejected me, so it was easy. But the truth? I was broken because of Prashant. Sometimes I hated myself for dragging Aryan into this, using him like a sword to save my own ass.
He didn't deserve the hate people threw at him when he married Avni. The real bitch... was me. I was the one who had been sleeping with my batchmate behind Aryan's back.
I should have told everyone it wasn't Aryan who broke my heart. It was Prashant. It was always Prashant.
I wished I had never met Aryan so that I could have accepted Prashant the day he told me he loved me. The day he wrapped his arms around me and whispered those heat-melting words in my ear.
There hadn't been a single day when I didn't think about Prashant. Even when I was with Aryan, I thought of him. When he went on a mission three years ago, I was horrified and proudat the same time. But when he returned, I was just horrified because his hazel eyes told me everything. Every story of what he had endured under militants for three months.
"I think you live in your head more than in the real world," Kabir's voice cut through my thoughts. He was looking at me with quiet concern. "That often happens when we don't want to exist in the real world... when..." he tapped his temple, "...there are too many beautiful memories up here."
"Yeah, I have so many beautiful memories here," I whispered, tapping my own head, "but I want you to be part of them, Kabir."
His eyes widened slightly in surprise.
"Ira..." he sighed and wrapped his arm around my shoulder. "I promise I'll keep you happy."
"I know you will." I smiled sadly. I had never felt this miserable in my life.
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