Page 105 of Written in the Stars
“Brendon.” She choked. “I can’t. I can’t love her. I can’t do it.”
He squeezed the top of her shin and made a soft sound in the back of his throat, half hum and half cough. “I don’t think it’s a matter of can or can’t. You either do or you don’t, and I think we both know you do. There’s— If I make a Yoda joke, will you kill me?”
“Yes.”
He smiled. “You feel how you feel and that’s not going to change just because you didn’t tell her, because you didn’t say the words. I mean, you didn’t stop loving her after the party the other night, did you? How you feel... that’s not really the question, is it? It’s whether you’re going to let Elle in. Whether you’re going to let her love you the way you deserve to be loved, Darce.”
Would Elle even want to hear how she felt, or was it too late? What if Elle turned her away? Or worse, what if everything went perfect, only to go wrong again in a month, six months, two years?
There was no accounting for anything when it came to love and that was terrifying.
“Come on,” Brendon said. “What’s the worst that could happen?”
Darcy swallowed. “I’m scared.”
Brendon’s brow furrowed like he wasn’t expecting her to admit it, to finally say it. But it was about time she finally owned up to the fact that she was constantly terrified. That her fears had come true and the hope of fixing this only to fail all over again was almost enough to make her throw in the towel and never put herself out there again.
“That’s normal, Darce. Everyone’s scared. You wouldn’t be human if you weren’t.”
But not everyone was afraid ofthis. “I don’t want to be like Mom. She built her entire life around Dad and... look how that turned out.”
Maybe Darcy hadn’t built her lifearoundNatasha, but she’d built a lifewithher and when that life had come crashing down, there was no clean break, no easy way to separate out the parts of that life that belonged to her alone. There was too much overlap, too much muddying of the waters. She’d lost her apartment and her friends, save for Annie. Darcy still had her job, so no, it wasn’t exactly the same as Mom, but the fear of everything else crumbling around her again, the thought of having to rebuild her life all over again, after having already done it once, was suffocating enough to make the differences in their situations feel nominal. It was the whole reason why she’d sworn off dating and buried herself in her work and exam prep in the first place.
“I’m not trying to take anything away from you or downplay what happened with Natasha—you went through a breakup, a really bad breakup granted, but it’s not the same. That’s not the type of person you are.” Brendon took a deepbreath. “Running at the first sign of something serious because you’re afraid someone’s going to hurt you isn’t any better. You’re just going to hurt yourself like you’re hurting right now. And you’re going to keep hurting until you do something to fix it. Try. Be honest with her. Trust her.”
Darcy had a choice. Not whether to love Elle, because Brendon was right. There was no choice in that. What she was going to do about it was a different matter. Because maybe she couldn’t control what happened in a month or six months or a year or twenty years, but she could do something about this. Here and now.
Brendon’s lips quirked as if he knew what was going through her head.
Darcy scrunched the hem of her shirt in her hands, wringing the fabric. “What if I’m too late?”
“You love her?”
Darcy screwed up her face.Obviouslyor she wouldn’t be in this pathetic state on her bathroom floor crying over glitter. Not that she didn’t appreciate the wake-up call, but why did it have to beglitter?
Brendon laughed at her expression and kicked her gently. “Then it’s not too late. It’s never too late if you love someone.”
“Wow,” Darcy teased. “You sound like a Hallmark card.”
“What occasion would that be? Belated anniversary? Birthday? Just because?”
“It’s going to besympathyif you don’t get out of my apartment.” Darcy smiled, softening the threat. She grabbed the counter and used it to heave herself to standing. “I have to clean myself up and figure out what I’m going to say.” Herheart raced frantically. No matter what Brendon said, this was going to be no small undertaking.
“I’m good with grand gestures if you need help.” He cracked his knuckles and hopped to standing. “My favorite movies have prepared me for this.”
Darcy was less concerned with what todoand more concerned with what tosay. “I’m going to have to tell her... everything.”
Darcy gritted her teeth. Fun.
“About that.” Brendon raked his fingers through his hair, wincing sharply. “Don’t hate me, but I, uh, might’ve meddled.” He held up his hand, thumb and index finger nearly touching. “A little.”
***
Darcy shifted the potted plant in her arms and grimaced.
Too late to ask Brendon for advice on grand gestures now. Standing in front of the door to Elle’s apartment was it. Showtime.
Darcy knocked just below the shiny silver wreath hanging lopsided from a Command Strip hook. Then she waited. And waited. And—
