Page 4 of Song of the Dawn
My legs gave out,and I dropped to the chair behind me. Lifting the letter, I read the words again and again until my throat ached and my nose tingled as a sort of euphoria came over me. I squeezed my hands together, wanting to laugh and cry at the same time. I was leaving the city to pursue my dream.
And then it happened. A whiff of citrus came to my nostrils, and I inhaled, sharply reminded of the golden-haired man. Blue. Gold. Was he a messenger from the Dawn? Had he watched my performance last night? A devilish whisper tickled my ear, and my heart skipped at the thought of meeting him again. Folding the letter, I decided to wait until Aveline arrived to break the news to her and Mother.
* * *
She came the next morning,a breezy May day, before the warmth of the sunlight would become unbearable. I eagerly watched from the balcony as the stagecoach pulled up, then I rushed down the four flights of stairs to meet her. By the time I arrived, the horses were stamping in the street, eager to be off again, and Aveline’s bags were stacked in front of the building.
A grin lit up the features of her oval face, rounder than when I’d seen her last. Glossy black hair was braided around the crown of her head, and she wore a simple blue gown, her traveling dress. She held out her free arm, the other holding her six-month-old son, Luc. Warmth filled me, along with a familiar pang. I’d missed her.
“Aveline,” I breathed, hugging her tight while Luc stared at me, his dark eyes round with curiosity.
“Mila.” She squeezed me in return, my older, protective sister. She smelled like lavender.
When she pulled away, her dark-brown eyes were misty. “Look at you”—she touched my hair—“still wild and beautiful, sister. The purple looks good on you.”
“Being a mother looks good on you,” I laughed, lifting a finger to stroke Luc’s arm. For a moment, he simply stared before his chubby cheeks curved up in a smile.
“Oh, he likes you. Little flirt,” Aveline teased.
“I’m sorry Mother and I weren’t there for his birth,” I said, a tinge of regret pinching my heart. He was so precious it made me ache to hold him. When I was around children, I yearned to squeeze them tight and kiss them, to have someone to love and protect. It was the mothering nature within me, and it tugged at me until, unable to resist, I took Luc in my arms. His eyes widened in alarm before he settled, sensing his mother trusted me and would stay close by.
“Don’t be sorry,” Aveline scolded as she lifted the bags. “I had plenty of help. Come on, I’m eager to see Mother.”
Mother was waiting for us at the table, her foot propped up on a chair.
The lines of pain on her face disappeared as Aveline strode toward her, arms wide open, and held her for a long time. I looked away, tears brimming while I bounced Luc on my hip. We were together again, the three of us, like it had been for so long when I was young. Aveline had invited us many times to move in with her, but Mother said Aveline and Tomas were newlyweds and family shouldn’t intrude. I, too, hadn’t been ready to leave Solynn, but in the blink of a moment, everything had changed.
“Oh, my sweet girl,” Mother murmured even though Aveline wasn’t a little girl anymore. “Come, let me see my grandson. And where is Tomas?”
“Tomas has business.” Aveline waved her hand. “Always has business. He’ll be here tomorrow, but I told him I wanted a day alone with the both of you.”
I wondered if she’d guessed I wouldn’t be going back with them.
Luc, who had been so happy so far, wailed, his perfect face wrinkling, his tiny lower lip sticking out in a pout.
“Oh, come here, little man,” Aveline cooed. “You’ve been so patient. Time to eat.”
Sitting across from Mother, she opened the top of her dress and pulled out her breasts, her nipples engorged and long. “I’ll never get used to feeding my son with my body,” she said once Luc was happily sucking away. “It makes me feel powerful and protective. I’m in awe of you, Mother, all you’ve done, with little help. Right now I can’t handle the thought of letting Luc out of my sight.”
“Bah.” Mother wagged her head to brush the compliment away, although she smiled. “He’ll grow, and then you’ll want your space. It won’t be so hard when the time comes.”
After retreating to the kitchen, I poured three glasses of water flavored with mint leaves, and added tomato sandwiches to a tray. “It’s teatime.” I grinned. “Minus the tea.”
Ever since yesterday, my spirits had been lighter, anxiety gone. My secret burned inside, waiting for the right moment to be revealed.
“Oh, my favorite refreshing drink.” Aveline took a sip and let out a happy sigh. “Thanks for that, Mila. Now tell me everything.”
By “everything,” I knew, she meant the gossip from Solynn, but first Mother explained her injury, claiming it wasn’t as serious as it sounded. By the time she finished, Luc was yawning, and Aveline excused herself to lay him down for a nap.
Mother and I waited quietly, swaying to Aveline’s soothing lullaby. An ache inside me grew, a longing to have someone to take care of, somewhere to belong. I blamed it on the cusp of change, making me want things I couldn’t have. Aveline, tall and lovely, had been lucky enough to catch the eye of Tomas, a businessman from the country. They were neither rich nor poor, but Aveline claimed she was content, and from her letters, it sounded as though she had everything she needed.
Tomas was kind, and I liked him, although he wasn’t the sort of man Aveline was usually attracted to. Had she settled for him because she’d been ready to escape the city, the oppressing heat, and the tiny flat? She’d always wanted a home full of children and plenty of space to run wild in open meadows. Was she sincerely happy with her choice? I’d seen the pride on her face when she’d fed Luc, but the way she’d waved her hand at the mention of Tomas suggested he was nothing more than background.
Mother always said love was different for everyone. Her affairs had been wild, violent, and passionate. And they’d all ended. When I was younger, I’d used to catch her crying while she mended our clothes. I’d assumed love was too much because it took and took and took until it left a shell.
I wasn’t sure if I wanted love, but I didn’t want to settle like my sister, and I didn’t want to give until it broke me like my mother.
Aveline returned, all proud and put together. Stopping by the kitchen, she refilled her glass of peppermint water, making herself at home with all the familiar places.
