Page 33 of Candy Cane Dreams
Summer and Kate talked for about twenty minutes, then Kate stood and walked Summer to the door. They chatted the entire way, with Summer calling a goodbye to Jack before she disappeared out the door.
Jack was antsy to hear what Summer had said, but he didn't want to talk about it in front of Lilly, and indeed, Kate just came over, thanked him for keeping an eye on her, and then asked Lilly if she would like to go back to the table.
This time when they sat down, Kate took the music box off the shelf and set it on the table.
Immediately, Jack could see Lilly's eyes light up as she recognized the small box.
He castigated himself for not bringing it out sooner, since it wasn't sadness that lit Lilly up, but excitement and happiness.
Kate said something, although Jack was too far away to hear what it was, but Lilly nodded eagerly as Kate opened the lid, and the music box started to play.
If Lilly was happy before, she was absolutely animated now. Her eyes bright, her cheeks flushed, her finger gently stroking the side of the music box as it played a little tune.
It slowly wound down, and then Jack's heart stopped. It looked like, as Lilly looked up at Kate, she opened her mouth, and Jack's breath hitched. Was she going to speak?
It sure looked like she was, but at the last moment, Lilly looked at the music box and then tapped it.
If Jack wasn't mistaken, a little bit of the air went out of Kate as well, and he bet she had also been thinking that Lilly was going to speak.
But Kate nodded and said, "Do you want me to play it again?"
Lilly nodded eagerly.
They listened to the music box and stayed in the corner until it was time for Lilly to go up for bedtime. As he put her to bed, he talked about the music box, and her eyes brightened again. But there were no more almost-breakthrough moments where she almost spoke.
Jack walked back down the stairs with excitement, but also disappointment. And he didn't understand the disappointment. After all, she had almost spoken. That was real progress. But what if that was the only progress she made? What if she never actually got to the point where she stepped across the line and finally spoke words?
It was hard for him to keep up the optimism that eventually she would speak.
As he walked in, Kate was where he had left her, washing dishes. It was one of his least favorite jobs, and she had volunteered to do whatever he needed her to.
"I'm sorry I left you here washing dishes," he said, knowing that while he did it, he didn't enjoy it.
"I kind of like washing dishes. It's a mindless task that allows your brain to wander, and you can figure things out while you've got the suds and the soap and the lack of anything that you actually have to think about."
"I hadn't thought about it like that, but maybe I just don't have anything to think about, and that's why it bothers me so bad."
She smiled, but then her eyes brightened. "Did you see Lilly tonight? Boy, I thought she was going to actually speak the words to ask me to play it again. That was a really brilliant idea of yours."
"You know, I don't know why I haven't done it before, other than I thought the memories would be sad. That was her mother's."
"There's definitely a key there. Obviously, she stopped speaking after her mother died, but every time we get something of hers out, or draw a picture—it's just everything revolves around her. That's the key."
"Did Summer shed any insight on that?" he asked, as he walked over and grabbed the towel to dry the dishes off before they started something new.
Kate finished washing a dish before she spoke, holding the clean bowl over the water absentmindedly as she seemed to think about the words as they came out. "I think Summer thought I was doing a pretty good job. She's never worked with someone with Lilly's specific issue, but she said that just having her use her senses, the way I was—like with the drawing, and then with music, and just making sure that Lilly was able to trust me." She lifted her shoulder. "It was really encouraging, though, because she said there'll be little gains, maybe some losses, but eventually the breakthrough would happen. She phrased it in those terms and didn't give any room for the 'what if it doesn't,' which is sometimes what goes through my head."
"Mine too. In fact, today, when she almost spoke, I was excited, but I was also discouraged as well, I guess. Because that was my exact thought. What if that's as far as she ever gets?"
"Well, Summer said something else that really got me thinking. She said, 'What if she never speaks? Is that really going to be so bad?'" She sighed and then looked up at Jack, meeting his eyes. "I know you're her parent, and maybe it would be a terrible thing for you, but I was just thinking, it's not that bad. Sure, I'd like to see her speak. I think life would be better for her if she were able to communicate that way with people, but... why do we always insist that whatever is wrong needs to be fixed?Why can't we just be happy with the other things that we have? She's healthy, she's doing well in school, she has friends, even though she doesn't talk, and she's got a really awesome dad who cares about her deeply and who is sacrificing his own dreams to make sure that she has the heritage that was given to her by a mother who obviously adored her as well. She has so many things going for her, and yet all of us are focused on the one thing that she doesn't have, which is speech."
Jack was speechless. Literally. He had never even considered that.
"What if someone just focused on my faults? I've got a bunch of them, and what if that was what everyone saw when they looked at me? What if that was what everyone was trying to make better? Not that we shouldn't try to help someone who needs it. It's just..."
"I totally get what you're saying. We have a tendency to focus on the negative."
"Exactly. And kind of parallel to that, it's a belief that I've held for a while, and that is that a person can be happy, no matter what their circumstances are. It's like the joy of the Lord—we have it with us all the time; sometimes we just choose to look at how terrible everything is, and we forget that we have a choice. The choice to be happy, the choice to be content, like Paul talked about. We just want to get things fixed first."
