Page 192 of Life and Death
Bonnie looked away after a few seconds. She said something to Jules. They continued out to their car.
The Cullens left after the Blacks. The line dwindled, and finally my parents were free. Phil took my mom away quickly; the reverend gave them a ride. Charlie stayed alone while the funeral home employees filled the hole in. He didn’t watch. He sat in the chair that my mom had used and stared away to the north.
I felt my face working, trying to find the expression that went with my grief. My eyes were too dry; I blinked against the uncomfortable feeling. When I took my next breath, the air hitched out of my throat, like I was choking on it.
Edythe’s arms wrapped tight around my waist. I buried my face in her hair.
“I’m so sorry, Beau. I never wanted this for you.”
I just nodded.
We sat like that for a long time.
She nudged me when Charlie left, so I could watch him drive away.
“Do you want to go home?” she asked.
“Maybe in a little while.”
“All right.”
We stared at the mostly empty cemetery. It was starting to get darker. A few employees were cleaning up chairs and trash. One of them took away the big picture of me—my school picture from the beginning of junior year, back in Phoenix. I’d never liked that one much. I hardly recognized the boy with the uncertain blue eyes and the halfhearted smile. It was difficult to remember being him. Hard to imagine how he must have looked to Edythe, back in the beginning.
“You never wanted this for me,” I said slowly. “What did you want? How did you see things happening—going with the fact that I was always going to be in love with you?”
She sighed. “Best-case scenario? I hoped that . . . I would get strong enough that we could be together while you were human. That we could be . . . something more than just boyfriend and girlfriend. Someday, if you didn’t outgrow me, more than just husband and wife. We wouldn’t be able to grow old together, but I would have stayed with you while you grew old. I would have been with you through all the years of your life.” She paused for a second. “And then, when your life was over . . . I wouldn’t have wanted to stay without you. I would have found a way to follow.”
She looked startled when I laughed. It wasn’t a very robust laugh, but I was surprised that it felt good.
“That was a really, really horrible idea,” I told her. “Can you imagine? When people thought I was your dad? Yourgranddad? I’d probably get locked up.”
She smiled hesitantly. “That wouldn’t have bothered me. And if anyone had locked you up, I would have busted you out.”
“But you would have married me?” I asked. “Really?”
Now she smiled wider. “I still will. Archie’s seen it.”
I blinked a few times. “Wow. I’m . . . super flattered. You would really marryme, Edythe?”
“Is that a proposal?”
I thought for half a second. “Sure. Sure it is. Will you?”
She threw her arms around me. “Of course I will. Whenever you want.”
“Wow,” I said again. I hugged her back, and kissed the top of her head. “I think I could have done better with the other version, though.”
She leaned back to look at me, and her face was sad again. “Any other way ended here, too.”
“But there could have been . . . a better goodbye.” I didn’t want to think about what my last words to Charlie were, but they were constantly on my mind. It was the biggest regret I had. I was glad the memory wasn’t sharp, and I only hoped it would fade more with time. “What if wehadgotten married? You know, graduated together, put in a few years at college, then had a great big wedding where we invited everyone we knew? Let them all see us happy together. Give really sappy speeches—have a reason to tell everyone how much we love them. Then go away again, back to school somewhere far away. . . .”
She sighed. “That sounds nice. But you end up with a double funeral in the end.”
“Maybe. Maybe we’d be really busy for a year, and when I’m a mature vampire and all under control, I could see them again. . . .”
“Riiiight,” she said, rolling her eyes. “And then all we have to worry about is never aging . . . and getting on the bad side of the Volturi. . . . I’m surethatwould end well.”
“Okay, okay, you’re right. There’s no other version.”
