Page 26 of Sheltering Lawson
Which brought on a wealth of guilt. I had just opened my big mouth and stuck my big foot right into it. “Did I just get you into trouble?” I murmured, the sound of my voice laced with the remorse I was feeling.
There was a tense stillness; then he spoke, an edge to his voice. I stuck my hands in my back pockets, trying with all my might not to touch him. “It’s not your fault, sugar. My daddy and I have been rehashing this ole’ song and dance for some years.”
He took my elbow, and he drew me to the first booth full of gorgeous pottery. I especially loved the winsome frogs and fireflies all over the bowls, plates, and kitchenware. “Well, that may be true, but it couldn’t help matters that I blurted out what you did to stop that thief and your takedown of the drunk. I thought he would be proud of you.”
I picked up one of the bowls and looked at the price. It was reasonable and the blue color would look so good on my kitchen counter, but I never bought items other than clothing, food or gas. Everything else was nonessential. Reluctantly, I set it down.
“He’d be proud of me if I had gone into the seminary which is what he’s pushing for. But I turned my back on him and the church and went into the Marines instead.”
We were between the booths and he crowded me away from the throng to the back where it was private and shadowed beneath the awning. His big body was so close to me, and again, I marveled at the way he made me feel safe instead of claustrophobic and threatened. His thick muscles telling me there was so much power innate in every ropey fiber. He was so close, and I had nowhere to go. The air seemed to dance and crackle around us. When I needed to steady myself, I reached out and connected to his smooth forearms, warm, flexing beneath my palms as he spread his legs to anchor both of us and set his big hands on my waist, sending arcing shivers from head to toe. I tried to get a breath past the thickness in my chest. “To get away?”
His lids dropped over his blue/green eyes as if he was trying to conceal a hidden truth that was painful for him to admit. His lashes were so thick, they brushed his cheeks like dark shadows. When they lifted, my heart tightened at the look of hurt he allowed me to see. I was humbled by his honesty. “Yeah, to run away.”
“I know how you feel,” I said, my voice very quiet. I was walking a thin line here, a very thin line. Getting personal with Ethan opened the door. I was well aware of that, but I couldn’t leave him like this. But, this…sharing felt much more dangerous than anything physical between us. This was the kind of closeness that could land me in very hot, very deep water.
He gave me a sharp look, but didn’t pursue any line of questioning. Instead, he said, “I wish he would listen to me. Really listen instead of turning deaf ears to my struggle.”
The knot of nerves eased just a little. “Do you want to be a preacher?”
He closed his eyes, exhaling heavily, his warm breath displacing the air around us, but not diminishing the tension that was building as if a storm was approaching. His forearms flexed again, his hands at my waist sending more sparks igniting down my spine. “I don’t know. It’s all I’ve heard for most of my life, so I’m not sure if I’m rebelling because it’s not for me, or I’m sick of being prodded in that direction.” There was a trace of bitterness in his voice. Had he stepped closer or was I only wishing he would? “I’m honestly not sure.”
My hands slid along his smooth skin, up over his deliciously hard biceps to his shoulders almost against my will. “You enjoyed being a Marine?”
His hands moved to my lower back, the tingles increasing until everything was throbbing, the tips of my nipples, the hot place between my legs. “I know it sounds strange, but yes, I did. I loved serving my country, being in a special group of men and women who defied death and went into battle. I like the justice of what we attempted to do over there. I’m proud of my service.”
I stared at him, the first flicker of anger pumping through me. His father was a blind fool to make him feel this way. I flattened my palms against his chest, my hands forming into fists and curling in his shirt. “You should be, Ethan. You should be proud of every moment.” I emphasized my words by shaking him just a bit. “Don’t let him diminish what you did to nothing but violence.” Fortified by his presence and the way he was so focused on me, that anger for his daddy intensified. “It wasn’t about combat. It was about protecting and serving. Whatever you decide to do, make sure he understands that,” I said, my tone quiet and precise. My throat suddenly aching, I willed away the sudden sting of tears.
Exhaling heavily again, he put pressure on my lower back, pressing my hips against his, my abdomen against the ridges of his. “You don’t know my daddy.”
Holding his gaze, I gave him an unsteady smile. “I don’t want to if he’s going to act like a jackass.”
There was a flicker of humor around his mouth; then his expression sobered, the pain in his eyes tearing at my heart. “Don’t let him do this to you, Ethan.”
He closed his eyes again for a moment. When he lifted his lashes, his voice had dropped to a husky, bone-melting octave.
“I can’t think around you, Lawson.” His lips brushed across mine. “You drive me crazy.”
I wanted more, so much more. I could feel how hard he was against the placket of my jeans, his chest heaving. I stared at him wanting him to take this further because I couldn’t. Locked into my own sorry situation, I was just too scared. This felt like a commitment, this kiss would seal it. But I trembled in his embrace and stared up at him like I was ready to flee.
He dropped another whisper of a kiss on my mouth, then another, then he was deepening it, devouring me. I wrapped my arms around his neck, my hand slipping to his nape and urging him to keep his full, delicious mouth on mine. His skill with his clever tongue only made me wonder how it would feel on other places on my body just as he groaned softly against my mouth.
He kept control of the kiss as he drew my hips even harder against his lower body. I groaned at the hard contact. It had been so long since I’d been with a man. But my restriction was such a barrier, how could I cross it? How could I tell him what was holding me back to being with him physically was based on vows I took, but hadn’t dissolved? How could I get into bed with him with that hanging over us? Everything would come out, and I’d be right where I hadn’t wanted to go.
But all that just flew out of my head when he moved his hands up my rib cage and teased his thumbs over my aching nipples. I wanted to strip naked, feel his skin against mine, gasping into his mouth as he made harder contact with my breasts. I arched, my hips surging forward, seeking the sweet, hard bulge. Dammit, I wanted it all. His mouth on me, the hard length of him between my legs, buried deep inside of me. I was all but coming apart and falling into tiny pieces into his waiting hands as he continued to drive me wild.
I groaned when he moved his hips into mine again, holding my butt with one hand and now fully cupping my breast with his other, pinching and rolling my nipple hard, sending spiraling pleasure into my core. He robbed me of breath and the reality of what we were doing in the middle of a festival crashed into me.
“Ethan—”
“Hush,” he instructed, taking my mouth again in a kiss so hot, so amazing, I thought I would melt like ice cream in the sun.
I was powerless against this, against him. It was too good, and he was impossible to push away. Especially when I didn’t really want the contact to end. I shut out thoughts of what would happen next and tried hard, very hard, to just enjoy this for what it was.
I kissed him back, my fingers delving into his hair, mussing the thick waves as he continued. This had to end soon, and I was already fighting against it.
He slowed the kiss, then finally ended it. But rather than feeling awkward, I was so energized, languid as if we’d been together so long, we were accustomed to losing control like this. “Crazy,” he murmured. “Fucking crazy, Lawson.”
He slid my long braid over my shoulder and toyed with the ends of it, glancing up through those impossibly thick lashes. His eyes moved over me, lingering on my breasts and flicking over my hips. I knew what he was thinking. He wanted me naked beneath him as he pumped into me which only made my body go liquid and needy again.
