Page 75 of Fallen
"I don't know what I thought." I leaned my head back and glanced at the high ceiling. "I screwed up, okay?"
The sound of metal dragging on wood caught my attention. She dug around in the drawer for a couple more seconds.
"I loved you once upon a time, Lucian, with everything within me. Jason and Ryan helped me after your apparent threat. You frightened them so badly that they turned out to be good humans instead of the thugs they would've become. They were my only friends besides you. And then you got jealous and went into a rage." Her voice was no longer hateful. It was raw and filled with pain.
How I wanted to change that day, to reverse time and go back and redo everything.
"I know that now. I'm sorry. I don't know what more I can do."
"If you're so sorry, then bring Jason back." She stared at me with something like hope, as if she didn't want to believe I could snap my fingers and repair everything, yet that tiny spark of hope still lingered.
I swallowed. "I cannot turn back time, Anna."
"Then you truly are dead to me." Her fist clenched something against her chest.
"I made a mistake, I admit that."
"So,murderis just a mistake to you?"
"You know what I mean." I held out my palms. "Please. Just let me—"
She flung her hand outward. Something straight and silver flew my direction and bounced off my chest.
"You're nothing to me any longer. I never want to see you again. You might've saved me from the darkness in my head, but you still left me in a darkness so black I'll never find my way out."
"Anna," I breathed, at a loss as to what I needed to do to fix her, to fix us.
"Get out. I’ve chosen my path, and it's whatever opposesyou." She snatched her habit lying at the foot of her bed. "God sent someone to save me when you wouldn't. I'll never forget that. I'm not a nun yet, but I will be."
"How does becoming a prudish nun help? You detested this place growing up." It seemed more like torture or punishment.
"This place might've felt like a cage, but I realize it was a refuge from the evil in the world. God showed me the way to move forward and stop thinking of myself when she sent Father Martin to save my life."
What is she talking about? Apriestsaved her?The idea was preposterous…unsettling.
"Isaved you, not God. If it hadn't been for me, you would've—"
"No, Lucian. When I was trapped in that car and about to burn alive, I called for you. Over and over and over again, I prayed you would rescue me." Her eyes hardened. "But you never lifted a finger to help me."
My mind whirled. Ihadblocked her prayers after I'd caused the little mess at the spa. I'd been ashamed of what I'd done, and I'd been afraid of facing judgment. Anna's judgment.
But what does she mean about burning alive?What had I done?
"You abandoned me in my greatest time of need. But you know what?" She took a step closer to me.
I raised my palms in front of my chest.
"God sent a priest who never thought twice about reaching in that burning car to save me, to save Bridget. So fuck off before I throw some Holy water on your sorry ass."
Her eyes shone with malice, or hate, or some other negative emotion.
The idea of God stepping in when I should have made my temper rise, though. Anna was mine. God would not take anything else from me. Not again.
"I could rescind what was so freely given to you." I lowered my eyelids deliberately and stared at her irises, forcing myself to remain calm. The thought of God replacing me in Anna's life threatened to send me over the edge.
"Go ahead. Leave me blind again. I have nothing else." She tipped her chin to the ceiling, as if offering a prayer. "I was better off when I was blind and didn't know you, anyhow."
Her words were nettles of poison straight to my heart, each prick a deep sting of regret and bitterness.
