Page 15 of The Enemy to the Living
We do a round of the park, then wander the streets for a while. It’s been a couple of weeks since I last had dinner with the rest of the pack, but Drew doesn’t bring it up.
Still, I should be polite. “How are Sam and Adam?”
His entire face lights up. I’m happy for him, I am, but my traitorous heart squeezes in my chest.
Oh, I’m not in love with Drew. Never even came close. We weren’t the only two wolves in our pack our age interested in the same gender, so there were enough people for us to experiment with that we never had to resort to each other.
And it would have beenresorting to. I know he’s never had romantic feelings for me, either.
“They’re good,” he says. “I think Sam’s more interested in the fae than he lets on. It’s complicated. But Spectra’s really helpful, you know, and he likes her.”
“And Adam?”
It’s not about Drew and Sam and Adam at all. It’s about mates. In our pack, I’d hardly entertained the idea. Our alpha had a mate, and then she died, and all the adults whispered about how it changed him, which put me off the idea entirely.
Then I came here and even through my terror and grief, I saw… Iseethe way Kieran and Lucien are with each other. I see the way Drew and Sam and Adam are together.
I want that. I don’t want it more than I want my wolf back, but Iwantit all the same.
Only, without my wolf, how will I possibly recognise my mate, even if I do find him? Kieran had that trouble, I know that. Lucien figured it out as quickly as he did. Drew figured it out faster, but he and his wolf weren’t in sync at the time, so it still took him a while.
Maybe I would feel something eventually, like Kieran did. He’s never had a wolf at all. I shake my head, realising that Drew is talking.
“Sorry, you—”
“Adam’s doing well,” Drew says, smile dipping a little when he realises I’ve drifted out of the conversation. “He’s been going to a lot more of Vince’s self-defence classes.”
“To help, or…?”
“Yeah, to help. He likes it, I think. He likes Dax.”
Everyonelikes Dax, me included. I’ve only met him a couple of times, but he’s the kind of wolf I’d like to spend a lot more time around.
It just comes with the entire rest of my nosy new pack, I suppose.
“That’s good,” I say. “That’s good.”
“What about you?” Drew asks. “What have you been up to?”
We go a few more steps before I answer. “Not much,” I say, and that doesn’t feel too dishonest. “Just hanging out, really.”
“I could come by more if you want.”
It’s an olive branch for a fight we’ve not even had. Drew doesn’t know what’s going on in my head. I don’t want him to. He’s found happiness and I want him to keep it. I know he deserves it.
But that anger I feel is directed at him, too. Him and Kieran. Him and Kieran and the rest of my pack that slunk their way back up north and those who stayed here, as huddled and weak as me and the hunters who judged us and the vampires who never stopped Tamesis to begin with and and and—
Drew’s hand curls around my wrist and I come to a sudden halt.
“Are you okay?” he asks. There’s nothing but concern in his expression. My breaths are too shallow, so I drag one deep, filling my lungs, and all I can scent is concern there, too.
“Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine.”
He frowns. “Are you still seeing the doctor? Kieran said to leave it to you, but—”
I snatch my hand away. “I’m fine, Drew. I mean it.”
He stares at me, and of course he knows. He knows me better than anyone else, and up until he met his mates, I would have said that went both ways.
