Page 17 of Her Cyborg Commander
There was more than enough work to keep her busy every day. Too busy to let herself think about home, or Troyan Jens, or all the people she’d left behind. Nights were a different matter.
The nights were quiet, with only the song of the wind blowing through the rocks and the whisper of shifting sand. Sometimes she’d hear the skitter and patter of individual grains as it blew into the walls of her shelter.
Evenings always brought back thoughts of Haven. She thought about the lush forests and summer breeze that always carried a hint of wildflowers and warm grass. She missed the bustle of the markets and the scent of freshly baked bread from the bakery on the far side of the river from her house.
To combat the melancholy, River started drawing again. Her small habitat didn’t have the room for paints or anything elaborate, but she’d included a collection of sketch pencils and even a few pastels. The simple fabricator she’d purchased could make paper, though she had to be sure to recycle most of it so it didn’t take away from other items she’d need.
She sketched scenes from home, like the view of the river from her back porch, along with scenes of day to day that were a composite of memories. She drew her friends’ faces, conjuring their likeness as if that could keep the loneliness at bay. Sometimes it did.
Tonight, it wasn’t working. She sat at what she jokingly called her kitchen table. It was little more than a fold-down shelf between two narrow benches. When pulled down, it provided a flat surface just big enough for a couple of plates, or several sheets of paper and her art supplies.
She hadn’t really been paying attention to what she was doing. It was something to pass the time and let her process what she was feeling in a constructive way. Or that was what her counselor had called it. The sketch was almost finished before she was aware of who she’d drawn.
Edge. Not the way he looked most of the time, but the way she’d seen him some nights when he’d fallen asleep beside her, determined to protect her even while he slept. It hadn’t happened often. Edge rarely slept back then. She didn’t know if that had changed, but she doubted it.
The image was a side of him not many of the others would recognize. All his sharp edges were softened, his normally hard mouth relaxed, his lips full beneath his beard.
Veth, she missed them all. She hadn’t expected it to be this hard. She’d been alone before, and while she’d expected to feel sad, she hadn’t expected the sense of loss that matched her grief for her long-dead batch-siblings. More than anyone else, she missedhim.
“Stupid,” she lashed herself with the single word as she crumpled up the sketch and tossed it against the wall of the shelter. It rebounded lightly and fell back onto the tiny table.
Without thinking, she picked it up and smoothed it flat again, letting her fingers caress the lines of his face as she did.
Why him?she wondered as she stared at the portrait. Of all the beings in her life, why was he the one she had the most trouble moving on from?
It might be because they’d never had a chance. One of them was always too busy, or too broken. Edge had his demons, andshe had hers. She would never be whole again. Jens had seen to that. Despite all the work she’d done to reclaim her real self and to rebuild who she’d once been, it would never be the same. She was still broken. A dark, secret part of her would always crave the glorious surrender that came with submitting to someone else’s desires.
She could hardly even think about that part of herself. Talking to anyone else about it would never happen. It was too embarrassing, too humiliating to admit that whatever Jens had done to her, she hadn’t been able to undo it. She expected to take that secret to her grave, which was the reason she’d never shown interest in any male in the colony. Even if she found someone she thought might accept her damage, she wasn’t sure she’d ever trust anyone in the galaxy enough to give them her submission.
If that wasn’t broken, she didn’t know the meaning of the word.
Frustration pushed her to her feet. “And that’s enough of that. No more wallowing. If you can’t find something useful to do, River, get your ass to bed.”
Talking to herself was a new habit, but one she figured couldn’t hurt. It’s not like anyone was around to judge her for it. She tidied up a little and then double-checked that everything was locked down for the night. The last thing she did was strip out of her clothes and place them in a bag near the door. Laundry was on tomorrow’s chore list. She’d get it done first thing in the morning and lay it all out on the sun-warmed rocks to dry. It wouldn’t be the same as having freshly dried towels set out by the household bots of home, but at least she’d have clean clothes.
She ascended the short ladder to her loft but only made it to the second rung when an alarm sounded.
She reacted immediately by stepping off the ladder and letting herself drop back to the floor. She hit the ground andpivoted until she saw her tablet. Along with the books and other forms of entertainment, it was the control hub for the shelter and her security system.
Her fingers flew over the screen, tapping at icons as she brought up the camera feeds. It felt as if it took ages for the images to load. Part of her knew that was because her sense of time was skewed by adrenaline, but the rest of her mind screamed at the perceived delay. She needed to know what was out there. Sure, it was most likely a sand shark large enough to set off the motion detectors, but what if it wasn’t?
One by one, the gray-scale images appeared. When she saw what the fourth camera had captured, a fresh dump of adrenaline flooded her system. She zoomed in, ignoring the way her finger trembled slightly. It wasn’t much more than a shadow moving through the deep darkness, but it was enough to tell her that her visitor wasn’t a sand shark, or any other type of local fauna. Someone was out there, and they were headed straight for her camp.
Instinct drove her reactions. She hadn’t fully prepared for this possibility because she hadn’t expected anyone to find her this quickly. She’d been planet-side for less than a week! Her mind raced as she donned the bare necessities for what came next. The chest plate of her armor felt cool against her bare skin as she snapped the clasps that locked it into place. She jammed her bare feet into her boots without bothering to tighten the laces. Like her armor, her weapons were stored in a cabinet near the door. She yanked it open and pulled out a pulse rifle. She did the weapon check automatically, confirming it was in safe mode and had a full charge before slinging it over her shoulder.
Time to go.
She turned off the lights before opening the door. It would give her eyes a few extra seconds to adjust as well as stop light-leakage from announcing the location of her shelter.
Outside, the wind was almost cool compared to the vicious heat of the day, but the sand still radiated enough heat that she felt it through the soles of her boots. She switched her vision to the infrared spectrum, allowing her to see in the dark. She turned up all her other senses, too, even taste and smell. She became the hunter once again, falling back on training and programming she hadn’t used since the Resource Wars ended.
For now, she couldn’t sense the intruder, but she knew which direction they had to come from, which gave her the advantage. The simplest course of action would be to jump onto the roof of her shelter and wait for them to come to her. It was too obvious for her liking, not to mention she’d risk making too much noise when she landed on the roof. Instead, she made her way up to the lookout point she’d discovered on her first day. It would give her the high ground and ensure that whoever was out there couldn’t know her exact position.
She made each leap carefully, doing all she could to stay quiet. Despite her best efforts, the soft thud of each landing and the slip of her boots on the thin coating of sand over the rocks made her wince and freeze until she was sure she hadn’t been heard.
Once she made it to her chosen position, she scanned the entire area. Nothing. With the rocks still radiating warmth, there was no point in trying to look for heat signatures. She’d have to wait this out.
In a motion so ingrained she didn’t have to think about it, she tugged on the strap of her rifle, bringing it over her shoulder and into her waiting hands. Cloaked in darkness and as ready as she could be, she froze. Cyborgs could hold perfectly still for hours at a time. None of them knew exactly how it worked, but all of them could make a conscious choice to go completely still.
