Page 106 of Off Script
"When the studio asked me if I would agree to an arranged relationship with you, I jumped at the chance. I thought, if given the right set of circumstances, you could feel the same way about me. It would be so easy to date you. You understand my world and the demands of my career better than any other guy I’ve dated, so I deluded myself into believing that fate was bringing us together. I felt like I was drowning, and I hoped that you were going to be my life preserver." The corner of her mouth quirks sadly. "But I didn’t realize that you were already seeing Carlisle.”
“Shit, Willa.” I don’t know how to respond. Willa’s confession of having feelings for me doesn’t surprise me, but the stark reality of her obvious depression does. “I’m sorry that I didn’t see your pain.”
“Don’t be. I didn’t want anyone to see my pain. I’d been masking it for so long. It’s not your fault.” I meet her eyes across the table. Hers are filled with tears, but she blinks them away quickly. “As the publicity tour went on, my feelings grew stronger even though I could see how much you missed Carlisle. It was so unhealthy and confusing to have you behave like you loved me whenever we were in public. I’dforget what a great actor you are, and I’d let myself believe the fairy tale was real between us. It felt so real. The embraces, the caresses, the shared looks… I was so happy when we were together in public, but so unhappy when the façade would come tumbling down behind closed doors, so I tried to avoid you.”
She sighs heavily. “Then in Berlin, things changed between us for the better. We started hanging out and having fun together. You said you didn’t want to talk about Carlisle, and you declined her calls when you were with me. So, stupidly, I got my hopes up. I thought that I was becoming more important to you than Carlisle.” Willa stops, her mouth twisting to one side. “The afternoon of the Tokyo premiere, I called Becky. We talked all the time. She knew all about my crush on you and she was always encouraging me. Like any good friend, she was my hype girl. As I got on the phone with her that day, hotel staff delivered a gift box to my room. Inside was lingerie that you sent me.”
My head rears back in confusion. “Lingerie? I didn’t send you lingerie.”
Willa winces and then nods. “This note accompanied the package.” She roots through her purse and tosses a card onto the coffee table.
Grabbing it, I read the typewritten note.
Counting down the hours until I can take these off you. You’re everything I never knew I wanted, but everything I need. You’re absolutely perfect for me.
I love you.
Ben
“The lingerie set was black and worked perfectly under the dress I wore that night for the premiere. The sizes were slightly off, but I just assumed that—"
“You assumed I’d picked them out for you to wear that night,” I finish for her.
My eyes bulge in horrification and disbelief. Intense feelings of self-loathing surge through my veins as I remember dictating very similar words for a card intended for Carlisle. It was supposed to be the first time I told Carlisle that I loved her.
I cradle my head in my hands. All this time I’ve been blaming Willa when it wasn’t her fault at all. It was mine. Now everything about our conversations that night make sense—thanking me for the gift, wanting to stay in to celebrate, saying that we were in love, her claim that I sent mixed signals.
“Shit.” Chagrined, I groan apologetically. “I asked my stylist to select some lingerie as a gift. My stylist must have assumed it was for you and sent to you instead of giving it to Jo to send to Carlisle.” I sink back into the couch, dumbfounded that I’d inadvertently led Willa on. With everything going on during the promo tour, I’d forgotten all about the lingerie. “I’m sorry, Willa. That was a colossal fuck up on my part, and I can understand how confusing that must have been.”
“It’s okay, Benji, but I want to explain everything that happened afterwards too.” Willa smiles ruefully. “I was on the phone with Becky when the lingerie was delivered, and I was so deliriously happy that I told her about your note and the lingerie. Becky was ecstatic and told me it was just as she had suspected all along—that you had fallen for me too. She suggested that I tell the world that we were in love in that stupid interview.”
Stunned, I interrupt Willa. “Wait. What? Why would Becky suggest that you tell a reporter that we were in love when Becky knew that Carlisle was my girlfriend?”
“I don’t know, but she’d been telling me the whole time that she thought we belonged together.” Willa lifts one shoulder in a half-hearted shrug. “When I read her the note that accompanied the lingerie, maybe Becky assumed what I did. That your feelings for Carlisle were waning and that your feelings towards me were growing. Or maybe it just made her life easier if she didn’t have to worry about the public finding out about Carlisle, so Becky wanted it to be true.”
Willa meets my eyes with a sad smile on her lips. “Anyway, after I publicly professed that we were in love, and you recoiled, I was hurt and confused. Upon reflection, it seemed obvious that I wasn’t the intended recipient of the lingerie—or your love note. All my elation came crashing down, leaving me disappointed and depressed. When Thad offered me those drugs that night at the club, I took them without a second thought. I needed an escape from my feelings, but I’m so sorry for everything that happened that night.”
Leaning forward, with my elbows on my knees, I issue my own apology. “Willa, I’m sorry too. I wanted to get our friendship back on track, but I didn’t realize that you would misconstrue my intentions. I’m sorry that I let you down and led you on.”
“Stop, Benji. It’s not your job to police my feelings. That’s all on me, but I wanted to tell you so that you understood that I didn’t set out to intentionally blow up your relationship.”
I shoot her a pained smile. “Thank you for telling me and explaining everything. I appreciate it.”
“It was the right thing to do. If only I’d been honest with you from the beginning, we could have navigated things differently.” She shrugs. “Maybe your relationship with Carlisle would have stayedintact. Same with our friendship too.” Willa pauses. “Becky said that Carlisle broke up with you. Have you worked things out with her?”
My shoulder slump. Since I opened Pandora's box and texted Carlisle, I've periodically tried calling and texting her, but all to no avail. “No, I haven’t spoken to her since Tokyo.”
“I’m sorry to hear that, Benji.”
“Me too, but I guess we weren’t meant to be.” I raise my head, brushing my hair from my forehead, and look at Willa critically. “How are you doing now, Willa? Really.”
“I’m okay. Better than I was doing. After everything went down in Tokyo, I bit the bullet and asked for help. I’m back in therapy and trying some meds. I’m still not healed, but I’m healthier and feeling better every day.”
“I’m glad, Willa. I want you to be happy.”
“Same, Benji.” Willa smiles forlornly and stands to leave. “One last thing. I wanted to let you know that I’ve had my publicist prepare a statement regarding our mutual breakup. Assuming that’s okay with you, she'll will issue the statement tomorrow.”
“Yes, that’s fine by me.” Inclining my head, I narrow my eyes. “But I can’t believe Becky agreed to that. She’s been pushing the narrative that we’re still together. I haven’t fought her on it because without Carlisle, there’s no need for me to be single.”
