Page 4 of Hell and Hexes
A bit upset was a massive understatement. I’d thought for a moment there he was going to burn down Cassie’s house. Or possibly set Eshu on fire. I got the idea the whole blame-the-messenger thing was big among demons.
Cassie rolled her eyes and took a second to swallow her mouthful of fried rice. “It’s not good. He might have to go down there for a few days and straighten things out.”
Glenda grimaced. “What happened?”
“Evidently some communications got mixed up and a few demons got pissed at each other and it all escalated.” Cassie waved an eggroll for emphasis. “He’s blaming Eshu for screwing something up.”
I felt a bit indignant about that. “Don’t make poor Eshu the scapegoat. It’s not like demons aren’t ready to throw down over the stupidest thing. Remember last Sunday when Lucien nearly beheaded Hadur over sun dried tomatoes in the salad?”
“I’m with Hadur on that one,” Glenda chimed in. “Sun dried tomatoes are an absolutely delicious addition to both saladsandwood-fired pizza.”
“Lucien can’t do nightshade stuff,” Cassie explained. “And dried makes it worse. Last time he ate tomatoes, he had to sleep in the guest room. His gas was bad enough to kill an army of goblins with one noxious shot.”
I shuddered. “Well, he didn’t have to eat the salad. There was no need to get up in Hadur’s face about it.”
“Lucien needs his greens. He has to have a diet with lots of fiber,” Cassie shot back, defending her demon. “Hadur did it on purpose and didn’t tell him until he’d already eaten half the salad. We missed out on sex that night because I didn’t want to have to screw while wearing a gas mask.”
Glenda slapped her hands over her ears. “Don’t want to hear this.”
I, on the other hand, totally wanted to hear it. Patting Cassie on the knee, I sent her a sympathetic look. “Sexual relations are a key component to your and Lucien’s relationship. That must have been difficult for the both of you.”
“It was.” Cassie pouted. “And it was my turn to be on top, too.”
“Not listening,” Glenda announced.
“Perhaps you can double up this Sunday to make up for it?” I suggested. “You be on top for morning sex, and he can do doggy-style, or get a blow job, or spend some time going down on you after dinner.”
Cassie’s eyes got a faraway look. “Oh…. yes. That would be amazing. All of those. Lucien has remarkable stamina, and it only takes him a few minutes to recover. I wish I bounced back that quick.”
“So…how about the weather?” Glenda chimed in. “Think we’ll get some rain this week? It’s a bit dry this summer, and we could really use a good shower.”
I held back giving them some tips on shower sex and how golden showers between consenting adults were a perfectly acceptable kink in spite of public opinion and took pity on my sister. Glenda wasn’t at all a prude, but she wasn’t into what she called “oversharing.”
“I just hope the rain holds off a bit longer,” I told her. “I’ve been cooped up for two weeks on Cassie’s couch and really want to soak up a bit of sun.”
“Speaking of my couch, did you know that crazy Eshu calls you ‘couch-witch’?” Cassie laughed. “We’ve told him your name a dozen times. It’s like he can’t remember it, although Lucien says he does that sort of thing on purpose to be annoying.”
I took a bite of my eggroll, trying to keep my expression bland. Inside I was blushing and flustered because I thought it was cute. Couch-witch. He was so funny.
“He drove Lucien nuts asking where you were,” Cassie continued. “The guy wasn’t paying one bit of attention to what he was supposed to. Instead he was looking under the couch and in the closets, wanting to know where you lived.”
“He was?” I tried really hard to keep the bubbly joy out of my voice.
“He’s such an idiot.” Cassie rolled her eyes. “Of course we didn’t tell him. What a fool. Drives Lucien nuts. I think he’d ban him from the house if he didn’t need him. He’s the only demon who’s allowed in heaven.”
The bubbly joy vanished. Eshuwasn’tan idiot. Yes, he was a clown, a funny guy, but that didn’t make him stupid. Not that it mattered. I’d probably never see him again. He’d forget about me by tomorrow, and it’s not like he ever came by Cassie’s house when we were all there. I never would have met him if I hadn’t been convalescing on her couch for two weeks.
Couch-witch. That was so stinking cute.
“Enough about Lucien. How are things with the werewolves?” Glenda asked.
“Tense.” Cassie shoved the last bit of eggroll in her mouth and picked up her soup. “Sadly, Dallas’ mating ceremony didn’t hold off tensions for long. There have been raids on both sides and some vandalism of the road going up to the compound.”
“I would have thought Dallas would be too busy locked in a bedroom on his honeymoon to be fighting,” I commented.
“Me, too.” Glenda took a bite of her egg roll. “The way that werewolf acts, you’d think sex was his number one priority. I had to threaten to poison his well with a limp-dick potion to make him stop grabbing my ass.”
“I think the honeymoon would have given us a few months of cease-fire if Clinton hadn’t taken advantage of the wedding and made a move,” Cassie said. “I really don’t know the exact details of what’s been happening so far, but I know it involves a lot of peeing to move territory markers, as well as attacking scouts during the night and roughing them up. Oh, and Clinton’s guys bombed out a section of the road. Make sure you use four-wheel drive if you need to go up to the compound because they dug the crap out of the road. Potholes and ditches all over the place.”
