Page 59 of Shut Up and Score

---

GoldenSpiral23: Maybe. Some days I feel like if I stop pretending to be fine, no one will stick around.

I pause. The noise of the guys fades, replaced by the hum under my skin.

Me: You pretend a lot?

GoldenSpiral23: All the time. Smile, joke, nod in the right places.

Nobody looks past it.

…Maybe I don’t want them to.

Something in my chest twists.

Me: You can let me look.

Three dots. They appear, vanish. Then?—

GoldenSpiral23: I used to think if people saw the real me, they’d leave. So I became someone they’d never want to look too closely at.

I stare at the screen.

Something in my chest pulls tight. Not in a painful way. But as if the truth is crowding in, and there’s nowhere to hide from it.

Me: That sounds lonely.

GoldenSpiral23: It is. But sometimes I forget how to stop pretending. I’ve been playing a role for so long I don’t remember who I was before.

I look up instinctively.

Colton’s pinching the bridge of his nose, then dragging a hand through his hair. The way he’s sitting—tense, closed off—matches the tone of Golden’s words a littletoowell.

But no. Itcan’tbe him.

I force my gaze back down.

My fingers hesitate before replying.

Me: I do that, too. Only difference is I remember who I was. I just don’t like him very much.

The response doesn’t come right away.

When it does, it’s slower than usual. As if he’s thinking about this one.

GoldenSpiral23: I think I’d like him. You’re the only person I can talk to like this. It feels...different with you.

My breath catches.

I reread it three times. Then a fourth. Because something in those words feels too deep. More than just a good hookup in disguise.

It feelspersonal.

I glance up again.

Colton’s staring down at his phone, unreadable.

God.

No. Shut up. Stop it. It’s not him.

---