Page 34 of Grumpy Pucking Orc
“You’re awyndall’sass,” Ugwyll said, the words tempered by his slightly embarrassed smile.
“And you’re better at this than you thought,” I pointed out. “Maybe next game you’ll manage to stay on your feet, even if you never do score a goal.”
Ugwyll’s growl made me laugh. I reached out with my stick and brought the puck I’d dropped when I first came on the ice closer.
“All right, loser, try to keep me from scoring a goal.”
I stood and walked forward, slower than before since I had to concentrate to keep control of the puck. Ugwyll easily caught up, cutting in front of me and slapping the puck away. We both ran for it, Ugwyll taking possession. I managed to stay even with him, the loud crack of our sticks echoing off the empty stadium seats as we fought for the puck.
Again and again, Ugwyll stole the puck from me, making progress toward the goal net until he eventually knocked the puck in. He lost his balance and fell in the process, and there wasn’t anyone to try to stop the puck, but he’d still scored a goal.
After a few more rounds, I was done. I headed back to the locker room, leaving Ugwyll still on the ice practicing. Eng and Bwat were there, along with six of the other orcs on the team. Four of the orcs were playing a game ofMiskwith plastic chips they’d found in one of the closets. Bwat was looking through a stack of magazines. Eng was in his usualpose, leaning back against a locker and scowling at everyone.
“You weren’t actually practicing, were you?” Eng asked me.
I nodded. “Ugwyll and I were, yes.”
“Why?” Eng screwed his eyebrows together. “I understand Ugwyll, with his obsession to be the best at every sporting event, but why areyoubothering? The owner doesn’t care. The humans watching the games don’t care.”
I thought about the two employees at Starbucks yesterday. “Some of the humans watching care. More of them might if we actually practiced and made an effort instead of standing against the wall the whole game.”
Eng shrugged. “I didn’t come here to play stupid games for human entertainment, I came to find a suitable bride. None of this”—he waved his hand around—“is going to help me get a bride.”
“It helped Ozar,” Bwat chimed in. “Maybe if you get a couple of teeth knocked out, you’ll find your true mate as well, Eng.”
“I’m not interested in finding a human true mate. I just want to find a suitable female so I can go home and leave all this nonsense behind.” Eng pushed away from the lockers and snatched the magazine from Bwat. “Here. This female will do.”
Bwat and I stood next to Eng to see the picture he was pointing at.
“I don’t think Pussy Galore would be interested in being your bride,” Bwat commented, reading the caption under the picture.
Eng glared at him. “She should be honored to marry me. I’m Eng, son of the Chieftain Mrong of Clan Waragur. I ama prince, the heir to the largest of the orc clans. Waragur is a kingdom, and I will be the king one day.”
Bwat rolled his eyes. “Maybe Ozar’s mate has a sister or a friend who would be willing to be your bride, although I doubt it.”
“I could never do such a disservice to Jordan’s sister or friend,” I said, horrified at the thought of having to spend any more time with Eng than absolutely necessary.
Thankfully, Eng ignored the idea, continuing to look through the magazine for other matrimonial candidates.
“Speaking of your mate, how did your date go with Jordan yesterday?” Bwat asked me. “Did she like your gift of teeth? When is the wedding?”
“I misunderstood and yesterday morning wasn’t a date after all. It seems that her job involves repairing teeth, and she wanted me to meet her at her place of business to begin the process of replacing my two teeth that were knocked out.” It was embarrassing to admit this, but we were all learning about human customs, and it would help Bwat to know about my error.
“Oh.” Bwat winced. “I’m so sorry. Is the mate bond not reciprocated by her?”
“I think it might be.” I told him about her polishing my teeth. And I told him about our planned date for this evening.
Bwat punched my shoulder. “That’s amazing. Food seems to be just as critical in human courtship as it is in ours. From what I’ve read, I think Sizzle might be right about the steak idea.”
“Actually, I did go to her house last night to leave a gift of steak,” I told him, glad that I seemed to be doing this correctly. “It wasn’t easy, though. Since I didn’t know where she lived, I had to follow her around all evening until shereturned home. Then I got to the food store right before they closed and went back to her house early this morning to leave the gift.”
Bwat’s mouth fell open. “You followed her around? All night? To her home? That’s not a good thing, Ozar. Humans don’t like that. Human females especially don’t like that. Stalking is not a good thing.”
“But she knows whereIlive,” I protested. “She made me write it on a piece of paper before she took care of my teeth. It’s only fair that I know where her home is too, especially since I couldn’t otherwise gift her with the steak. Back home, I would know because everyone knows where everyone else lives. Or I could just ask a member of her clan to direct me to her house. There are too many humans in this city for that, and no one even seems to know who their neighbors are.”
“It’s still not good,” Bwat grumbled.
“Well, she didn’t see me, so she’ll never know I was following her,” I reassured him.
