Page 99 of Shattered Veil
“I... I don’t know,” I admit, resisting the urge to pace.“But I want to try. Tell me what you need from me.”
Brigid’s eyes narrow.“What I need? I needed you to believe in me. To trust me. I needed you not to treat me like I was tainted.” Her voice grows heated.“I needed you not to fuck me and then act like I disgusted you.”
I flinch at her words, shame burning through me.“I know. I fucked up.“ Her eyes are hard, but I deserve every bit of her anger.“You’re right,” I say, my voice rough.“I was a coward. My past, my beliefs, they kept me from doing the right thing. I let my fear control me.”
“Fear of what?” she demands.
“Of feeling something real,” I confess.“Of letting someone in after losing everyone. And yeah, of your magic too. I’ve spent so long hating shadow magic, convinced it took my family from me. Finding out I might’ve been wrong... it’s shaken everything I thought I knew.”
I stop and take a breath. What I’m about to say next is something I’ve only just started to allow myself to think about. Speaking it out loud, that makes it too real.
“I found out some things about my family’s murder. It wasn’t shadow magic rebels who killed them.” I swallow hard.“The Council. They lied. Used it as propaganda to start the war.” My jaw tightens.“Everything I believed... it was all bullshit.”
She’s quiet, processing.“That must have been hard to learn.”
I nod, not trusting my voice.
“So what now?” Brigid asks.
“Now I face the truth,” I say.“About the Council, about shadow magic... about you.” I risk a glance up at her face.“I feel the bond. Between you and me. It makes me think of you when you’re not there. Makes me dream of you. I want to know where you are at all times. I can’t get away from it.”
“You can’t get away from it,” she repeats.“You sure the fuck have tried, Lochan.”
“I know. That’s on me. Me and my boneheadedness. I know I’ve pushed you away.”
“You’ve done more than that.” Brigid turns away from me.“Do you know how it feels to be vulnerable and exposed, to let someone in, like I let you inside me, and then they look at you like you’re nothing?”
Shame burns through me as images of that day race through my mind. Of Brigid naked against the tree, my cock buried deep inside her. How we fucked. How I pulled out and left her standing there, with what I’d just done dripping out from between her legs. How I tossed her clothes at her and just left. I just left.
I left my mate. My fucking mate.
“I feel that every time I look at you and see the hurt I’ve caused.”
Brigid’s eyes flash.“Don’t you dare try to make this about your pain.”
“You’re right. I’m sorry.” I don’t know what to do with my hands so I shove them in my pockets.“I’m fucking this up. Again.”
She sighs, some of the fight leaving her.“What do you want from me, Lochan?”
“A chance,” I say.“To show you I can be better. To prove I’m not that asshole anymore.”
“And if I say no?”
The thought makes my chest ache, but I force myself to say,“Then I’ll respect that. I’ll leave you alone if that’s what you want.”
Brigid studies me intently.“I don’t know what I want yet.”
It’s not a yes, but it’s not a no either. I’ll take it.
“Okay,” I nod.“That’s fair. Take all the time you need.”
She turns to leave, but pauses at the door.“Lochan?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m glad you told me. About your family.” She doesn’t smile, doesn’t even really look at me.
But it’s a start.
