Page 29 of Life and Death
Suddenly I could feel all their eyes boring into my back. For once, it didn’t bother me at all.
“They’ll survive.”
She grinned. “I may not give you back, though.”
I swallowed too loud and she laughed.
“You look worried,” she said.
“No.” I stopped to swallow again, hearing the edge of a break in my voice. “But surprised, yes. What’s this all about?” I gestured toward her and the rest of the empty table.
“I told you—I’m tired of trying to stay away from you. So I’m giving up.” The smile was fading, and her eyes were serious by the end.
“Giving up?” I repeated.
“Yes—giving up trying to be good. I’m just going to do what I want now, and let the chips fall where they may.” The smile disappeared completely, and a hard edge crept into her silky voice.
“You lost me again.”
It looked like she found that funny. “I always say too much when I’m talking to you—that’s one of the problems.”
“Don’t worry—I don’t understand anything you say.”
“Like I said—I’m counting on that.”
We stared at each other for a few seconds, but the quiet wasn’t awkward this time. It was more . . . charged. My face started to get hot again.
“So,” I said, looking away so that I could catch my breath. “In plain English, are we friends now?”
“Friends . . . ,” she murmured. She sounded like it wasn’t her favorite word.
“Or not,” I offered.
“Well, we can try, I suppose. But I’m warning you again that I’m not a good friend for you to have.” Her smile was brittle now, the warning real.
“You say that a lot.” Funny how my stomach was rolling. Was it because I was hungry after all? Because she was smiling at me? Or because I suddenly almost believed her? I could tell thatshebelieved what she was saying.
“I do, because you’re not listening. I’m still waiting for you to hear me. If you’re smart, you’ll avoid me.”
Then I had to smile, and I watched as her smile automatically got bigger in response. “I thought we’d already come to the conclusion that I’m an idiot. Or absurd, or whatever.”
“I did apologize—for the second one, at least. Will you forgive me for the first? I spoke without thinking.”
“Yeah, of course. You don’t have to apologize to me.”
She sighed. “Don’t I?”
I didn’t know how to answer—it sounded like a rhetorical question anyway. I stared down at my hands wrapped around the lemonade bottle, not sure what to do. It was so strange to sit with her here—like normal people. I was sure only one of us was normal.
“What are you thinking?” she asked.
I looked up. She was staring again, her gold eyes curious and—like the first time I’d seen her—frustrated. Once again, my thoughts refused to pass through the appropriate filter.
“I’m wondering what you are.”
Her smile tightened, like her teeth were suddenly clamped together, but she held it carefully in place.
“Are you having much luck with that?” Her voice was casual, like she didn’t really care about my answer.
