Page 96 of Every Now and Then
Or soonish. Ever since I decided to tell him, I’ve been avoiding him a little. It isn’t fair to Hayes, and it’s immature on my part, but I’m just dreading the conversation. That period of my life… it was awful and tragic and traumatic. I have so much else going on right now that it's easy enough to push it from my mind, but then when I get a call from Hayes, the nerves reappear. My hands grow clammy, my heart beats faster, and I just internally freak out.
“He’s still traveling, doing press for the new album, so it’ll have to wait until he gets back in town. But, ugh… I don’t know how to tell him. It isn’t exactly an easy conversation to have, you know?”
“Have you talked to your therapist about it?”
I laugh mirthlessly. “Ad nauseam. My poor therapist is probably sick of the topic. It's the only thing we discussed at this week's session.”
It wasn’t a straightforward decision. In the early stages of my relationship with Hayes, I wavered and waffled. Should I tell him the truth? Or should I continue honoring Kyle’s request for secrecy?
It felt like a no-win situation. Choosing one meant sacrificing the other.
But with my therapist’s help, I came to see that protecting Kyle was costing me a lot. I was stuck carrying a burden, and honestly, it was a burden thatnevershould have belonged to me. I had to prioritize myself and my future, and I couldn’t continue to allow Kyle to control my life from the grave.
And after Hayes told me he loved me at the ranch over Christmas, everything crystallized. If we were to have any chance at a real future, Ineeded to tell him the truth. I won’t keep putting Kyle’s wishes ahead of my own, especially not if it jeopardizes what I have with Hayes.
I just haven’t found the right moment to tell Hayes yet. While he’s been traveling for work, it’s been easy to put off the task because it’s a conversation that needs to happen in person. But he’s due home in two days, and the thought of saying the words out loud makes my stomach twist with dread.
“Since you pay your therapist good money to listen to you, don’t feel too bad about it,” Laura teases with a smile before her smile slips. “But if you’re going to move in with him, you need to tell him, Anna.”
“I haven’t decided for sure that I’m going to move into Hayes’ condo. It’s just one of many options I’m considering.”
“One of many?” Laura smirks. “Keep telling yourself that, babe.”
Just to spite her, I make a mental note to talk to Dave about looking at his house.
“Hayes!” My startled eyes widen. “What are you doing here? You’re supposed to be in New York until tonight!”
It was early in the morning, and I'd just poured my first cup of coffee when the doorbell rang. I figured it was just an Amazon delivery or something equally mundane. What I didn’t expect was to open the door and find my jet-lagged boyfriend standing there, grinning like a fool in love.
“I’m right where I’m supposed to be, Yankee.”
When I hear those words, something inside me settles. My anxious thoughts, my feelings of dread, while still present, stop swirling in my stomach.
He drops his bag at my feet and pulls me into his welcoming arms. He clasps the back of my head, holding me to him. “I rearranged things so I could fly back early. I missed you too damn much to stay away any longer.”
I fall into his arms, closing my eyes, breathing him in. “Hayes, you did that for me?”
Smoothing my hair back, he cradles my cheek in his rough palm. “Of course, I did. I could tell how stressed you were with the looming deadline for the move.”
“You didn’t need to do that, but… I’m glad you did,” I grin, ecstatic to see him. He’s not the only fool in love. Pushing onto my tiptoes, I brush my lips with his. “Thank you.”
“Always, baby. Where are the girls? They have school today, right?”
“Yeah. They’re upstairs getting ready.”
“Put me to work. Can I make breakfast or get their backpacks packed or something?”
“I’ve taken care of that already.”
“Do they need their hair braided?”
I smile again. “Maybe. We’ll see, Hairdresser Hayes.”
“We’ve talked about this, Yankee."
“Oh, that’s right, you prefer Bambi,” I reply, a hint of a giddy smile on my lips. I just can’t contain my smile when Hayes is around. “Or Kitten.”
We hear the chatter of the girls’ high-pitched voices as they run down the stairs wearing their uniforms. Claire shrieks happily when she sees Hayes, but Grace plays it a little cooler than her enthusiastic little sister.
