Page 40 of Sheltering Lawson
But the pleasant feeling was suddenly dominated by a feeling of fear. If something happened to anyone in this town, or to Ethan because I had spilled my guts instead of getting the hell out, I would be inconsolable. Closing my eyes, I tried to will away the feeling. I wasn’t going there. I was going to be positive and think this through rationally. Ethan and I would discuss this. I was no longer alone.
I was no longer alone.
Those words hit me like a ton of bricks just fell on my head. Ethan had nothing to lose, he wasn’t a part of Atlanta society or tied to any kind of job where Brad had influence. Ethan was going to be there for me.
It was easy to believe, snuggled securely in the curve of Ethan’s body. Tucking my hands under my face, I watched the sun filtering through the blinds play across the sill, falling on the bed, just touching one of his broad shoulders. My heart skipping like a schoolgirl remembering everything that had happened last night. He was amazing, and I had lost count of how many times we made love.
My thoughts stirred up a sexual restlessness in me. I closed my eyes, wanting it to happen all over again. Wanting to turn into his arms, wanting to feel him come awake, wanting him to slip inside me.
My breathing suddenly uneven. I swallowed hard and opened my eyes. Knowing I couldn’t stay here and remain still, I eased out of his hold, my skin already heated from his warmth. I carefully covered him up, then grabbed the first shirt I touched. It was Ethan’s. I got ambushed, pure and simple. It was the smell—the lingering male scent of him that did me in. I got such a rush of heat, it made my insides turn over. Clutching it against me, I closed my eyes and leaned my head back, my heart flip-flopping like crazy in my chest, my lungs jammed up and unable to function. It was as if last night was happening all over again. Memory touches—at every pulse point, and I clutched the shirt tighter. It had been so incredible. So intense. So…
I pulled it on, trying not to make a sound. I left the enclosure knowing there was no way I was going to be able to go back to sleep, not with all that restlessness, all that need pumping through me. I walked through the dusky house to the window seat as first light bled in through the east windows. Sinking down onto the cushions, staring out over the bayou. I leaned my shoulder into the jamb. I took a deep breath, the peace of this place unbelievable. Far in the distance the hoot of an owl mixed in with the chorus of insects and birds, a constant calming buzz. The water glistened a soft tangerine, reflecting the trees, hanging heavy with wisteria and Spanish moss and dripping with moisture from the dewfall. I could smell the perfume of all the summer flowers combined into a sweet, earthy scent that made it hard not to breathe deep and relax.
But relaxing wasn’t in the cards for me today or the days to come. This was a turning point in my life, my personal crossroads. If I didn’t stop running and turn to face my fears, my problems, I would never be free to make my own choices.
I glanced back at the screen that hid Ethan from me, my whole body feeling completely connected to him. He had been so good to me. But as I sat here watching the clouds lighten in the east, I faced the stark fact. I had already been in Suttontowne longer than I’d intended. A few days had stretched into a few weeks. I had a steady job, bless Braxton Outlaw and his messy books and his heart of gold. If he hadn’t opened his arms to me without so much as a worry about taking in a vagrant woman off the country road, I don’t know what would have happened to me.
I simply had no idea that people like Ethan and Braxton existed. The simple friendships I’d made here were some of the most significant ones I’d ever had in my life.
I closed my eyes and hugged myself, the warmth of the sun seemed far away. I felt stripped naked inside.
Taking a steadying breath, I opened my eyes, an ache snaking around my heart. I had to be realistic. This had, in the beginning, been only temporary. It wasn’t meant to be my final destination, but with a heavy heart I realized neither was Texas. I had been fooling myself into believing that he would let me go without a fight. It was all just too damned complicated.
I shivered hard, panic twisting, my breath catching at the thought of staying here…permanently. With Ethan. Something I wouldn’t have been capable of contemplating even six months ago, but I was so damn tired.
Except the thought of leaving here—going to Texas or back to Atlanta—made my insides hollow out. Was what I had experienced here all I could expect? Was it more than I could hope for?
I wrestled with my options and the only answer I kept coming back to was stay or go. If I went to Atlanta, I would have to face the demons that had been chasing me for a year, the danger of Bradley’s temper and his selfishness that extended to an explosive violence. If I went to Texas, my heart would shrivel up and die.
But here in Suttontowne, I could make a life for myself, the peace of the place sunk so deeply into my heart, it was hard to separate it from my feelings for Ethan. It was just one big ball of beautiful.
I would think about it some more, but right now I wanted to make some coffee and some scones. I filled the carafe and started the coffee brewing, got the flour, sugar, baking powder, butter, and semisweet chocolate chips together, then added my special ingredient—orange juice. I’d learned to make these at the doughnut shop in North Carolina. I had always wanted to make them just for myself, but now there was Ethan.
Popping them into the oven, a sound intruded, then a strong male hand cupped the back of my neck as Ethan murmured something. He removed the oven mitt from my hand, then ran his hand down my back. My heart struggled to keep on beating as I turned into his arms, certain I was simply going to fly apart. He was dressed only in jeans, and the feel of his warm skin nearly took me down.
“Morning, babe,” he whispered softly. When he looked into my face, he must have noticed my recent struggle with my decisions because he said, “Hey,” in such a soft voice. Holding on to me with one arm, he wrapped me up in a tight embrace. His fingers tangling in my hair, he clasped my head against him as he brushed my forehead with a soft kiss. There was a trace of humor in his voice. “I could so get used to this every morning,” he murmured, massaging my scalp. “Coffee, something completely delicious cooking in the oven, and…you. His voice got so rough, “Ah, God, Haley. You.”
I tried—I really tried to speak, but there was no way I could get any sound out. It was as if his touch had uncorked an even more desperate need in me, and I hauled in a lungful of air and flattened my hand against the wall of his chest as he nestled my head against him, a longing running through me.
Tightening his hold, he turned with me, folding me even tighter in his strength and warmth, and I clung to him, my whole body vibrating.
His breath was warm against my neck as he pressed his face to mine. “I got you, sugar,” he whispered, his voice husky. Then ever so gently he angled me away from him, and his hand cupped the juncture of my thighs. The touch was so electric that I jerked and tried to yank his hand away. But he cupped me even tighter. His voice very gruff, he said, “We have one condom left, but I want to wait until I’m so hot for you before we use it, but right now, we won’t need any for what I have in mind.” He tightened his arm around my shoulders.
Trembling, I wasn’t sure I could handle anything more with him, I was so raw from all this stuff going around in my head. Then Ethan moved his hand, and I made a low sound and tried to disengage his arousing touch. Pulling me against him so his mouth was next to my ear, he whispered, “I want to see you come. I want to hear you cry out for me to touch you, until you’re mindless with the pleasure.”
My mind rapidly losing focus, I tried to respond, “Ethan, please…”
“Your wish is my command,” he answered, his voice rough. Hooking his thumb under my jaw, he tipped my head and brushed his mouth against mine, telling me exactly what he wanted to do and how he was going to do it. His explicitness twisted the pleasure tight, until my strength crumbled, and I hung on to him, feeling as if I was about to dissolve. Then he covered my mouth in a hot, wet kiss, and I relinquished control. All I had to hang on to was the one solid thing in my out of control world.
His touch dragged me down deeper, and I gripped his arm, my senses spinning out of control. He tightened his hold on me, his voice rough and ragged against my ear as he urged me on. Then all that burgeoning need started to pull together and narrow, and with one last stroke, he took me over the top. I stiffened and sobbed out his name as the carnal satisfaction of climaxing against his fingers ripped through me, turning me into raw, exploding energy.
His hand still hard against me, he whispered his approval. Then he roughly pushed my backside against the counter. I clutched at him when he found me still pulsing. I was helpless against him and his determined ministrations as I immediately convulsed in white hot sensation.
Decimated by his generosity, by his tender touch, and his soft voice, I clutched him, raw emotion reducing me to tears.
Smoothing down my hair, he turned his face against mine. “Easy, sugar,” he said softly. “Easy as pie.” Shifting his hand in my hair, he expelled a shaky sigh and slid his other arm around my hips, his strength fusing us together. He said nothing; he simply held me, as if knowing I could not stand to be separated from him just yet.
Feeling all torn apart inside, I twisted my face in the curve of his neck, trembling from head to toe. I hadn’t known it could be like this—so shattering, so powerful, so intense.
