Page 37 of Sheltering Lawson
“There’s nothing to be ashamed of, babe. You did what you had to do.”
“I know. It’s just that my last job was in desperation. I wouldn’t have done it under normal circumstances, but I was hungry and sick of living in my car. I was weak. I just wanted some decent meals and a soft bed, even for a few weeks.”
“What did you do?” He asked quietly, still without an ounce of judgment.
I was holding back on him because I was ashamed of what I’d had to do. I hadn’t told him I was married because then I’d have to tell him the whole awful story, how helpless I was, how weak I was to have run away. Was still running. I had fallen from being a wealthy pampered princess to a desperate, starving waif. “I was a stripper.”
I wasn’t sure what I expected. Maybe disgust, maybe censure, maybe that he would dump me on the floor and walk out. He was brought up in a religious household, and I had been indecent in public. He waited as if I had more to say. “That’s all?”
“What do you mean? That’s all? Isn’t that enough that I took my clothes off for money?”
“Do you think because I’m a preacher’s son that I would…judge you unworthy because you did something considered by society to be an unacceptable way to make a living?”
“I don’t know. I thought you might think poorly of me. And I couldn’t bear that, Ethan.”
He cupped my cheek, his thumb gliding back and forth, dipping to the corner of my mouth. “I grew up in a house that was about charity and forgiveness. My daddy taught me there were people more unfortunate in this world than us. He taught me about giving instead of receiving. He taught me that people are fallible, but he also showed me how offering my palm to help instead of my disdain to judge made all the difference in the world. You did what you had to do to survive. I’m more proud of you for getting out of that situation and, although, not optimal, trying to live your own life in the face of violence. That is what’s admirable, babe.”
Feeling as if I had just discovered something so enormous and so significant, I had to swallow before I could get anything past my thick throat. I repeated the word softly, stunned as my fingers went back to his mouth, the tips tracing his lips. “Admirable. Oh, Ethan…”
The reasons I hadn’t let our attraction go any further were no longer an issue. Ethan had knocked down all my barriers. I simply had nothing left to fight with or against. Experiencing a heavy rush of warmth for this man, I clenched my jaw, my whole body responding to his closeness. I was losing it, really losing it, my breathing coming in ragged in-takes.
My eyes burning with tears, I pressed harder on his mouth, and he closed his eyes as if he was savoring my touch. It was seductive, addicting to have this man beneath my hands. My rock. My anchor. My knight in shining armor.
“I fucking want you, Lawson. I want you in any and every way I can get you. You make me feel, and think, and laugh.”
I closed my eyes, feeling totally shredded inside as I wrestled with one last deep secret that I’d held back. I took a breath, knowing that I could trust Ethan with my life. He would keep me safe. It made me feel so light and airy inside. My lips trembling, I said, “My name isn’t Lawson…it’s Haley.”
His eyes shining, he tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. “Haley…that’s really pretty.”
“Donovan is my maiden name. I took it back when I filed for divorce. His last name—”
He kissed me, his mouth effectively cutting off my words. With a soft sigh, he said, “We’ll talk about that fucker later. Thank you for trusting me.”
I smiled at the vehemence in his voice. “Lawson is my great-grandmother’s maiden name and Edwards is my great-great-grandmother’s maiden name.” My vision blurred with the enormity of my feelings. “I just needed a part of my family to hold on to my identity.”
“I get that, sugar. You’re going to be okay. Everything will work out. We’ll take it step by step, day by day. We’ll be your family here in Suttontowne.”
Fortified with hope and a crazy kind of determination, I slipped my hand around the back of his neck, my heart growing larger and more cumbersome with every breath, my nerves vibrating so badly that I was shaking. I didn’t have a clue what I was doing. But I didn’t care. One thing I did know for sure—being with Ethan could never be a mistake.
My vision blurring with the enormity of my feelings, I whispered his name. Something strong, pure and true arced between us. Seeing the longing in Ethan’s eyes did me in. My voice catching on a sob, I murmured his name again.
Another sound slid out of me when Ethan crushed his mouth to mine, his hand roughly holding my jaw. Frantic with an onslaught of need, I clung to him, devouring his mouth. I had never experienced anything like it, Brad had been my only lover, but there was no comparison between them. Ethan was in a class by himself. My breathing out of control, I locked my arms around him, pulling myself flush against him, needing him, needing more.
Hoarsely whispering my name—ah, it felt so good to have my real name on his lips—he delved into my hair, clasping me to him, brushing his lips across mine, the surge of raw sexual energy was like being struck by lightning.
My breathing locked in my chest, I lifted myself higher and opened my mouth, needing the heat of him. Ethan shuddered, grinding his mouth against mine as he crushed me even tighter.
Body to body, heat to heat, he took my mouth, took everything I had as I surrendered to this chemistry that had been brewing since day one. I had no idea what desire was. My relationship had been…tame compared to what I felt for Ethan, and the memory of him was simply incinerated by his hot, wet plundering mouth. Making a low sound of restraint, he tried to tear his mouth away, but I grasped his face, holding him to me, unable to bear any kind of space between us. I had to have him and taking what we started to its completion, imperative. I would disintegrate into a million frantic pieces without him.
His breathing raw and labored, Ethan ripped his mouth away and rose, lifting me with him. He went to the bed, then swore softly under his breath. “Damn, protection.”
“I have some,” I said. “Sky gave them to me.” Just about now, I was so damn glad she had. His thick lashes tangled with the incandescent blue-green of his eyes as he looked at me.
“Sky?” He shook his head. “This town always surprises me.”
“I’ll explain later.”
“Fucking works for me,” he murmured, kissing me slowly until I groaned against his mouth, wanting all of him. “We have a lot of talking to do…later, much later.”
