Page 28 of Off Script
It's been a month since that magazine article came out and Jordan and Trevor have only stopped ribbing me about it in the last few days.
Rolling my eyes, I tease Willa back, "You sound jealous, Willa. Don't worry. I'll put in a good word for you next year."
She gives me a playful shove. "How are you? How are things?"
“Good. You still seeing that douche from the Dolphins? What’s his name again? Darrin?”
Elbowing me in the stomach, she admonishes me. “Shut your mouth, you asshat. You know his name is Baron. You just don’t like him because you’re not a baseball fan.” She shrugs, smiling mirthlessly. “But we broke up last year."
Fuck, last year.I've seen Willa countless times at studio events and some group outings with mutual friends, but I realize guiltily that I haven't done much but scrape the surface with her.
"What happened? I thought you guys were serious."
"It was too hard with my shooting schedule and his constant traveling during baseball season. We never saw each other.”
“If he let you go, then he’s stupid, Pipsqueak.” I appraise her with calculating eyes. Despite her flawless appearance, contradictory words, and smiling face, I see right through Willa’s cheery façade. “Seriously, how are you?”
“I’m okay, but I’m not great,” she concedes with sadness tinging her large green eyes. A heavy, silent moment is shared between us before she swats playfully at arm, attempting to lighten the mood. “I always knew beneath that rugged exterior that you were a giant softie.”
Lightly, I touch her arm giving her a quick squeeze. “I’m here if you need to talk. Or just hang out.”
“I know. And thanks, Benji.” Willa tucks her arm in mine and pulls me along behind her. For only being five foot nothing, she’s decidedly strong. “C’mon, let’s piss Jada off and rearrange the place cards so that we can sit next to each other at dinner. We need to catch up properly. How’s Jordan? Got any new projects in the pipeline?”
Spending the rest of the evening hanging out with Willa is the perfect antidote to the stress of trying to land a new movie deal, and our conversation keeps my mind from straying to Carlisle too often. But as soon as Jada releases me for the night and the valet hands me my car keys, I dial Carlisle’s number. It’s later than I’d like, but I don’t even consider waiting to call her back until the morning.
“Hello,” she greets me sleepily.
“Hey, I’m sorry to wake you, but I had to hear your voice,” I say, shrugging out of my jacket before starting the car.
“It’s okay. I’m glad you called.” She sounds slightly more awake now.
“I’m happy to hear that. Since my ten phone calls and twenty-nine texts went unanswered today, I wasn’t sure you’d want to hear from me again.” I’m exaggerating. I only called her four times and texted thirteen times.
“I must admit, they didn’t do much to persuade me you aren’t an obsessive stalker,” Carlisle snickers. She pauses before adding, “But you continue to confuse me. I don’t understand what you want from me, Ben. After what you said last night, why keep communicating?"
"Because I missed you."
“Ben, I don’t know what’s going on between us, but given that you don’t want to meet, we’ll never know what could develop between us. And that frustrates me. What if we miss out on something good because you’re too scared to pursue this legitimately?”
“One of my buddies told me something similar when I told him about you today,” I quietly admit.
“You told your friend about me?” She sounds surprised.
“Actually, I told two friends about you.”
“I don’t get it. You place limitations on our friendship by saying that we can never hang out in person, which makes me feel like my presence in your life is insignificant. But if that’s true, then why are you talking about me to your friends?”
“You’re not insignificant, Carlisle.” I counter her assumption without hesitation. “I told them about you because they could tell that I was preoccupied. I can’t stop thinking about you.”
“God, Ben. Just stop,” she snaps. “When you say things like that, and it feels like you're toying with my emotions.”
“I’m sorry, Carlisle.” Agitated, I run my hand through my hair. Having arrived home, I click the fob and wait for the gates to slowly separate before I roll through them and drive up the private road which leads to my house. I park in the garage and exit my car, slamming the door behind me. “I’m being selfish, but I realized today that I can’t let you go. I should protect you and keep you away from the insanity of my world, but I can’t bring myself to do that.”
“Maybe I’m a glutton for punishment, but I don’t want to let go of you either. I don’t want to say goodbye because I want to explore this connection between us. What are we? Just friends… or something more?”
“Do we need to label it?” My words hang in the air, and my chest feels heavy as I wait, hating the strained silence.
“I don’t do well with ambiguity, Ben.” Carlisle hesitates. “For my peace of mind, can you at least answer a few of my questions? Please.”
