Page 29 of Guarded Hearts
“See, if I turn this way.” In slow motion, I spun, keeping our hands locked in place. “Or if I turn this way.” I rotated back and went the other way. “You’re steering me.” When I returned to the starting position, our gazes locked, and my heart kicked. “Easy,” I whispered.
“Easy,” he agreed, his focus split between my lips and eyes.
Not again. Not again. I stepped back and cleared my throat, letting his hand drop. “So, I’ll take us through the first count. We’ll start there today.”
“A lot of spinning.” He made a whirling motion with his index finger.
“Yeah, there are a few turns. We’ll take it slow. No music. I’ll just count it out.”
He nodded and secured me in a closed hold.
I took a deep breath and met his gaze. A mistake. Instead of starting the count, I searched his face. “Why is death the standard?” The words were whispered, as though they snuck out without my consent.
His face softened, but he didn’t break eye contact. “There is nothing worse than losing one of the great loves of your heart.”
The words were an arrow, piercing the bubble I’d tried to keep inflated between them. I ran my thumb along his jawline, the desire to touch him,to comfort him more than I could suppress. “Who was the great love of your heart?”
“Zoya.” His voice was gruff. “Her name was Zoya.”
“And she died?”
“She did.”
My chest tightened at the grief flickering across his face, a story I couldn’t translate. Had I ever loved like that? To call anyone I’d dated a great love of my heart wouldn’t fit. Even Ricky, my last boyfriend, the one I’d thoughtmaybe, maybeabout had left, and I’d cared more about the things he’d taken, the debt he’d racked up than his absence from my life. What would it be like to miss someone the way his expression said he still missed Zoya? “In Russia?”
“Yes. That’s why I left.”
“I can’t even imagine.”
“I would not want you to.”
If I could take some of his hurt, erase the pain I saw in the depths of his pale eyes, I’d do it in a heartbeat. Had any of the men I’d dated been capable of this deep well of emotion? Not that I’d seen. Certainly not for me.A great love. Fairy tales and happily-ever-afters had never been my thing as a kid. My father had been physically present but emotionally absent, and I’d never thought of men as being capable of more than that.
Pasha was more. So much more.
The door handle rattled, and the two of us sprung apart as though we’d been electrocuted. I let out a shaky laugh and silently thanked the heavens he’d remembered to lock the door. We’d been a lot more careful since Tyler saw us, even though a lot less was going on. This was the closest we’d been in weeks, and had someone walked in, all they’d have seen was us staring into each other’s eyes. Intimate in a different way.
He unlocked the door and opened it to Amy on the other side, her hand poised as though she’d been going to knock. “Oh, uh… I was coming to see if Alyssa wanted to grab lunch. Some of us are going out.” She peeked around Pasha’s wide shoulders. “You hungry?”
“Um…” We hadn’t done much practicing so far, and time was ticking for him to master the routine. “That’s okay. Not today. We aren’t quite done.”
Amy’s gaze zipped between us. What was the air like in here? Tension had filled the room moments ago. Had it lingered? Maybe Amy could sense how close we were to doing things we shouldn’t. I wasn’t too worried about Amy saying something to anyone else because she wasn’t prone to random bits of gossip based on nothing but a feeling.
“I’ll catch you later,” Amy said with a knowing smile before turning and walking away. Before Pasha closed the door again, I heard Amy yell down the arena hall, “She’s not coming. They’re still practicing.”
Mia had broken down and told all the dancers that I was doing her a favor for her wedding. She’d made it clear the details were top secret, and Pasha and I were to be given some leeway with each other. She’d looked at Jazz as she’d said it. Bold, in my opinion, since Jazz was the vindictive sort.
“I’m sorry I’m taking so much of your time,” he said from beside the door. “I really will find a way to repay you.”
An image of him hovering over me, his breath hot in my ear, the Russian words caressing my senses as he brought me to climax, surfaced before I could force the thought down. “It’s my pleasure.”
He met me in the middle of the room, poised in first position. “That’s not enough as apayment.”
I’d certainly been satisfied the last time he’d unknowingly paid up. But I had to agree those payments hadn’t been enough. Would I ever get enough of him? Would I ever get more? At the rate we were going, the tour would end, I’d leave to start rehearsal for Sarah Telling’s tour, and we’d never see each other again. I had a phone interview with Sarah next week, which Mia had assured me was more a formality than an actual interview.
“I’m well paid,” I said. I locked my hand with his and rested my other hand on his shoulder. This time, he didn’t hesitate in putting his hand in the correct place. “All right.” I looked at a spot just over his shoulder, avoiding the danger of eye contact. “One, step back.”
We went through the counts over and over, me spinning around him, Pasha learning to change his handholds and steer me through each step in the count.
