Page 49 of Tastes Like Watermelon Moonshine
“Raegan Marie.” Chrissy hisses. I finally turn around and climb into the truck. “You’ve been kissing like the world is gonna end.”
I buckle my seat belt, and look at her, my eyes wide.
“I didn’t want to stop.” I whisper. “What is wrong with me?”
“There’s nothing wrong with you.” Jaimie reaches behind Chrissy and squeezes my shoulder reassuringly. She’s always been more even keeled than Chrissy. “This is normal. It’s natural. God wants people married and having kids, and well...you kinda need to be kissing to um… get to the having kids part.” Her cheeks flush in the dim light of the truck’s cabin light. “I hope I’m not overstepping, and getting too personal.”
“We’re a part of Raegan’s ‘do it God’s way’ team, so I think it’s right for us to talk to her about this.” Chrissy’s voice is a little clipped. She’s mad at me. Is it maybe jealousy, because she wants what I have with Carson, or genuine concern? “And that’s why we’re both saying something. You need to cut back on the eye babies, or there’ll be a real baby before you know it.”
There’s the genuine Chrissy. She doesn’t mince words. She’s always direct and serious if she has to confront someone. Her care and concern are genuine. Her confrontation is always about being a better person, being who God made us to be.
Jaimie pulls out and we speed down the gravel drive.
“I know it’s right for y’all to bring these things up. It’s what I need to talk to my mom about tonight. Something happened while we danced, and I just…”
Do I admit to them how far my feelings for Austin have gone? Admit that I’m experiencing desires that I don’t know how to battle? And at times I want to give in, I don’t want to fight against those feelings.
“I want more than kisses all of a sudden.” I whisper, my face cupped in my hands. “Y’all. What is happening to me?” A groan escapes my lungs.
“It’s like Jaimie said. It’s natural. It’s definitely something to talk about with your mom. She knows way more than us, has more experience.” Chrissy wraps an arm around my shoulders as we jostle down the road. “Trust what your mom tells you. And pray for strength to be strong and do it God’s way. You know Jaimie and I are praying right along with you.”
Jaimie affirms Chrissy’s words and we drive on in silence for a bit.
Jaimie stops the truck by my parent’s front porch. Lights shine in the front windows where I know Mom is waiting. I give both girls a hug and they promise to pray for me as I slip from Jaimie’s truck.
My tired feet yell in delight as I slip off my borrowed shoes and bolt the front door behind me. I find my mom in the living room, reading a book. Right where I knew she’d be. “Hey, Mom. Thanks for waiting up for me.” I curl up on the sofa next to her, my head in her lap. “I’m glad it’s just you waiting up. I wanted to talk.”
“I’m always ready to talk.” Mom strokes her fingers over my hair. “So, what did you want to talk about?”
I blow out a sigh.
“I danced with Austin tonight.” I whisper. “‘Watermelon Moonshine’was the first song. We just kind of swayed together, nothing crazy.” I wave a hand in the air, replaying the evening in my mind. I can still smell the bonfire and hear it crackling, along with the music of that second song we danced to. “Another song came on.” I gulp as the emotions swarm around me. “And it… It just made me want more.” I choke on the words. “I wanted more kisses. I wanted more thanjustkisses.” I cover my face with my hands. “We’ve been kissing a lot, Mom. Like, we got to the bonfire, and sat in the truck kissing, for, I don’t know how long. And my hand ended up on his thigh. I moved it once I realized...”
Mom just keeps stroking my hair. Not saying anything. Making me feel heard, loved, cared for, not judged. “We stopped... But I feel like it’s going to get harder and harder not to let things go too far. I know we have our boundaries, and that time in the truck was only a few minutes... But then when we were dancing, we were surrounded by people. But my body was…” My cheeks heat. “like, on fire. And I wanted more. I wanted to… explore.” I shake my head. “I feel like I’m a bad person for having those desires.”
I lay there, silence covering us, Mom still running her fingers through my hair.
“Well, you know the discussions we’ve had. Those feelings are good. God allows humans to have those feelings for a reason. If sex wasn’t enjoyable the human race might disappear.” She giggles, and I know it’s not from embarrassment. “Those feelings,” Mom sighs wistfully, “are so good. So right.Insidemarriage. The fact that you’ve recognized those feelings is the first step. Now you work on sticking to your boundaries, so that you can stop before those feelings show up... Because once they show up it’s not long before you let them take control. And, well, once they take control... Along come little Raegans.”
I can’t help but giggle at her comment. “As much as I’d love little Raegansand Austins, I know that waiting till marriage is God’s plan. And it’s for the best to do it that way.” I sit up, grabbing a throw pillow and tucking it against my stomach. “I probably need to not have any alone time with Austin. Go back to always having a friend with us. Even though I want that alone time.” I smile up at her, tears resting on my eyelashes. “But, I’m committed to doing things God’s way.”
Mom pulls me tight against her. “I’m so blessed to have you as my daughter, to have God as my Savior, and Matt as my husband.” At the mention of my dad her voice gets dreamy. “Speaking of which, he’s waiting in bed for me.” She waggles her brows at me as she gets up and starts turning out the living room lights.
“Mom,” I draw the word out. I’m secretly proud of my parents' relationship. I’m truly blessed to have the parents that I do. I have amazing parents and a loving Savior, and I know that even if I do mess things up, God will forgive me and still love me.
I give Mom a quick kiss on the cheek and head up to my bed.
Chapter 22
Raegan - The Present
Howismysixmonth old baby this heavy? Eighteen whopping pounds. At the rate she’s growing I’m fairly certain she’ll have her dad’s height and his solid build. Not that I’m not solid, but Austin is definitely more solid than I am. Well, I’m assuming, based on the most recent pictures I’ve seen of him.
Most days I wear Grace in a carrier, strapped to my chest. It’s easier for work, and if I have to, I can breastfeed her in the carrier as well. Don’t worry, I made sure it was the right size for her, and that it holds her hips just right as well.
If I’m not holding her, she’s trying to crawl everywhere. I feel like it’s early for a six month old, but since she’s mastered sitting up already, our family doctor says she’s right on track. She’s been getting fussier in the carrier, so I know my days of wearing her all day long won’t last much longer.
I press my nose against her head and inhale, before laying a gentle kiss to her dark haired head. I could inhale that sweetbaby scent forever. The top of her head is sweet and warm, but her neck… Her neck is where the good smells are.
