Page 27 of Sheltering Lawson
“It’s funny,” he murmured, the Southern drawl thickening. “I’ve known you a lot less than I do my daddy, but you seem to get me much better than he ever could. Why is that?”
I wanted to look away, but I couldn’t. I had taken this deliberate road because I couldn’t seem to close down with Ethan, take the fifth or keep my mouth shut. What could I say to him? That I cared? Oh, no. That was such a weak word where Ethan was concerned. It made my chest ache just to look at him, my body still throbbing from the way he’d kissed me, touched me. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do, panicking a little, a knot forming.
As though there was an enormous energy built up in me, I met his gaze, my shoulders square, my chin up. And when I spoke, my voice was shaky with emotion. “Because, I listen to you, Ethan.” It was the safest thing I could say, but was so far from the truth it was laughable. The risk felt very real to me here, almost as much as the danger I had run from.
The knot in my stomach got worse.
It was my own fault. I had opened myself up for this, but still I couldn’t seem to regret a moment of closeness with this man. The fear was the only thing that kept me sane. Getting closer to him meant I might have to expose my secret. What would happen if I told him? What if the town found out? Would they stick by me? Would I put them all into danger? It had happened before and Anna had gotten hurt, threatened just for trying to help. I couldn’t bear that again.
I couldn’t bear it to happen to the wonderful people I’d met here. But how was I going to resist him?
“For what it’s worth,” I said, my voice breathless. “I think you’re so damn brave, so capable and calm in the face of danger. You never even batted an eye in either incident. I wish I could be brave like that,” I whispered.
“You can be, sugar,” he said, drawing away from me. “Let’s get out of this danger zone, babe. I want to show you something.”
I closed my eyes, my dirty mind going right there. I wanted to see everything he wanted to show me in great detail. Get my hands all over it.
He slipped his hand in mine, the naturalness not lost on me again. He drew me along, scanning the booths until he came to one nestled between a clothing booth and a painter. He looked over the offerings and reached out and picked up a gorgeous Celtic butterfly made out of silver knots curved into beauty. “We’ll take this one,” he said, but I grabbed his wrist.
“What are you doing?”
“Getting this for you.”
“Ethan, no, it’s expensive—”
The woman totally ignored my protests, and she rang up his purchase. It was done. He’d bought the butterfly for me.
He took my hand again and we walked to the side to get out of the way of more patrons. He unclasped the delicate chain and slipped it around my neck as it nestled into the hollow of my throat.
“This shows us that were so connected to nature and to everything around us.” His hands lingered as the silver caught the light and sparked off the metal with a flash of bright beauty. “The butterfly stands for transformation. It’s all about stages.”
He smoothed his hands against the skin of my neck to my shoulders, curling around them and said, “If you want to be brave, don’t think about letting go of your fear because courage is charging into the danger that scares you, being brave is the result. Take one small step at a time.” He squeezed my shoulders and slipped his hands down my arms, his touch so gentle. “It’s a symbol of connection to the soul, too. It beckons us to keep our faith as we transition. Worrying and anger are really pretty useless against the turning of our lives. Christ holds a butterfly often in art. But it fits beautifully as we experience endless turns, shifts, and conditions that cause us to morph into ever-finer human beings. At the end of our journey we’re inevitably changed, not at all the same as when we started on the path. Unfurling in glory, stronger, surer, braver.”
Tears slipped down my cheeks at his words, and I could finally understand why Ethan’s daddy thought he’d make an amazing preacher. His words moved me, touched my heart with soft caressing fingers. I blinked rapidly as I looked up at him. He wiped away my tears.
“Bravery is in all of us, sugar. You’ll find it when you’re ready and willing to fight for what you want.”
I wrapped my arms around his neck and he held me tight. “You would make a damn fine preacher,” I whispered.
He let me go and looked down into my eyes. “Thanks.” He cupped my face, swiping at more moisture with his thumb. “Let me walk you back to your booth,” he said.
I didn’t want him to leave, but my half an hour was up and I needed to get back to work. But before I replaced Martha, I walked to where Skylar was watching us say our goodbyes. Her eyes twinkled with a warm light and I felt a great affection for both her and Samantha. They had been so darn kind to me.
“He’s a fine man,” she said, then lifted a bag up to me. “This is for you. It’s got some lotion, bath salts and something special. Don’t look until you get home,” she said slyly.
“All right.” For the rest of the afternoon, I eyed the bag. I couldn’t seem to help touching the butterfly as if I could draw strength from it. How I wanted to believe I could be as brave as he described.
At the end of the day, I headed home, my car sputtered and hiccupped a little. By the time I got to Outlaws, it was chugging a bit. I would have to see if I had enough money to have someone look at it. With apprehension twisting inside me, I parked and headed for the back and the sanctuary of my beautiful, cozy cottage space.
Once inside, I locked the door and headed for the bathroom. I was completely exhausted, but decided that a warm bath would be good for me to soak my tired muscles. I reached into the bag and pulled out what Sky had given me. There were therapeutic bath salts that was exactly what I needed, then a jasmine lotion. Finally, in the bottom of the bag, I pulled out…oh God…a sex bomb, and a ribbon of condoms. I closed my eyes and every sensual moment came rushing back at me.
I went out to the kitchen, picked up my phone and dialed the call. When she picked up, I said, “Really, Sky?”
“Aw, come on,” she said sleepily, “I’ve seen the way you look at him and the way he looks at you. It’ll set the mood perfectly. It’s got fragrant jasmine, clary sage and ylang ylang…all powerful aphrodisiacs, and some soy milk that will soften up…almost everything. Oh, don’t forget some candles.”
“Condoms?”
“Of course, always have to be safe. Besides, if you bought them in this town, everyone would know you were doing Ethan and as a fellow transplant, sometimes a girl needs her privacy. I just thought I would make sure you were prepared when it finally happened.”
