Page 47 of Sheltering Lawson
“No, you’re still dirty.” She leaned forward and kissed my mouth. “Very dirty.”
I reached out and wound a lock of her hair around my fingers, silky and wet, just the way I liked her. “When it comes to you, I’m afraid there’s not enough clean to wash away that kind of dirty. So, I think you might just be using that as an excuse.” I tugged on the lock and she gave me another kiss.
She looked at me innocently. “As an excuse for what? Enjoying all this gorgeous muscle?” She huffed out a breath, a smidgen of a smile at the corner of her delectable mouth. “Nonsense. I’m just thorough.” She ran the cloth over my pecs the terry abrading my already sensitize nipples. Haley’s tongue and teeth had awakened me to something new and arousing there. She shook her head, giving me a censuring look, the amusement climbing into her eyes. “Geez, the ego.”
I laughed and dragged her against me. “So, this is a sex bomb, huh?”
“You have a one-track mind.” She rolled her eyes at me. “Yes, it’s filled with aphrodisiacs like jasmine, clary, and ylang ylang.”
Her breasts flat against my chest, the heat of the water and her made my muscles feel like rubber. “I wasn’t talking about the ingredients. I was talking about you.”
“If there’s a sex bomb in this tub, it’s you. Mister Explosion After Explosion.”
I stared down in to her eyes. “What’s on your mind?” I asked. It wasn’t lost on me that she had that look all night that she wanted to talk to me. I didn’t know what was holding her back. I thought we had gotten everything out already.
She reclined against me. “I had the best day, filled with laughter and fun. Thank you for getting me kidnapped.”
Her eyes had a shining quality to them that I really liked. Her happiness made mine all the more satisfying. I brushed her forehead with my lips. “You needed a break. That’s not what you wanted to talk about though.”
“Brax offered me a job. An amazing opportunity.” She outlined his proposal and the fact that he wanted her to go to law school.
“Do you want to become a lawyer?”
“Yes, I was on my way when I got derailed. I’ve already taken the LSATs. Corporate law would suit me as well as accounting has, complimenting my bachelors and masters. I think I also want to take the CPA exam and make it official.”
My heart doing crazy barrel rolls, I framed her face between my hands, needing to anchor myself. My tone sharp—intense. “Does this mean—”
“Yes, I want to stay here. I want to be with you, spend every day making this thing between us—” I cut her off, kissed her mouth, elated and grateful. When I finally released her lips, she said, breathlessly. “—stronger.” I kissed her again, then again as she wrapped her arms around me, splashing warm water against my skin. “And, I want more of that. Plenty more of that,” she breathed.
My throat tight, I said, “I think I can manage that.”
Her face went pensive, and she cupped my jaw.
“Oh, there’s more.” My gut clenched at the worry and stress on her face. “This is what you really want to talk to me about.”
“Yes. I need to go back alone, Ethan.”
“What?” I sat up straight, my violent movement dislodging her and splashing water onto the floor, my gut clenching with alarm, anger forming. “No! I don’t think that’s a good idea. You need me.”
She took a deep, unsteady breath, then looked away, her face drawn. “Here, waiting for me to handle this.” She paused, obviously struggling; then she looked at me, despair in her eyes. “I’ve never handled anything on my own, and I think I need to do this by myself,” she whispered. She frowned and looked away, as if her emotions were too raw to hold my gaze. Finally, she looked at me, her face tight and anxious. “I know you want to help, but try to understand.”
I was struggling with this. I didn’t want her to be on her own. I had promised her. “But, you’re not alone anymore, Haley. Why do this when you don’t have to?”
My heart full to bursting for the torment I saw stamped on her face. Taking a deep breath, her voice uneven, she said, “Because, it’s my mess, Ethan. It’s something I have to do for myself. For my own peace of mind.” I could feel the rigid tension in her. “I need to be satisfied that I stood up to them.” Her voice catching, she leaned forward, setting her hand on my chest. “I’m so thankful I met you, so thankful that you gave me the vision to see what I needed to do, even though I’ve known deep down it was necessary. I wasn’t truly free. I haven’t been for a long, long time. Maybe never.”
I was humbled thinking how strong she was being when I knew she was scared out of her mind. The fact that she wanted to do this for me…to come back here to me was mind-boggling. But letting her go, that was going to take some work. I’d have to build up to that, process this all. Then she threw a huge bomb in my direction and it exploded with a bang.
“You have some things to work out, too, Ethan,” she said gently, and I couldn’t argue with her. “Like what you want to do about your choice between preaching and law enforcement. Training for both of us will take some time and something you need to consider. You’ve been running just like me, even though you’re standing still, you’re still running. Maybe it’s time for you to stop, too.” This was all too much for me. I got out of the tub and grabbed a towel, wrapping it around my waist.
“Ethan,” she said, but I walked out of the room to my bag. I whipped off the towel and dried off.
She came to the enclosure and stood there looking forlorn and scared. And, I couldn’t do it. My anger dissipated, and I cursed under my breath. I took two steps and yanked her into my arms. My heart full to bursting. I knew she was right. I swore again as she wrapped her arms around me.
“Don’t be angry, please. We have to face up to this stuff so we can both move on. Don’t you want to? Am I wrong?”
“Yes,” I growled. “And, no, you’re not wrong. That’s what is pissing me off. I’m not mad at you, just the circumstances.” Hauling in a deep, ragged breath, I tightened my embrace. “He could keep you tied up for years, Haley,” I whispered roughly, holding her as if I couldn’t let her go. “I don’t want to wait that long.”
“I know, but we’re going to hope for the best.”
