Page 11 of Guarded Hearts
Mia was right. I forgot I was supposed to be the man in this performance. Instead, I’d spent most of the routine brooding because this guy got to touch Alyssa when she was so off-limits to me. If I’d known our night together would lead to less contact, I wasn’t sure I would have followed her behind the curtain.
She’d featured in my dreams and my waking thoughts for two weeks now, but the memory wasn’t enough. I wanted that night to be the start of something. Instead, it was a full stop.
“Pasha’s doing that?” Tyler jiggled Victoria in his arms. Her giant noise-canceling headphones were perched on her head. “Pasha, you’re doing that?” Skepticism coated his words.
“Yes,” I agreed.
Truthfully, I’d rather jump in a cage filled with hungry brown bears than do this routine with Mia while it was live streamed to the world. Was there an easy way to tell her that? Didn’t appear so.
“You’re braver than me,” Tyler said with a chuckle.
Or stupider. I was taking bets on stupid. The odds were in my favor. The stupidest. “Not brave.”
“Well.” Alyssa was breathless as the routine came to a close. “What do you think?”
Mia spun on her heel in my direction. “Pasha? What didyouthink?”
“I’ll be fine.” I’d been using the phrase since Zoya died, and the words had been a guide, steering me through any difficulty. Nothing could ever be as bad as rushing to the hospital, hearing she’d died, and later, seeing her shoe lying in the field, alone. In comparison, I could wade through anything else.
Her funeral, applying for jobs I didn’t feel qualified for, getting those jobs, sitting with Mia while she contemplated an abortion, helping herhide a pregnancy, listening to her testify about things that scarred her, missing my family—all of it had led me here.
What were a few dance steps? No worse than bears in a cage.
“Are you sure, Pasha?” Mia asked with a frown. “Now’s the time to speak up. Once we pull the trigger, the bullet’s out of the gun.”
“I’ll be fine.” I nodded as though my gesture would solidify my statement. The dance was definitely over my head. I could learn, right? A cold sweat broke out.
“Okay.” Mia glanced at Tyler. “We’re going to talk to Alyssa’s partner for a minute. I liked what he did there, so I’m going to see what else he’s been doing.”
I nodded, and they wandered over to the other dancer, who was gathering his things. To my right, Alyssa yanked her hair out of her bun and then massaged her temples.
Did I dare to speak to her? I was full of stupid decisions lately. Why stop now?
“You okay?” I sidled up to her and handed her the pink water bottle she took out of her bag earlier.
“Headache.” She grimaced and glanced over her shoulder at the other dancer. “Jace and I went out last night. He plied me with shots.” A hint of a smile touched her lips. “I wasn’t as good at betting last night.”
I stiffened, my mind going to the curtained area, to her pressed beneath me, to the smell of her warm vanilla-and-flowers perfume wafting toward me.
“Oh.” Her cheeks turned pink. “Not like—it wasn’t like—Jace has a boyfriend.” She shook her head and then pressed her fingers to her temples again. “I think he was trying to make sure I’d be shit today.”
“What? Why?” They danced together so well I’d wondered how she knew him, whether she’d known him the way we knew each other.
“He wants my job. But he doesn’t even know what my job is. I lied to him about what this performance was for.” She rolled her eyes and sighed before making eye contact. “It was fine, right? The routine?”
Her pleading gaze tugged at my heartstrings. Was there anything I wouldn’t give her when she looked at me like that? “Very good. Very, very good.” The dance had been, but there was no way I’d be able to do any of it without spending all my spare time practicing in front of a mirror with a floppy mannequin.
“Do you think you’ll be able to do it?” she asked.
I shook my head, but the words I lived by fell out. “I’ll be fine.” With a sigh, I met her gaze. “He tried to make you look bad?”
She shrugged and broke eye contact. “It’s not just women who can be backstabbing bitches. He helped me. I survived. It’s fine. Mia would never hire him to replace me for this, whatever he might have thought.”
Mia, Tyler, Victoria, and Jace were huddled off to the side, and Jace was telling some sort of animated story, clearly enjoying the attention of the Sullivan-Malone family.
I frowned. Did her friend still think he had a chance to get her job?
Across the room, Mia’s watch beeped, and she rose onto her toes to kiss Tyler’s cheek and then Victoria’s temple. “We gotta go, Pasha.” On her way past Alyssa, she smiled at her. “Tomorrow we start, okay? Taryn or Rebecca will send you the schedule for the next couple of weeks. If there are any conflicts with whatever you’ve got going on, just let them know. There’s a bit of wiggle room in my schedule. Not much. But a bit.”
