Page 52 of Song of the Dawn
So she had made my choice for me, and suddenly I didn’t like that at all.
“Is that what you told the others?”
“About the demon?” She rolled her eyes. “No, of course not, but I’m very persuasive.”
I recalled how she’d handled the incident with the lady. “This isn’t the first time it has happened, is it?”
She straightened up, shaking her short black hair. “No, it isn’t. Nor will it be the last. It’s not pretty business, summoning demons and adhering to the wishes of a sorceress. I just want to know one thing. Do you love him?”
My nostrils flared. “How dare you ask me that,” I snapped. “Who is Ezra to you anyway? Why are you so loyal to him?”
“If you don’t love him, then go, be like the others, run when it gets hard. He’s doing this for you, you know, not that you should take responsibility for his actions. Just understand the weight of what is happening here. He decided to damn the world, to give the sorceress what she wanted, so he could give you what you desire most.”
Tears pricked at my eyes, but I kept my jaw hard. “And what do I want most? What do you know about it?”
“Him. You want a chance to live a life with him, or at least you did until you saw him for who he really is. The side of him he’s about to toss away for eternity. He was immortal, you know, powerful, godlike, until he fell from the sorceress’s grace. This is all he needs to do to gain his freedom from her, once and for all. She is dangerous, devious, but she keeps her word. And so does Ezra. That’s why I follow him. He saved my life, and I elected to serve him for the rest of mine. And I don’t break my vows.”
There. The truth of it was that she’d known him from before. I stared… Ginger didn’t have a problem with who Ezra was. That was love, the power to see beyond the darkness to potential. Suddenly I felt scolded for my reaction, although it was only human.
“Why are you here?” I whispered. “Why are you telling me this?”
Ginger’s mouth tightened. “Because he loves you. I disapproved and gave him my opinion, but he pressed on, cautiously, carefully, because he’s in love with you. And what he needs from you is hope before he fights this fight. A man without hope is a dying man, and you can give him that before he goes to hunt the demon.”
“What do you want me to say?” I squeaked.
“Say you’ll come back, or that you aren’t angry with him. Anything, however small it is, will help. It is up to you though, but if you change your mind before you go, he’s in his office.”
In the office where we’d had drinks on a blissful eve not so long ago. That had been my first glimpse into the man he was, and how appropriate for him to be there now. Ginger stood, frowning down at me. I sensed her displeasure even though she was trying to help Ezra, and an unfamiliar look crossed her eyes, a tired look.
Turning her back on me, she moved to the window. “I fell in love once, another time, another knight, when I was young, much too young to know what I had. He was pledged to another and promised to break that vow for me, said he didn’t need land and status to gain happiness. I sent him away because he would have a better life with that woman than with me. At that time, I was poor. I thought possessions would keep me happy, and indeed they are a safe choice but not the wisest choice. He married and died in battle a year later, fighting to keep his lands safe. I’ve always thought back to that moment and wondered if…if I’d accepted him, would he still be alive today? Would our paths be different because I’d chosen love instead of running from it?”
I leaned back on the bed, pressing my fingers against the bridge of my nose. She was telling me this to speak to my inner fears. What if I left? Would I be able to live with myself and the possibilities I’d abandoned? What if I stayed?
Ginger let out a sigh, and for the first time, her tone was almost gentle. “I’ve lived a long time, and I’ve discovered the point of life isn’t staying safe, or doing what’s expected, or being complacent. Where’s the fun in that? It’s about being bold, leaning into adventure, and taking risks, even if you might fail or fall, because that is the only way to experience the height and depth and breadth of life. One can never experience the highs of passion, love, happiness, and sorrow if one sticks to the guidelines and expectations passed down by family or jurisdiction. Your choices have consequences and significance that carry from this life into the next, even across worlds. I was a coward when the greatest, truest love came my way, and I regret that every day of my life. I’d rather live without regrets than carry the weight of this one with me.”
Clearing her throat, she spun around and strode to the door. “The carriage will be waiting this afternoon. Don’t be late.”
The door clicked shut behind her, and I stared, her words humming within me. But even more so were words that Aveline had spoken that had only hinted at love and regret. She had chosen safety over love, and I was about to do the same thing. I didn’t want to think about it, but the choice hemmed in on all sides.
Moving to the washroom, I ran water for a bath, undressing slowly. As I sank into the warm water, it was as if the imprints of his breath, his lips, his teeth were still on my skin. My legs were ready to open for him, my body already arching up to meet his warmth and hardness. As I sank beneath the waters of the bath, I knew what my body wanted, what my heart wanted. My head was the only part of me that disagreed.
Mila
Ibrushed my hair until it shone, staring at myself in the mirror, delaying the inevitable. My clothes were easy to pack for I wasn’t taking the glamorous dresses Namen had made. There would not be a need for them in the countryside, and it felt wrong to take them when I hadn’t paid for them. Leaving the packed bag by my bed, I took a trembling breath and made my way upstairs.
The inn was hollow and haunted by the lack of guests. Wood creaked under my footsteps as I climbed to the top floor and walked out into sunshine. The paintings still hung, breathtaking and magnificent, and the light from outside made it feel as if nothing was wrong at all. The doors to the library stood open, and I paused in the doorway, staring at the stacks of books, the plush chairs, and the velvet carpet. No one would disturb it for a long time. What a shame to close the doors on a wealth of knowledge.
My feet carried me to the end of the hall, where the door to Ezra’s office loomed, tightly shut. One last obstacle between him and me. My heart raced as I knocked on the door. If he didn’t answer or wasn’t there, my decision would be made for me. I’d leave the Dawn and its blighted halls, cursing the day I’d agreed to work at such an illustrious place. I was a dreamer, and for all the pains I’d taken, my dreams had still turned to nightmares.
“Come in,” Ezra called, sealing my doom.
Heart in my throat, I opened the door. He sat at the desk, head bent over a task, writing quickly. The doors to the balcony were open, letting in the fall air, although a fire crackled on the hearth. I stared at Ezra’s golden hair, the slope of his shoulder, his firm jawline, and the sure and steady stroke of his hand as he wrote. When he finished, he lifted his head, and his eyes widened. He hadn’t been expecting me.
“Mila,” he gasped and stood up so quickly the pot of ink fell over, marring his work. He didn’t so much as notice, only stared at me, a look of misery and expectation covering his face. “I thought you were gone.”
All the words I’d wanted to say left my mind, and a lump swelled in my throat. Tears burned at my eyes as I shook my head, and then, as if under a spell, I ran to him. He moved in an instant and caught me, pressing me against him, his lips burning like a brand. Our embrace was desperate, our kisses filled with fire and passion. A tear slipped down my cheek as his mouth moved in sync with mine. I opened my lips, and his tongue thrust in, quick and demanding. I moaned, pressing myself against him, clutching at him to save me.
His fingers tangled in my hair, and his other hand squeezed my bottom. A strangled moan came from his throat as he steered me to the couch in front of the fire. He lay me down on it, gently, carefully, hovering over me, his lips never leaving mine. I kissed. I bit. Holding on to his shirt, I both needed him and was still furious that he’d obscured the truth to protect me. My fingers wrapped around his shirt, pulling him securely to me while I spread my legs, wanting him to take me, to claim me, again and again. I moved under him, squirming until we rolled and fell with a thump on the ground. Ezra was beneath me.
