Page 25 of Warrior's Reign
He quirked a brow. “You young ones take everything so seriously.”
Her blink turned into a gape. “YouareNumar, right?”
“I may speak more frankly. You are no longer a first cycle student, you have some experience that qualifies you as adult.” The rebuke was subtle, but it was present.
“Adekhyun,I will return for my second cycle soon. And not only because First Vykhan requires it. I’ve missed my circle, and I don’t believe I will succeed at the palace without further training and discipline.” She bowed again, her head touching the grass, and held the bow to show the depth of her regard. After a time, a hand settled on the back of her head, giving her a gentle pat. Only then did she rise.
His expression was indulgent. “I look forward to your return soon. I know some of your cohort thought you arrogant—” she snorted, rolling her eyes “—but they did not see behind the mask.”
As usual, his words cut her in a way she hadn’t anticipated. She just barely stopped herself from fidgeting. Of course he, of anyone, would know how inadequate she felt. A fraud. A failure.
“Someone died under my watch,” she said. “I was supposed to protect them.”
“What did your father say?”
“He said shit happens, and get back to work.”
“Benyon, of all my students, is the most pragmatic. At his age, he must be.” Laughter danced in his eyes. “He did not allow you to wallow in your self-pity.”
Reign winced.
But his stare was relentless. “You failed. That was one failure. Do not compound it by abandoning your purpose because you are afraid. This is why you must find your Silence, Reign. Only then will you learn to embrace your emotion without it controlling you.”
“This time if I failIbukaydies.” The words ripped from her chest.
“If not you,Adejahna, then who? Who do you trust to guard her with their life with no thought to personal ambition?”
It shut her up. For a moment. “I have ambition.”
“To serve. To prove your worth.”
“Even that can lead to chaos if I fail to achieve Silence.” She stood then, unable to remain still, and began pacing the grassy circle. “I need. . .I don’t know what I need. I feel like there are ants crawling on the inside of my skin.”
“You should come and meditate more often,” he said gently, no judgment in his face. “It will help. I have no easy answers for you. When will you continue your training?”
“With your permission,Adekhyun,at the start of the next semester.”
“Of course,yadoana.I will tell the registrar to expect your admission request.”
Reign bowed, accepting the dismissal, then hesitated. “Eredan. Has his Vow ended? Does he return?” Her heart pounded in her chest as she awaited the answer.
“From time to time.”
Her breath caught; she released it after a moment. Her fingers trembled. “Will you leave him a message? Tell him I asked for him?”
He’d left her with the simplest of goodbyes; a sprig of wild flowers on her pillow, flowers she’d been unable to find anywhere in the province. No warning, and no word in the years after. She had not seen nor heard of him, did not even know his true identity. Only that his absence had left a hole in her that she’d filled with work and study and tried to forget about.
But being in this city, it was impossible to forget.
“I will tell him.”
A noncommittal answer from a man who saw more than she would have liked. But if she trusted anyone with the understanding of her soul, it was Numar. If Benyon was her father, Numar was grandfather, uncle, brother, confessor.
“Do you think he’ll see me?”
Numar said nothing.
Reign bowed again, hope twisting painfully in her gut, and left.
