Page 22 of Grumpy Pucking Orc
Then she opened the box and made a snort-noise.
“The teeth! For a second, I thought…” Pink once more stole up her neck into her cheeks. “Never mind. I’m glad you were able to find them. Please let me take a look in your mouth to see if there are any broken pieces that I’ll need to extract.”
I relaxed completely as she looked at my teeth, poking around with a metal stick and checking each tooth, including the gaps where I’d lost those two. The whole time she chatted, asking me questions about my home, my family, and the team.
It was impossible for me to talk properly with my mouth wide open, so I just grunted and garbled monosyllabic replies.
“I still can’t believe that your English is this good,” she said, finally taking her hands away to make notes on what looked like yet another form. “I know I told you that before, but I’m just amazed at how proficient you are. If I’d arrived in some foreign land a few months ago, knowing only a few words and phrases, I doubt I would have progressed so quickly.”
“Orcs need to learn other languages,” I reminded her. “I know ten orc dialects and six other languages from my home. Plus, we had help when we arrived here.”
Jordan tilted her head, and once more, I thought of how beautiful and alluring she was.
“Help?” she asked.
“When the demon offered us jobs on the hockey team, we all needed to learn English quickly, so the angels gave usthese.” I showed her the communication device we’d all received.
She blinked at it. “A cell phone. The angels gave you all cell phones and what? A Duolingo app? Do they even have language learning apps for orcs?”
I didn’t know this Duolingo thing, but I pushed the button on the communications device that we’d spent two months using.
“I eat my breakfast in the hallway,” the device said.
Jordan burst out laughing, taking it from my hand. “Seriously? That’s terrible. Why don’t these things ever teach you usable phrases? When are you ever going to need to tell someone where you eat breakfast? And who the hell eats in their hallway?”
“I also know the word ‘pillowcase,’” I informed her.
She laughed again. “You’re joking.”
“And ‘the brown cat eats pie during winter.’”
“Oh, stop.” She was laughing so hard that tears fell from her eyes.
“May I borrow your bathtub?”
“No! Seriously? That’s not even possible!”
I let her get control of herself after that one, although I wanted to go on. Making Jordan laugh was addictive.
She wiped her eyes. “I should have known the angels would screw up a simple language learning app. Although some of the apps we humans have developed aren’t any better.” She handed me back my device. “Really, howdidyou learn English beyond what your friend taught you?”
I stuck the phone back in my pocket. “Radio, television, being close to humans. Although the device did help, silly as some lessons are.”
She tilted her head. “Say something in your language.Not the bathtub or the cat thing, but something you’d actually say to another person.”
I didn’t have to even pause to think.
“Grumem-esch-ach metanekan schlonakanap-tsknt.”
She smiled. “What does it mean?”
“You need to learn Orcish, and then you will know what it means.”
Chapter 10
Ozar
After asking again for permission, Jordan once more inspected my mouth, poking and prodding at the various teeth and muttering under her breath.
