Page 62 of Felicity Cabot Sells Her Soul
“The thought is as good as the deed.”
She’d long thought that only a phrase used by those who wished to mask their disappointment. But he’d sounded as if he’d meant it. It was enough that she’d thought to do it. More than he’d expected of her, which struck her as rather sad. He was happy enough with a thought—just athought. The thinnest shred of evidence that he had crossed her mind at some point in the day.
“I’ll wait for you,” he said softly. “I’ve waited ten years already.” He adjusted his arm, winding it around her beneath her own, his warm hand cupping hers. “Go to sleep,” he urged. “It’s late.”
“I don’t know if I can,” she whispered. Exhaustion weighed heavily upon her, but anxiety roiled beneath it. Even between blinks, Mama’s self-satisfied smirk flashed before her closed eyes. “I’m so frightened.”
“Felicity—”
“She never cared for any of us at all,” she said. “She named me, and she didn’t know me. I was just…the most convenient daughter to use. The easiest to ruin.” And she would do it if she could.Becauseshe could.
“I won’t let that happen.” He sounded so certain, and she desperately wanted to believe it. “I’m not going to let anyone hurt you.” Gentle fingers stroked her hair. “Just sleep,” he said. “Sleep, and let me do the worrying for both of us.”
How lovely that sounded; as if her worries were merely an object she might set into his hands to carry for her when they had proved too cumbersometo bear herself. How many times had he reached out to her in this manner, extending a hand in offer which she had slapped away? Probably he had come to expect a rebuff—and still it had never stopped him from offering.
“All right,” she said, and felt herself relax a fraction. A fragment of trust extended; the first freshly-constructed moorings of a bridge that had burnt years ago. “All right,” she said again, turning her cheek into the pillow.
And she did sleep. Safely, dreamlessly, straight through until dawn.
Chapter Twenty Four
Felicity had needed the calm comfort of this afternoon tea with Nellie, she thought. Even a few minutes of pleasant, peaceful conversation was an invaluable respite from the chaos that so often reigned in a school populated with so many young ladies. And a much-needed diversion from the strain of other matters.
She had, to the best of her ability, endeavored not to worry. To turn her mind from the dire thoughts that wanted to creep back in despite her best efforts. It was just that it was so much more difficult without Ian’s presence—
“All right,” Nellie said with a grim sigh. “I believe I’ve waited long enough now, don’t you?”
Felicity blinked, startled. “Whatever do you mean?”
“My girl, I’ve known you altogether too long not to be perfectly aware when something is troubling you. Generally,” Nellie said, with a patient look, “I have had only to wait you out. You were always a secretive little thing, you know.”
Felicity pulled a wince, her fingers tightening around her tea cup. Nellie had no idea how secretive she had truly been.
“Whatever troubled you, I always knew you would share it with me when you were good and ready,” Nellie said. “You only required time, I think, to collect yourself, to put your thoughts into order. Has that changed? Or have I—have I become the sort of person you can no longer trust with such things?”
“No, of course not,” Felicity said, reaching out to touch Nellie’s hand. “It’s only…well, there’s rather a lot of thoughts to put into order.” And for so many weeks they had kept shuffling themselves like playing cards, and Ian—Ian had slipped so many new thoughts into her deck, turning them all topsy-turvy again.
Shehadalways come to Nellie with her problems. If only for the comfort of an understanding soul who had always had her best interests at heart.The things which now plagued her…they were, in essence, the only secrets she had ever kept from Nellie. Which made them all the more difficult to speak of now.
She said, tentatively, “You’ve asked so little about my marriage.”
“I assumed you would tell me,” Nellie said, “if there was aught you wished for me to know. Naturally, I have got my questions. But a marriage is such a private thing, and I have never wished to invade your privacy only to satisfy my own curiosity.” Carefully, cautiously, she asked, “Is there something you wish for me to know?”
Felicity chewed her lower lip, uncertain. “You must have wondered what brought it about so…”
“Quickly?” Nellie inquired, and at Felicity’s weak nod, she continued, “Of course. I’m not a complete lackwit, my dear. Although I confess I am somewhat surprised that you managed to keep a romance secret from me.”
“It wasn’t a romance,” Felicity blurted out. “At least, it wasn’t a romance when we married.” Oh, blast—she still hadn’t managed to order her thoughts into any semblance of coherence. “I mean to say, it wasn’t a romancethen. Itwasa romance...many years ago.”
“Many…?Oh. Oh, my.” Nellie took a bracing sip of her tea. “I’ve no idea how you managed to pull the wool over my eyes,” she said lightly, “and at this point, I’m uncertain whether I owe you admonishment or admiration.”
“Nellie!”
“What, did you think I had never set so much as a toe beyond the bounds of propriety?” Nellie gave a little scoff. “I was young once, my dear. I might have created more than a fair few scandals in my time, had I not the good sense to exercise discretion. As you clearly have.”
Heat crept into Felicity’s cheeks. “We parted on poor terms, Ian and I,” she said. “I never expected to speak with him again. But when the school was in jeopardy—whenyouwere in jeopardy—he was the only one to whom I could turn. He agreed to aid me on the condition of marriage.”
Nellie gave a gasp of outrage. “He manipulated you into marriage?” she asked, laying one hand over her heart as she recoiled at the shock of it, her tea cup trembling in the lax grip of her fingers. “And I had thought him so kind! So generous!”
