Page 31 of The Ending is the Best Part
And, with that, he walks away.
The tension between us snaps back with brutal force, hitting me with a brutal dose of reality.We are not friends.He doesn’t trust me any more.Every step he takes away from me is like a whip crack to my heart.
Chapter Eighteen
Two Weeks Left
Istand there for a while and stare at the spot where Xander has just been.After I manage to pull myself together, I head back to my desk.
It’s hard to ignore the whispering from people as they glance between me and Xander.It seems like we’ve been the talk of the town lately.Everyone heard about our trip and now they all see that we’re not talking.It’s just like the day when Meagan pulled me into her office and everyone seemed to know I was in trouble before I did.I’ve had enough of this.I never wanted to the source of the office gossip.I just want things to go back to how they were.
I glance over to Xander’s desk but, to my surprise, he looks just as adrift as I feel.My mind flashes back to the moment when we had that argument in the café, and all I can see is that hurt expression on his face.I hated seeing him like that.I knew how much it took from him to open up to me.And for some reason my accusation was a betrayal to him.
I’m so lost in thought that I barely notice Meagan come up to my desk.
‘Hiya, Yara!’ she says.‘How’s the episode coming along?Two weeks to go!I’m looking forward to reading.’
‘Yeah, it’s… getting there.’ The words sound hollow even to me.
‘If you need anything.Anything at all, you know where to find me.I’m always here to help, even if you just need someone to talk to, okay?’ She sounds concerned.Clearly Xander and I haven’t been pretending to work together as well as I hoped.
I nod absently.But then my thoughts start to spiral.How are we supposed to finish the episode when the guy can barely look at me?My eyes drift towards today’s date on my computer and I groan at the reminder of how quickly the deadline is approaching.We got a lot done before Wales but, now we’re writing separately, I have no idea whether it will all come together.For all I know, Xander could have changed his mind about what I suggested for the final scene and be writing his own new version… what if we can’t agree on the final draft when there’s no time to spare?
As I watch Meagan’s retreating figure, I know that I have to figure out a way to get Xander alone, somewhere he can’t avoid me.There’s too much at stake – my career, the show, whatever friendship we ever had – for me to just let this go.
The moment I see Xander get up from his desk, I seize my opportunity to follow him.I track his movement until he disappears round a corner.I get up.But I take a different route that will lead me to the vending machine, where I know he’ll be.He always goes there around this time of day for a snack, probably a Twirl, and this may be my only chance.
I intercept him just before he reaches the vending machine and latch on to his arm, then drag him with me into the small storage cupboard at the end of the hallway.
He looks surprised but quickly recovers.‘Is this really necessary?’
I close the door of the small room.It’s dark and cramped, with only a single hanging lightbulb above us.All around are stacked papers, tipped cartons that spew pens over the shelves, and a random sword that someone from props must have left here.‘Yes.Yes it is.Wereallyneed to talk.Sorry about this’ – I gesture to the messy storage cupboard around us – ‘but I feel like everyone is talking about the finale and how we’re doing and there’s so muchpressure.’
I look down and see my other hand is still gripping his arm.I hadn’t realised just how small this room really is, hardly any space between us.In the stress of the moment, all I could think about was finding somewhere to talk.But now that we’re here, a wave of nervousness hits me in my stomach.We’re close.I can feel the heat emanating from his chest.The buckle of his belt strays dangerously close to my waist.I look between us again.Yeah… definitely too close.
He looks down at me expectantly.‘Fine, you wanted to talk.So, talk.’ There’s an undeniable hostility in his tone, which drives the knife deeper still.
‘We’re running out of time.You know it, I know it.The deadline is coming up hard and fast and, if we don’t finish it, we’re both screwed!’ My words are frantic as I try to get him to understand the urgency of the situation.I finally gather up the courage to look up at him, my eyes scanning his, trying to gauge his reaction.
But what I find in his gaze devastates me.He’s looking somewhere past, through me.‘We?’ He lets out a cruel laugh.‘There is nowe, Yara!You…’ His breathing is laboured now.He runs a hand through his black hair.Scrunches his eyes closed.‘You made sure of that.’
I feel nauseous.Dangerous to be nauseous in such a small cupboard where my mouth is almost touching his shoulder.I want to escape, get out of here, go somewhere far away.But I can’t.This means too much.
Instinctively, I place my hands on his chest.‘Can we just—Can we just stop for a moment.Please, Xander?’
When he doesn’t reply, I barge onwards, ‘It’s not even about who is going to get the stupid lead credit at this point.But if we don’t hand in a draft of the episode then our jobs could be at stake.This isn’t aboutus.’ I pause to consider whether I want to say my next words.I bite the bullet.‘Even if you want to continue pretending that there isn’t anus.’ There, I said it.But I’m too scared of his response, so I quickly move on, ‘Whatever I said that offended you, we need to get over it because we were always meant to do this together.We make each other better, Ineedyour help… I-Ineedyou.’
‘I’m sorry, Yara.I don’t think we can make this work.I read the scenes you emailed over, they’re good.I’ll write mine and we’ll fit them together.I just think we’re better off on our own.
‘And there isn’t an us.Seriously.It’s like I said in Wales.I don’t believe in love.You do.You’d be better off with someone who can give you what you need.I don’t know, maybe I thought that was changing.’ He looks into the distance, laughing breathlessly, ‘But I was right not to.Giving yourself over in that way, it leaves you open to hurt.Because look at all the hurt we’ve caused each other.You can’t force me to change my mind.’
His words pierce me.Every type of relationship we could have had, whether as colleagues, or friends, or whatever else I might have wished for, has been ruined.Clearly our time in Wales affected him as much as – if not more than – it did me.
‘I know,’ I say, my voice barely audible.‘And for the record, I didn’t want to force you to change.I-I like you just the way you are… most of the time anyway.I like you when we’re arguing about whetherBarbieorOppenheimerwas the better movie.I like you when you’re scribbling ideas in yourterriblehandwriting in your notebook.I like you when you eat your afternoon Twirl and you spill flakes all over your desk.’I let out a sad laugh.I glance up at him and he’s softened, looking bashful after my compliments.‘I just – I really didn’t want us to end like this.’
‘Like what?’ He edges ever closer to me in the small space.His words curl around and into my ear.‘What is it that you want from me, Yara?’
The tension between us shimmers.The air shifts.I look up at him and my lips part.I see his gaze dart to my mouth.His eyes darken, just like they did in the hotel room just before he…
