Page 64 of Just My Puck
She shrugs. “That’s true, I guess.”
“Let’s just hope that when you remember your past, it doesn’t instill doubts in you. But even if it does, I’ll be there to encourage you and remind you that you can do it.”
She cocks her head to the side, her expression soft. “You’re the sweetest man alive, Caleb Hawthorne.”
“I try.” A smile pulls at my lips. “Just remember that when you realize you don’t like brown-haired guys or hockey players.” I wink, trying to lighten the mood, but it’s also a pretty obvious attemptto ease my insecurities. I should feel embarrassed for admitting that to her, but it’s true.
Her eyes fill with warmth as she caresses my hand with her forefinger. “As if I could ever forget that. You’re everything to me, Caleb, and that’s never going to change.”
My heart soars to new heights. I really hope that’s true, because I’ve never been happier than I am now, in this moment. And I want it to last forever.
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"He broke the curse, just like in a fairytale."
Aria
A few days have passed since our amazing first date, and I still smile when I think about it. Caleb is at practice, preparing for the team’s first post-break game tonight at the Raptors arena, and I’m excited to go to another game with the girls. Aside from my session with Dr. Stuart, I spend all day writing and rewriting parts of my manuscript. I’m really feeling it taking shape. The girls gave me great advice, and I can’t wait to send them the revised version.
I’m now enjoying a small break,scrolling on social media. The girls created an account for me when we were getting ready for my birthday. I wasn’t really thrilled about the idea, but Emma, Hayley, and Alice all met through Instagram, so they were hardcore advocates. The fact that they’re all on the app nudged me into saying yes. And they were right, it’s actually kind of fun. The No Shelf Control bookstore page has an enthralling series of posts about Christmas books, and I’ve already added quite a few to my To Be Read pile. I can’t believe how big it’s gotten after just a couple of days on social media.
The next picture on my feed is a meme—I just learned what those are, too, and they’re always fun to check out. It’s a photo of a little girl, maybe six or seven years old, swinging on a playground swing, the chain breaking in midair. Her arms are flailing in panic as other kids look on in horror.
And in that instant, my entire life unfolds in front of me.
I’m the little girl—that very same kid—and this is the story of my life. The bad luck that started from an early age. How I was abandoned as a baby, and my mom adopted me, only to become sick a few years later. Her battling her illness with all her strength until finally succumbing. Bouncing between foster homes. Just like that, it all becomes clear. I clutchmy chest, hoping to slow down my racing heart. But I can’t. It’s all just too much. Everything comes crashing back, and I shut my eyes in an attempt to stem the flow of memories, but the torrent is like a raging flood, breaking down every wall to reach me. I’m not an author. I never did anything with the pieces I wrote because I knew it wouldn’t work out. Authors who make it big are the one percent, and I’m the unluckiest person in the world. It would have never gone my way.
I shake my head, but then Caleb appears in my mind’s eye, front and center. Wait. Everythingisgoing my way. He believes in me, and for a while, I did too. I can’t refute the confidence I felt, all the good things that have happened since I met Caleb. I try to hold on to the thought, but the harsh realization that I’d never had a boyfriend before slaps me in the face. Why would things suddenly change for me? It’s as though I was safe from the bad luck as long as I didn’t remember—like a horrible self-fulfilling prophecy—but what’s going to happen now?
Caleb doesn’t have to take care of me anymore, to fix me. What if he asks me to leave? What if history repeats itself, and something happens to him?
No, that’s not me anymore. Things have been going my way. I don’t have to be Bad Luck Girl for the rest of my life. I can break the vicious circle.
Really?A snide voice says in my head.Didn’t you win hockey tickets, only to end up in the hospital?
No. That was the old me. I can change. I have friends now, and a new perspective on life. That doesn’t just disappear because my rough past has come back to haunt me. It can’t.
Your book will tank,the voice sneers.That is, if you even finish it.
I’ll stick with it, and the rest of the story will come to me. The girls liked it. I have to at least try.
If they’re even still friends with you. Remember what happened to Amanda?
I jump to my feet and pace around the room, trying to suppress the memories, but I still hear Amanda’s piercing shriek when she discovered I had burned her hair while styling it.
No. It’ll be fine. Those were just things that happened. They don’t define me or dictate who I am now. I nod, repeating the words to myself.
What about Caleb? Will he even want to be with you when he learns the truth? You’re a mess. You have nothing to your name. Not to mention, something might very well happen to him—like being struck by lightning.
“But we kissed!” I say out loud. “None of those guys made it to the first kiss, and Caleb did. That has to count for something.” He broke the curse, just like in a fairytale. Isn’t that proof that I’m not Bad Luck Girl anymore, and I’ve finally turned this around?
I wait for the voice to throw something else at me, but it’s silent. I fall back on the couch, exhausted, like I just battled a four-headed monster. And as I catch my breath, the truth settles in my heart.
That’s not who I am anymore. I’m no longer Dawn Russell, the girl who suffers through life. I’mlivingit now. What happened in the past doesn’t matter. Actually, in a way, it does. It means I’ve passed through enough bad luck for a lifetime. And from here on out, it’s going to be different. I won’t let my past experiences prevent me from living.
There’s just one thing I need to do now—tell Caleb.
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