Page 80 of The Devil She Knows
“Shh,” Daphne hushed her gently, clutching their clasped hands to her chest. “You will care. Maybe not today, but you will. You want a life, to share it with someone. And you deserve that. You do. But the best I can give you, the best I’lleverbe able to give you is a pale imitation. One day, you’ll grow to resent me, and I can’t—” Her voice broke, and she shook her head. “One day, you might even try to do something stupid. That wish you have left? Ten years from now, thirty, fifty, it might start to look worth it, but it won’t be. It won’teverbe, okay? So don’t—don’t get any ideas. Not about any of it.”
Her chest throbbed, her heart pounding out a rhythm ofwait, no, stop. “Why does this feel like you’re saying goodbye?”
“One day, hopefully soon, you’re going to find somebody who deserves you.” Daphne’s voice cracked, splinters finding a home in Sam’s chest making it hard to breathe. “Somebodywho won’t ask you to change. Who won’t ever ask you to shrink yourself because they’re intimidated by you. Becausetheyrefuse to grow. You will find a girl who loves you for exactly who you are, Samantha Cooper, and it will be everything you’ve ever dreamed of and more. All right?”
Sam clenched her eyes shut and several hot tears slipped out, wetting her cheeks. “No, I don’t want—”
“You’ll forget about me,” Daphne whispered, but the words hit their mark, snatching the breath from Sam’s lungs, leaving her winded. “All of this will feel like a fever dream. A mid-October’s nightmare. But, Sam.Sweetheart.” She exhaled sharply, breath hot against the back of Sam’s hand, cradling her fingers like they were something precious, lips brushing Sam’s knuckles like she could impress her words upon Sam’s skin. Leave a mark. “You can’t forget … you can’t forget that you are one in a million.” She laughed and the sound pierced Sam in the gut. “Nine hundred and ninety-nine as the case may be.”
Sam sniffed hard and shook her head, trying to clear her thoughts. “No. That’s—that’sbullshit. There’s got to be a way that—”
“Sam.” Daphne smiled at her, eyes wet. “Baby,” she said, and Sam’s heart broke. “Don’t you think I’ve tried everything?”
“Sure, but … I … um.” Her head felt heavy, her limbs, her eyelids, too. Like she’d had too much to drink. “I don’t—I don’t want to forget.”
Not Daphne, not how she’d made her feel. Not any of this.
Daphne stroked her fingers through Sam’s hair. “I know,”she said soothingly, and she sounded sad. So sad. And Sam … she didn’t want her to be sad. Not ever. But she felt like … Jell-O. Like she was swimming in it. Sweet, sweet cherry Jell-O.
Sam sighed. “I love Jell-O.”
“Yeah?” Daphne asked, voice cracking like she was on the verge of tears. Which didn’t make much sense. “Tell me what you like about it.”
Sam snuggled close. “It’s warm and—”
She yawned.
Daphne wrapped her arm around Sam’s waist, drawing her closer, rearranging them until she was spooned behind Sam. Her lips brushed against the back of Sam’s neck. “Sleep now, Sam. We’ll talk about it in the morning, okay?”
Everything was syrupy sweet, and Sam was so, so sleepy.
17
SAM STIRRED AWAKE slowly, rolling over and drawing her knees up to her chest. The other side of the bed was empty, the sheets unrumpled, cool to the touch. Not a bad dream, then. A part of her had hoped it had been. That she’d have woken up and everything would’ve been all right. But it wasn’t. Last night had really happened.
Hannah had ended things. Hannah didn’t want to be with her anymore, and Sam was okay with that.
She frowned.
She was okay with that?
She held her breath, waiting for the grief to wash over her, for the denial she’d felt last night to kick in, to feel the all-consuming need to do anything and everything in her power to win Hannah back.
It didn’t come.
Maybe sleep had given her perspective. Maybe it had kick-started the grieving process. She could come up with noother rational—semi-rational—explanation for why she was so … at peace with this.
What Sam needed to figure out now was what a life without Hannah in it looked like.
Melissa would let Sam crash on her couch, of that she was sure, but she couldn’t do that for longer than a week, two max, not with Nacho and Pumpkin. She still needed to pick them up from the vet. And swing by a liquor store to see if they had any spare boxes, because she might not have a lot, but she definitely owned more than would fit in the single suitcase she’d moved to the city with.
She’d have to call a moving company and start looking at apartments and—shit. Sam hated to have to do it, but she was going to have to call out. There simply weren’t enough hours in a day for her to get everything done she needed to and go to work.
“Samantha,” Coco answered on the third ring. “It’s early.”
“Sorry.” Sam rubbed her forehead. “But I needed to catch you early because this is time sensitive. I know it’s short notice, and I really hate to ask, but I’m going to need the next few days off.”
“Are you sick?”
