Page 39 of Far From Center
“So it sounds like the pain in this relationship was mostly on the angel’s part,” Nyalla commented. “Things are different now. Being an unwed mother no longer carries such a stigma in most cultures. A woman might not want to go months or years without seeing her beloved, but there are cases when careers or immigration issues cause that sort of separation even in human couples.”
“Shewashurt. She never loved her human husband in quite the same way as she loved the angel who’d fathered her child. The angel was devastated, but she was strong enough to know that love and devotion sometimes are not enough. She needed more, and her angel couldn’t give that to her.”
“But Gabe, that happens even in relationships between two humans,” Nyalla protested. “You can’t blame this kind of pain on the fact that he was an angel. Nothing that you’ve said so far would be exclusive to an angel-human pairing.”
“It gets worse,” Gabriel told her with a wry twist of his mouth. “It became obvious that this Nephilim wasn’t like the other children, or like his brothers. His mother eventually told him about his father, warned him to keep his abilities hidden lest he be found and killed. He couldn’t do that,” there was a note of pride in Gabriel’s voice. “This Nephilim worked tirelessly to lift up the humans who were suffering and neglected. He was a shining light to all. And then they killed him.”
Nyalla caught her breath. “The hunter angels? They found him?”
Gabriel shook his head. “No, the humans killed him. Because sometimes they can be like demons. They can be filled with greed and jealousy and pride. These particular humans could not stand to have such a light amongst them, making them realize their own shadows, so they killed him. His mother watched it. His mother had to bury her child. And he didn’t die because of a human war or disease, or an accident. He was killed because he was a Nephilim. She made herself turn away from the being she loved most, and even that did not save her child from being killed. No good came from that love. No good at all. The only thing that love brought was pain and suffering.”
Nyalla reached out for his hand, not sure what to do. Should she hug him? She was still tucked in against him, but right now he seemed particularly unapproachable.
“I wasn’t there for him,” he insisted. “I thought they’d be okay, that the only threat to them would be from a hunter angel. I wasn’t there for his mother or for him when they were being murdered. If I had kept better watch, I could have saved him. That’s why I’ve spent thousands of years protecting Nephilim, and strictly punishing angels who lie with human women. We’re derailing any progress we’ve made in human evolution with our selfish actions. We’re only hurting them. We are the ones who have turned humans into demons. It’s all our fault. It can’t keep happening. Humans and angels don’t belong together.”
She wrapped her arms around him, putting her cheek against his chest. His muscles jumped under her touch, but he didn’t pull away. “It was not your fault that a Nephilim died. And our evolution, positive otherwise, isn’t the responsibility of the angels. You can’t carry the world on your shoulders, Gabe. You can’t keep accepting responsibility for everything that happens here or in Aaru. You cannot take on the sins of everyone. It’s not your burden to bear.”
He pulled her tight against him. “Someone needs to bear that burden. We’ve made so many mistakes with the humans, that it’s our responsibility to put it all right again.”
She suddenly understood. All of this was abouthim, not the humans, not this Nephilim, and not the other angels. It was about his need for one shining achievement, one thing to prove that he could best his two eldest siblings at something. He need to prove to them, to Aaru, and to himself thathewas worthy.
“Did you ever think that in trying to make things right with the humans, you’re making it worse? Gabe, that woman could have experienced heartache with a human mate. Thousands and thousands of men and women have throughout history. And millions of people suffer the excruciating loss of a child, sometimes due to murder. Do you think that woman’s pain would have been any less if she’d fallen in love with a human from a different culture where their marriage would have been forbidden? Or that her grief would have been any less had her human child been murdered in the same way by envious humans? I can assure you it wouldn’t.” Nyalla lifted her head to look at him. “I’m so sorry the Nephilim died, but he risked his life to make a difference in human lives. Isn’t that a noble cause? Isn’t that something worth dying for?”
She looked into his eyes, a silver light swirling within the blue-gray. “I don’t need my angel omnipotence to know the path we’re on will bring heartache, Nyalla. I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t ever want to be the one who causes you pain.”
“You can pull away from me as that human woman did from her angel lover, you can refuse to make love to me, but you’ll eventually fall in love. If not with me, then with someone else. You can’t stop these things from happening. The fates, the will of your creator, isn’t something that you can hold against, no matter how strong you are, no matter how high your vibration levels. Eventually the right angel will come along for you, no matter how hard you resist it. And you’ll have to let that angel in.”
She couldn’t quite read the odd smile he gave her, the blue in his eyes lightening to azure. “When I feel things are hopeless, you are here to drag me out of the muck, Nyalla. I doubt I’ll ever fall in love with an angel. Instead I’ll find love unexpectedly, when a human woman collars me, hits me on the head with a sauce pan, ties me to the bed and stuffs some underwear in my mouth.”
Was he saying what she thought he was saying? Nyalla felt her skin warm, her heart race out of control. “Silly. It wasn’t a sauce pan, it was a fry pan. And the underwear in your mouth was a pair I’d worn the day before.”
He grinned, bringing her hand up to kiss the palm. “I know. Come sleep in the bed with me tonight as you did last night. I like touching you while I slumber. I like having you near.”
She smiled and tugged his hand as she led him toward the bedroom. “Me too, Gabe. Me too.”
