Page 32 of The Fiancée Farce
She didn’t, not completely, not yet. But she really did want to. She could let herself trust Gemma.
“Anyway, it’s not always easy. That’s kind of how I got myself—us—into this mess, remember? I lied about having a girlfriend because I wanted an excuse for ditching family dinners when I knew Tucker would be in attendance.”
She should’ve just told Katherine the truth, that she couldn’t stand to be around Tucker, but that would’ve opened up a whole can of worms and would’ve forced her to tell Katherine about what happened years ago. And there was a part of her that was terrified Katherine would react badly. That she would choose Tucker and the social status she gained from being quasi-related to the Van Dalens over Tansy.
Worrying about it was one thing. Actually facing it? Maybe it made her a coward, but she’d pass.
“I don’t know.” Gemma smiled, voice lilting. “It’s not so bad, this mess of ours.”
Ours.That was nice. Feeling like—knowingthat she wasn’t in this alone.
“Could be worse.” She offered Gemma a shy smile.
“Ooh.” Gemma pressed a hand to her chest and grinned. “You do know the way to a girl’s heart.”
Speaking of hearts, Tansy’s beat quicker the longer Gemma’s eyes lingered, that smile of hers going soft.
Now that Gemma was here, maybe she’d like to stay awhile. Maybe they could talk. Get to know each other better. Sans trauma. “Gemma—”
“I should probably get out of your hair,” Gemma said, standing. “Seeing as I did drop by unannounced. Sorry for that, by the way. Patience isn’t exactly my strong suit.”
“No, really?” Tansy stood, one hand pushing off the coffee table. “Had me fooled.”
“Shut up.” Gemma laughed and knocked Tansy’s shoulder with hers on their way to the front door. “Seriously. Iamsorry for showing up out of the blue. It’s just that... I might not always be the most honest person”—Gemma tucked her hair behind her ears, eyes rolling—“but I don’t wantusto lie to each other. I know this marriage isn’t conventional, but I’d like it if we could be partners.” Gemma reached out, pulling up the shoulder of Tansy’s robe, which had slipped without her realizing it. Gemma’s fingers lingered, smoothing the material so that it lay flat against Tansy’s shoulder. “I want us to be able to trust each other. I’d like it if we could be friends.”
Her mouth was suddenly dry, and it took several swallows to get it to work. “Friends. I’d like that. And, for what it’s worth, I didn’t lie to you. I just don’t talk about what happened. Not with anyone.”
“I get it. And no pressure, but you can talk to me. About it. If you want.” Gemma’s nose scrunched. “Or notwant. I doubt you want to talk about it, but if you need to, I’m here.”
“Thanks.” Warmth flooded her chest. “I really appreciate that.”
“No big.” Gemma paused. “Can I ask you a question?”
Tansy nodded.
“Why did you lie?” Gemma asked. “To your family? Why did you fake a relationship?”
She frowned. “I told you. I wanted a decent excuse to get out of family dinners.”
“No.” Gemma shook her head. “I get that. I mean, you’re beautiful and have a great sense of humor and are moderately well-adjusted.” Her lips twitched. “Why not find someone—” She paused, head cocking, hair spilling over her shoulder. “A girl? Guy? I—sorry, I meant to ask.”
She shrugged. Her brain was still stuck on Gemma calling her beautiful. “I’m bi.”
Gemma nodded. “So why didn’t you find someone to date for real? Unless that’s not something you’re interested in?”
“No, that’s not it.” Tansy let the satin sash of her chiffon robe slide between her fingers. “Dating gives me anxiety. Or I guess it makes the anxiety I already have worse. Or the anxiety I already have makes the dating worse? Point being, I know dating is, in theory, supposed to be fun. And it’s not. Add in the fact that I don’t trust very many people...”
She trailed off, hoping Gemma could fill in the blanks.
“So you’ve what? Just resigned yourself to a life spent alone?” Gemma held up her hands. “No indictment. I just want to understand.”
She... she didn’t know.
She didn’t want to be alone, not forever, but when it came to the specifics of how to rectify her desire to find someone with her fears, Tansy hadn’t thought that far in advance. “I’m sure I’ll put myself out there eventually.” She laughed. “I do sort of have bigger things to worry about right now.”
“This is true. You aren’t exactly on the market now, are you?” The corners of Gemma’s mouth rose. “Speaking of, I was thinking—what’s your schedule look like this week?”
“My schedule? I work Monday through Saturday. Why?”
