Page 69 of Cinder
As they stepped through one of the castle’s exterior doors, the candle light behind them, Cin drew Lorenz around by the hand, taking his other as well. “I know what you think you’re saving me from, but I want a life with you, whether we can remove your bonds or not.”
The soft light in Lorenz’s eyes made Cin feel weak and warm, but the prince swallowed and took a breath, asking with all solemnity, “Would you give up the Plumed Menace for it? Come live at the castle? Marry me and take the throne at my side?”
In the heat of their emotions and passion, Cin had nearly forgotten the blood on his hands—the blood in his future. Unless he chose to stop. It had been the only thing that held himtogether during the week alone with his family, but if he had Lorenz, maybe…
Where would that put him though, in a castle, as a king?
His whole body still revolted at the idea.
Lorenz didn’t want that life either, though. And Cin could tell himself that meant they would be suffering through it together, but there was a better way, a way for them both to be happy. A future worth walking toward, hand in hand.
“I won’t give up on creating justice, but we can find a different way, together… if you come away with me.” Cin felt like he was sliding into a well, reaching out and asking the love of his life to fall in after him, but he kept on anyway. “We could go wherever we wished, be responsible only to each other. It would be a good life.”
And it would be. It would be spectacular.
In the silence that followed, Cin could hear the sounds of celebration from the direction of the main gardens, music and laughter and a kind of tension that was palpable even from there. But it all seemed meaningless compared to the war that shadowed across Lorenz’s face.
Cin couldn’t tell what emotion was winning, but with each second that passed, he knew, with a terrible onslaught of dread, that their relationship was losing.
“I…” A shine came over Prince Lorenz’s eyes.
Cin wanted to shove him away and wanted, too, to pull him so close and never let him go.
“When I look at you, Iwantto be with you, more than anything,” Lorenz finally managed. “But my parents and my kingdom have both already been abandoned by one prince. No matter how much happier it would make me to run off with you into the sunset, I have a people who have given me and my family everything, and I can’t ignore that, certainly not while I still bear my brother’s crown in my chest.”
Cin’s throat caught. This all rested on Adalwin, on a man who’d vanished so many years ago, but after what Cin had seen in the forest last week…
It wasn’t a strong enough hope to be worth clouding Lorenz’s judgment, not as uncertain as Cin still was, but there was a chance, if he could lead the prince back there, that perhaps they’d find out together—could fix everything with the snap of monster’s fingers.
“What if you gave them something different in return?” Cin lifted Lorenz’s hands to his chest, clutching them there. “We could search for what happened to your brother. My flock can guide us through the forest, and you will know what to look for—we have a better chance together than the crown’s watch ever did. And perhaps even, along the way, we’ll be able to pull that broken crown out of your heart, even if it’s one small piece at a time.”
“I would love that.” The words Lorenz spoke said yes, but everything about him contradicted that, from the misery in his voice to the desperation in his gaze. He would love it, in any sense he was capable, that was true. But he still wouldn’t let himself.
From around the bend of the castle, towards the gardens, a distinct trumpet tune sounded: the signal for the arrival of the queen and king of Hallin.
“My parents,” Lorenz said, as though everyone in the kingdom didn’t know—and love—that sound. But right now, Cin hated it.
“You have to go back to them, don’t you?” he forced himself to say. It felt, suddenly, stupidly, like it had always been the only option, and with each word, Cin’s dread turned to something worse, wrenching at his insides as though trying to tear him apart piece by piece. He wanted to cling to Lorenz even harder.But what if I need you more than they do, he wanted to cry. Cinhad beenneededall his life though, and need was not always a good thing.
Lorenz gave Cin’s fingers a squeeze. “Just for now. Let me think on your offer.”
Cin’s heart sank. “But when you step back into your castle tonight, won’t you stop caring for me? Your parents will have announced you a partner. You’ll have a whole new life ahead of you.”
“That’s why I have to think on it.” Lorenz smiled sadly. “I have to know that I can make the choice to leave my position, my future, even when I’m not with you, or I’ll cause us both pain in the end.”
“All right.” It was the hardest thing Cin had ever said. But if Lorenz needed this… If Cin had to let go before he could hold on… He tried to smile back. “You’ll know where to find me.”
They walked, hand in hand, but it was not into the future. Not yet.
Instead, they emerged into a garden full of light and sound. The change in atmosphere was blinding, Cin’s emotions flaring like they could shield him from the festivities. Lights had been lit throughout the meandering walkways, the chill of the night pushed out by bonfires and bodies—far more than the guest count for the main part of the ball. It seemed that all the kingdom’s people still awake at that ungodly hour of the early morning had been invited, with what had to be every one of the crown’s watch to guard them.
Before they’d made it ten paces in, one of the wealthy arrivals wrapped an arm around Lorenz’s shoulder, pulling him into a conversation. His fingers slipped from Cin’s. He seemed to be trying to catch Cin’s eye over his shoulder, but a drunk couple stumbled between them, laughing as they bumped into each other. Beyond them, he swore he could see the top of Floy’s hat. It seemed like a sign that the moment he were back in thepublic eye, Cin would always be losing Lorenz to the people who disliked Cin most. His heart felt too light and small, a sick knot in his gut.
The outer wall of the castle was so close. He could just leave. Leave and never look back; that might be easier on his heart. Get free before the full weight of the pain set in. Walk into the sunset with himself. It should have been enough.
Yet the top of Lorenz’s head still bobbed, now a few more people between them, lifting and turning like he was searching for Cin in the crowd. At some point, Cin would have to leave, but a part of him needed to know how the announcement went.
He pushed through the crowding guests, muttering apologies as he went, but as he focused on one gaggle of party-goers in front of him, he paused. Was that…Dorthe?
