Page 95 of Off Script
“Maybe to drive a wedge between us. Who knows? My question is what are you going to do about it, Ben?”
“There’s not anything I can do, babe. My hands are tied. I talked to Becky already, and the studio wants us to proceed as planned. They’re thrilled because Willa’s stunt will garner even more hype.”
A hurt look flashes across Carlisle’s face as she processes my words. “So, you’re not going to correct or refute what Willa said?”
Shaking my head slowly, I reply, “I can’t. Also, if I want to land the lead inLosing Love, I can’t stir up shit because the backlash would look bad for the studio. That wouldn’t look good for me professionally.”
The longer I talk to Carlisle, the more my anger towards Willa rises. Her impulsive comments have totally screwed me, and it’s devastated Carlisle during a time when she’s already vulnerable.
Carlisle looks down and slowly closes her eyes as she fights tears. When she looks back up, her eyes are filled with anguish. “You wanted me to be more honest with you, so here it is… I hate this! It’s not your fault Willa went off script, but I don’t know how much more of this I can handle emotionally without breaking. I’ve done what you suggested and tried to avoid the press surrounding y’all, but it doesn’t matter. As much as I try to avoid everything, I can’t because the stories about you two are everywhere," her voice cracks under thestrain of her emotions. "And it breaks me just a little more each time I see something new.”
Her pain cuts me like a knife, and I wish that I could take it away. “You only need to keep it together another two or three days, baby, and then I’ll have you back in my arms. I can tell this is hurting you, and I’m so, so sorry.”
“I know you’d never do anything to hurt me deliberately, but still… deliberate or not, I keep getting hurt.” Her tears escape, leaving tracks down her cheeks. “It sucks,” she whispers. “Maybe I’m not strong enough to continue with this, Ben.”
“No, don’t say that. You are. You are so strong, Carlisle.” When she doesn’t say anything, I groan sadly. “God, if I could turn back time, I never would have agreed to this.”
“Can’t you just get out of it somehow? Break up sooner than expected?” Carlisle pleads.
“I can’t, babe.” I sigh, slumping in defeat. “I’m contractually obligated to continue the ruse. If I back out now, I could be sued for breach of contract and that would jeopardize my future projects because I’d be that much harder to insure.” I pause. “I’m so fucking sorry, sorrier than you’ll ever know.”
Disappointment flashes across her face. “Okay.” Carlisle blows out a long breath and wipes away her tears with the back of her hand. She looks so defeated. Gnawing her lower lip, she says, so quietly that I almost can’t hear her, “I think I need some time and space to process everything.”
“Babe, no. We’re so close to being back together, please don’t do this now,” I beg her, a sharp pang hitting my chest before unadulterated panic spreads through my body.
“Ben, give me a day or two to decompress.” Her gaze falls to the floor as she refuses to meet my eyes.
“Carlisle, please. Please don’t do this. I… I love you.” I pull my fingers roughly through my hair, my composure crumbling under my swirling emotions. “This isn’t how I wanted to tell you, but you have to know. I love you. I am in love with you.”
“Ben, I…” She sniffles and wipes her nose. Her chin wobbles and it breaks my heart that I can’t touch her. That my words aren't enough to console her. “I need space. It’s not goodbye. I just need to hit the pause button, okay?”
“It’s not what I want to hear, obviously, but I’ll give you the space you need. I’ll be home in two-and-a-half days, and I promise I’ll make it up to you then. Please call if you change your mind. I don’t care if I’m in the middle of an interview, I’ll answer your call.”
What else can I say?I tell her that I’m in love with her and she asks to pause our relationship.
A nauseating sense of unease settles over me, gripping me and refusing to subside, as I try to fall asleep that night. There was a finality in Carlisle’s goodbye that haunts me when I close my eyes. Despite my fatigue, I keep replaying all the strange events of tonight.
At some point, after much tossing and turning, I finally manage to slip into a restless sleep, only to be jarred awake by the alarm on my cell phone. Muttering obscenities, I roll over in bed, clamping a pillow over my head to drown out the noise. There is no way that it can already be time to get up. Scowling, I sit up and notice that the clock on my bedside table reads 3:47.
No wonder I’m still tired. I’ve only been asleep for an hour or two. More coherent now, I realize that the noise that woke me has ceased. I grab my phone and see that I have three missed calls from Willa. It must have been my phone ringing that woke me, not my alarm. I’m tempted to ignore her calls, but she’s never called me in the middle of the night before, much less called me three times back-to-back in the middle of the night.
Pressing the call button, I lie back down in bed, mentally preparing myself for more bullshit. She's probably drunk and wants to yell at me.
“Benji,” Willa slurs as soon as she answers the phone. “I’m… I can’t find Thad or anyone.” She sounds drunk. Between her garbled words and the club’s loud bass reverberating through my phone’s speakers, it’s difficult to understand what she’s saying. I press my phone firmly to my ear to catch her next words. “They’re gone. They left me. Everyone leaves me.”
“Willa? Talk louder, I can’t understand you.” Sitting up in bed, I’m instantly alert.Did Thad fucking leave Willa at the club?
“I need you… I need help. No… nobody is here. I can’t find anyone!” Her voice, at first slow and sluggish, comes out faster, becoming frantic. “Help me, Benji.”
“Are you still at the same club?” Jumping out of bed, I drag on sweatpants as we speak. My earlier irritation, while still present, has been mostly replaced with worry. “I’ll be right there.”
“I knew you’d come for me, Benji.” Her voice is strained, and her speech is even more distorted. I can’t believe Thad and Evan left her alone in this condition. She’s obviously drunk off her ass. “I knew you loved me.”
Fuck, are we back to this love shit?
I’ll go get her and drag her ass back to the hotel, but tomorrow, she’s sitting down with me and we’re going to have a long talk.
“How much have you had to drink tonight, Willa?” I need to know what I’m walking into. Is she just drunk… or is she on something? My earlier fears of Willa taking drugs resurface.
