Page 69 of October
“I have been with someone who isn’t her.”
“You went on one casual date, Molly. She’s not thinking about a wedding or anything. Just text her and tell her you will message again when things calm down.”
“But I like Finley. I want things to work out with her.”
“I know. You can tell herthat, if you want.”
“Why did I finally give it a shot with someone else, and then, Finley tells me she’s interested?”
“The universe is conspiring against you?”
“Yes, that’s what it feels like. I don’t want Ava to think I’m a bad person.”
“Then, text her and tell her the truth.”
“That I forgot about her because Finley made out with me in the server room, and I almost let her do other things to me, too?”
“What?!”
“Don’t yell in my ear, Juliet,” Molly said. “And yes, you heard right.” She smirked. “It was amazing.”
“You made out with her?”
“Yes. And I want to do it again tonight.”
“Then, get into the office and make those plans. I’m proud of you, Molls,” Juliet said. “You used to not be able to say a full sentence around the woman, and now, you’re thinking about having sex with her in the server room.”
“Growth takes time, I guess,” Molly replied in jest but turned serious. “I think of my dad sometimes, you know? When I feel those issues coming to the surface, I think about him. I know he hardly left the house, and I don’t havethatproblem, but sometimes, just thinking about talking to someone like Finley is hard for me. Just sitting in that bar that night for more than ten minutes, I would’ve been proud of myself. Logan and Rory were there and made it easier, but it was still a big step for me. You weren’t there, and normally, I would’ve just stayed home.”
“Molly, you’re making out with the woman you’ve been in love with for a long time. I’d say you’re taking some pretty big, scary steps right now. That’s a big deal, and I’m proud of you.”
“Thanks,” she said, feeling a bit sheepish because her friend shouldn’t have to be proud of her for kissing a woman she liked.
They hung up a minute later after Molly checked the time again, and before getting out of the car, she sent Ava a quick text saying that she’d gotten busy with things, but she would check in with her later. She hoped that would be good enough for now, at least. She sat in the car another moment, staring at the concrete wall in front of her with the sign on it that read,‘Parking for Employees Only,’and thought about her dad again. She had never considered herself to be someone like him, really. She had always thought of herself as just shy or introverted more than anything, but after she lost him, Mollyhadstarted to wonder. She could identify times in her life where she’d beenoverwhelmed simply standing in line at the grocery store, where there was no one behind her and she was next up.
There were times when she and Juliet had gone to a bar, and she had been fine until Juliet went to the bathroom and she’d been on her own. There were other times when Molly insisted they go out to celebrate something, though, and she had been proud of herself for suggesting that and making the effort to be social or meet new people. It didn’t hit her all the time, but sometimes, she wondered why people even wanted to hang out with her. She was boring and ate like a kid most days. She could make it through a football game in a giant stadium without issues and go on a tour around the city, and things were fine, but then, she would have a morning like this one, where she was doubting herself.
They’d had a great call the previous night, but even she could tell that something had been off with Finley. She’d been funny and sweet, as always, and they had talked about Molly adopting Wells, but then, Finley had gotten quiet, and Molly had chalked it up to being tired, but it seemed like maybe there was more to it than that. As amazing as their call had been, she still thought about that as she climbed out of her car and headed into the office.
She stopped when she saw India standing just outside the garage that ended about twenty feet before the office building door, and she didn’t know what to do. There was another exit, but she’d have to walk all the way around the garage and then into the front door just to get inside, and thatwouldmake her late for her first meeting. She also didn’t think she could face India this morning after what she’d seen yesterday.
“I know. I know,” India spoke into the phone. “I just think it’s silly. She’s dating someone else.”
Molly’s eyes widened, and she looked around, trying to plan her exit. She could jump behind the concrete pillar next to hershould India turn around, but that would look ridiculous if she got caught.
“I still think we’re supposed to be together. I can’t help it. Maybe I’m crazy, but it’s Finley, you know?” India paused. “I went over there last night and–” India stopped to listen again.
Molly swallowed hard and felt the all-too-familiar stomach roiling sensation she felt whenever she thought about India and Finley kissing in this very parking garage. India had been at Finley’s. Finley’s plans the previous night had involved her ex-girlfriend, not taking apart or building computers like Molly had assumed.
“No, but I don’t understand why we can’t just have a conversation and then do what we used to do.” India paused. “I know. I just miss her. I… I know. I know.” Pause. “Shit. I need to get inside. I have a meeting. Want to talk later so I can vent some more? I think I need it.” India waited for a reply. “Great. I’ll text you later.”
Molly stood frozen in place, unable to move, but if India turned even slightly, she would spot her, and she’d be able to put together that Molly had been listening in on her phone call. Fortunately, India turned the other way and walked inside, letting the door close on its own behind her, while Molly still stood there, not knowing what to do.
Finley’s mood during their call last night suddenly made sense now. Having no time to sulk, though, because she had two minutes to get to her first meeting, Molly forced her feet to move and walked inside. India, thankfully, had already gotten into an elevator by that point, so Molly could avoid that awkward moment and wait for her own ride upstairs. She arrived at her desk in time to drop her stuff and hurry off to her meeting.
Unable to focus on what Stacey was saying, she doodled mindlessly in a notebook and waited for the meeting to end so that she could get out of this room, fake sick, and head home towork from there for the rest of the day. She even coughed a few times and cleared her throat to make it seem like it was hurting. To really sell it, at a lull in the conversation, she asked if anyone had a cough drop and hated that she’d done it a second later when someone handed her the only one they had in their bag, a honey lemon one, which meant it was a cough drop that actually tasted like a cough drop and not one that tasted like candy and probably didn’t work. She had no choice but to pop it into her mouth, though, and after the meeting was over, she spat it out into a trash can once she made sure that no one could see her.
When she returned to her desk and saw Finley sitting at her own, facing away from her, Molly wished she had Juliet to grab her things for her so that she could just go home and text her later. Instead, she forced herself to be mature and deal with this by promptly sitting down at her desk and not saying anything. She avoided Finley’s gaze and hello for the next hour and then got up to go to the bathroom. In there, she splashed water on her face and stared into the mirror. When the door opened, she worried it would either be Finley or India, and the thought of it being either of them was too much. Her heart was racing too fast, and she needed to calm down.
