Page 117 of Off Script
Conversations swirl around us, but I only have eyes for the woman sitting next to me. My arm is draped across Carlisle’s bare back as my thumb gently scrapes across her shoulder blade. She looks stunning in her silky, high neck emerald evening gown, the color of which makes her ocean eyes appear more green than blue.
She also looks like she could vomit at any moment.
“Nervous?” I ask while we sit in our front row seats inside the Dolby Auditorium.
“Very. Maybe even bordering on the realm of petrification.” She tosses me a pained smile. “You?”
“No.” I gaze at her adoringly. “I already have everything I could ever want in life. Who cares if I win an Oscar?”
Since our reconciliation, Carlisle and I have kept our relationship largely out of the spotlight. Occasionally the paparazzi find us, andsome photos will land online, but it’s a rare occurrence. While Carlisle will often accompany me to big events, she never walks the red carpet with me, instead choosing to meet me inside the venue away from the prying eyes of the press. The ability to conduct our private lives outside of the public eye is paramount, and we take whatever precautions necessary to keep it that way.
However, tonight is a very big deal. I was nominated for an Academy Award for my role inLosing Love, so for the first time, Carlisle stood beside me on the red carpet and now she sits beside me during the awards show. It means the world to me to have her unwavering support.
"Even if you don't win, I want you to know how proud I am of you," she remarks, inclining her head in my direction.
Lifting her hand to caress my cheek, I grab it and kiss her palm. When I do, my fingers graze across the gold charm bracelet that she still wears on her left wrist, an ever-present reminder of our love, how far we’ve come, and my promise to her about our future.
As our relationship has progressed, I’ve added more charms onto the bracelet. Some signify our travels, like the maple leaf that I bought while we were living in Vancouver filmingLosing Loveor the kangaroo charm that we selected together while we vacationed in Australia. Others represent important events in our lives, like the peony charm that I gave Carlisle on the fifth anniversary of her mother's death because peonies were Vivian's favorite flowers. Or the puppy charm that I gave Carlisle for Christmas this year. Don't worry—there was a real puppy waiting for her in the backyard too. We've only had Wally for two months, and despite the number of shoes he's destroyed, we love him like crazy. And tonight, I'm going to give Carlisle one more charm to add to her bracelet.
"I wishyour parents could be here," Carlisle remarks, as I immediately shake my head.
"Yeah, nope, babe. We're going to have to agree to disagree about that." Carlisle and my parents are thick as thieves, which I'm grateful for, but selfishly, I'm glad it's just the two of us tonight.
My parents were overjoyed when I first told them that Carlisle and I were dating and that it was serious between us. Carlisle and my mom have developed an especially tight bond. Carlisle misses her own mother immensely, and my mom has welcomed filling the void and acting as a second mother to her.
I wish that the issues between Carlisle and her father’s second family had been resolved, but nothing much has changed. Regretfully, her dad still has never made amends for his behavior, nor has he made any effort to repair their broken bond. On our infrequent visits to Mississippi, he sweeps the past under the rug, making no mention of Carlisle’s mother or any of his prior misdeeds. Every trip back to her birthplace is a painful reminder of everything she lost when her mom died, so I support her choice whenever she declines one of her stepmother’s rare invitations.
The lights go down, signaling the end of the commercial break. Oscar attendees dash back to their seats as the orchestra plays. Last year’s winner for Best Actress in a Leading Role, Jessica Mervyn, glides towards the podium to announce this year’s nominees for Best Actor in a Leading Role. It’s a surreal moment hearing my name read aloud alongside some of Hollywood’s biggest and brightest talents.
Carlisle holds my hand in a death grip, cutting off the circulation. Despite my assertion that I wasn't nervous, my hand grows clammy.
I can't believe this is my life.
“And the Oscar for Best Actor in a Leading Role goes to… Ben Sutton for his role as Martin inLosing Love! This is the first Oscar and first nomination for Ben Sutton.”
My breath hitches in stunned amazement. Applause erupts around me. Hands pat me on the back. I turn to Carlisle and her beaming smile convinces me that I wasn't hallucinating when I heard the announcement. Carlisle stands and graces me with a quick kiss before urging me toward the stage to accept the award.
Holding the gold statuette in my hand, which is heavier than expected, I’m overcome with emotion. I seek out Carlisle in the audience. Her loving gaze and dimpled smile give me the confidence boost I need. Clearing my throat, I begin the acceptance speech that I hastily wrote this morning.
“There are so many people I need to thank who have helped me get to where I am now—standing here on this stage holding an Oscar. It's unreal. Thank you to my director, my producers, my wonderfully talented co-star Sheridan Finley, the many members of my team, and my family, but most especially to the love of my life, Carlisle. Without her love and support, I would not be where I am today, nor would I be the man I am today.
“Like the title of the movie,Losing Love, I almost lost her love very early in our relationship, and I thank God daily that she and I made our ways back to one another. Carlisle, thank you for sticking with me through the hard times so that we can enjoy these good times together. I love you more than you could ever know.”
CARLISLE
My feet are killing me because of the sky-high heels that Ben’s stylist convinced me to wear with my designer dress, and my lower back aches from standing in said shoes for hours. I’m literally counting down the minutes until we leave, so I can take off the two pairs of Spanx that this dress required.
Yes, one pair of Spanx wasn’t enough. Whoever said beauty was pain was dead right.
I love supporting Ben, but these events are stifling. Even though Ben and I have been together for over three years, I still don’t feel like I’ve gotten the hang of these fancy pants, hoity-toity parties. It's a lot for this small-town Mississippi girl.
We ran into Willa earlier at an after party tonight. Given how her fame has reached atmospheric heights, I wasn’t sure she would attend, but she did. It’s taken some time, but slowly Ben and Willa are rebuilding their friendship. It will never be the same as it was previously, but that’s life. Things change and evolve. The important thing is that the three of us harbor no ill will towards one another. She actually helped us out after Ben and I got back together.
As soon as the stories hit the news cycle about Ben and my relationship, there was a lot of public backlash on social media from the#Willenfans. Hateful comments, threats, and accusations. Speculation that I was the reason that Ben and Willa broke up. Then someone uncovered my address and posted it online. Overnight, Harper and I had dozens of paparazzi loitering outside our condo. It was the impetus Ben needed to convince me to officially move in with him.
Ben tried his best to subtly persuade fans that I had not been behind the downfall of his relationship with Willa, but he was stymied by the parameters of the studio’s NDA that he signed. There was so much that he couldn’t admit to or explain, but he communicated that he was in love with me, not Willa.
Unfortunately, no matter what we said or did, some of the crazies wouldn’t let it drop. I had to shut down comments and direct messages on my social media accounts for over a month, which was annoying and less than ideal since I was simultaneously trying to turn my cooking blog into a real revenue stream.
