Page 72 of October
“But why? You act like I’m something special. I’m just a nerd you met at work who happens to like the same football team you do.”
“You’re Finley,” Molly said with a smile, but still stared at the concrete. “You’re the woman I’ve wanted for a long time now, and I see India, who walks around here like she owns the place,includingyou, and it’s hard. I can still see the two of you kissing in this very parking garage. And when I heard her talking to whomever she was talking to earlier, it was like everythingcame crashing in all at once. I finally got to be with you, even if it was only a few dates and an amazing kiss, but I don’t know that I can be someone who’s confident enough to compete with someone like India.”
“No one’s asking you to. There’s no competition, Molly. I don’t want her. I want you.” She reached for Molly’s hand, but Molly didn’t move her own from her thigh, so Finley just touched it briefly and pulled back.
“It’s not you. There’s something wrong with me. I don’t know. Maybe Idohave what my dad had, just to a smaller extent. The therapist I went to as a teenager said I was fine, but I’m starting to wonder.”
“The anxiety thing?”
“Some things are hard for me, and I think this is one of them.”
“I make you anxious?”
“Not knowing what to expect makes me anxious. Not knowing if you’re going to dump me either for India, someone else, or no one at all makes me anxious. Thinking about going out to a bar one night and seeing another woman hit on you and not being able to do anything about it because I’d be too scared makes me anxious.”
“Molly,” Finley began and placed her hand back on top of Molly’s. “I don’t know what’s going to happen, either. No one does. I can tell you that I’m not getting back together with India. I can say that I want you and only you. But I don’t know what the future holds.Youcould dumpme.”
Molly laughed and said, “Yeah, right.”
“It could happen. You haven’t come over yet, expecting us to go out to eat, only to find me with my noise-canceling headphones on the floor, working on my computer, having forgotten about the date completely.”
“That wouldn’t be enough for me to dump you, Finley.”
“Okay. Well, I’m not a doctor or anything, so I’m not going to give you a diagnosis, but have you ever thought that the anxiety you’re feeling about me is because it’s a new relationship? Everyone gets anxious when it matters, Molly. I’m anxious right now.”
“You are? Why?”
“Because you just told me that this was over,” she said and shook her head. “Did you forget that part?”
“It’s too scary, Finley.” Molly shook her head. “I don’t think I can handle it.”
“Why not? We can handle it together.”
“But I can’t,” Molly said, and tears welled in her eyes. “I just need to go home, Finley. I need to be alone and think.”
Finley pulled her hand back, feeling like Molly probably didn’t want to be touched right now.
“Okay,” she said. “But can you just promise me something?”
“What?”
“I’m sorry you overheard India talking. I don’t know what she said, but if I need to yell at her for hurting you, I will, Molly.”
“That’s not a promise,” Molly said.
“Don’t give up on this yet,” Finley pled. “It’s new. It’s scary, I know. I’m scared, too. But it’s supposed to be scary right now, Molly. It’s only been two dates. We work together. There’s my ex-girlfriend and all the baggage there. There’s the fact that you liked me, and I didn’t know it. I liked you when I was trying to end things with India. I know it’s a lot, but the other night, when I held you, it felt right, Molly. I loved holding you like that. And when we kissed yesterday,thatwas real. That was the best kiss I’ve had in a long time; maybe my best first kiss ever. I should have told you about India being there on our call, but I wanted to buy you lunch today and talk about our date tonight. I was going to see if I could maybe stay over and just sleep next to you, or ask if you’d want to stay with me. I will take this thingas fast or as slow as you want. All I ask is that you don’t give up on it when it’s right here, Molly; this thing that we could have that could be exactly what we both need. It’s right here.” Finley took a chance and reached over, and Molly didn’t pull away when Finley pressed her hand to Molly’s heart how she’d done the other night, leaving it there for a moment before she pulled it back and covered her own heart. “It’s here, okay? When you’re ready.”
Molly just gave her a small nod, which Finley took as an agreement.
“Will you do me one more favor? Will you please text me later so that I know you’re okay? If you don’t want to text me, have Jules do it or something. I just need to know that you’re okay, Molls.”
“I’ll text you. I can at least handle that much.”
“Thank you,” Finley replied, meaning it. “Should I go now?”
“I’m sure you have work you’re missing because you’re trying to deal with me.”
“Molly, I’m notdealingwith you. I’mtalkingto you. God, I wish you could see yourself how I see you.” She shook her head. “You’re who I want, okay? Just… remember that while you’re doing that thinking you need to do.”
