Page 66 of Tastes Like Watermelon Moonshine
The tired lines on Coach’s face are more pronounced now. His smile isn’t as big, and his eyes don’t sparkle like they used to. Rosa’s battle with cancer, and her death has really taken its toll on him. Coach’s eyes light up once he notices Grace in my arms. Her head is tucked into my neck and I don’t want her to ever move or grow up.
“There’s little Gracey girl.” Coach chucks a finger under her chin and she gives him a giggle in response. His eyes flit back and forth between Raegan and me. “I’ve been waiting for the day that I’d see all of you together here… And to sit down with you, young man.” He lays a hand on my shoulder. It’s both comforting and intimidating. He was there when I brought up my feelings for Raegan. When we decided on boundaries for our relationship. And now he knows how badly I failed.
I nod. I don’t exactly know what to say. I feel awkward, standing in front of Coach, holding my child and being unmarried. I need to remember that God is always there, always willing to pick me up, no matter how many times I fall.
“Well, we can talk here, or we can talk at my place. Or at a ball field. Wherever you want. But we’re talking.” Coach squeezes my shoulder and gives me a serious look. There’s no way Coach will let me leave town without talking. My stomach twists. Will Coach give me the reprimand of a lifetime? No, he’s not like that. He’s not going to judge me and tear me apart, but he's certain to have some words that will hit deep.
I bounce my eyes between Raegan and Coach. I’ll let Raegan decide. I’m here to spend as much time as possible with her and Grace before I’m forced to stay in Frisco for baseball season.
Raegan reaches for Grace, who scrunches up her nose, then grabs my hair.
“No.” She gives Raegan an evil look, and the word is so clear in her little baby voice. I want to laugh, because it really is cute. But her little fist in my hair hurts. I tilt my head so that it follows her fist.
“Grace Aurora,” Raegan chastises. “Daddy can’t hold you all day long. He’s got friends to talk to.”
Grace pulls my hair even harder. “No.” She says again, this time more emphatically. Oh man, we’ve got our hands full. She turns her little puppy dog eyes on me and I have to mash my lips together to stop myself from smiling. Her brows rise, and I cough to keep a laugh at bay. Her hands move to my cheeks and she presses her mouth to my cheek and gives me the wettest raspberry I’ve ever received in my life.
Raegan laughs, moving in closer, and her shoulder bumps my chest. She gently extracts Grace from my arms and pops her onto her hip before reaching up and using her hand to wipe the slobber off my cheek.
Time pauses as her soft skin moves across the light stubble on my cheek. My eyes find hers, then move to her lips. Heat jumps from my chest up into my cheeks, and I look at Grace instead. Now isn’t the time for kissing thoughts. In front of me is a prime example of what happens when someone thinks about kissing way too much.
“You and Coach are welcome to hang out here and chat. I’ll be putting Grace down for her nap soon and cleaning up.” She smooths a hand over Grace’s head and kisses her. “Don’t forget dinner at my parents’ place tonight.”
How could I forget? I’ve seen them in passing, but haven’t had a meal with them yet. I’m nervous to actually sit down with them, especially Raegan's dad. My fingers twitch and I want to run them through my hair to ease the anxiety. I breathe deep through my nose, willing myself to relax. I focus on the truthsthat Josh helped me to understand.Life can be messy, but God is always there, willing to pick you, willing to forgive you.
“If I can have a warmed cookie and a hot cup of coffee, I’m good with staying here.” Coach interjects, pulling me back to reality, and the conversation I need to prepare myself for.
“You sure that’s fine, Rae? I don’t want to interrupt.” I look to her for reassurance.
Raegan's eyes are warm and gentle as she assures me that it’s fine. “Sophie will run everything while I get Grace down for her nap, then I’ll be down to clean up and close up. Y’all take all the time you need.”
I give her a nervous smile and agree. I lean in and give Grace a quick kiss. “Have a good nap, baby girl.” She grins at me and the tightness in my chest eases just a bit.
“Alright, let's get some coffee and a cookie, for me at least.” Coach pats my back, “Do you need a cookie? My favorites are the cream cheese ones.”
I don’t want to make myself sick, eating this sugar on a nervous stomach, but I don’t want to seem rude, so I accept one cookie. Coach points to a table near the front window, “Let’s sit there.”
We sit down and I rub my palms on my jeans, watching the steam from my coffee rise. “So, how’ve you been?” I shake my head. The man just lost his wife, he’s not going to be okay. “That’s probably a dumb question. I’m sure things have been hard.”
A smile tips the side of Coach’s mouth. “God’s been giving me the strength that I need.” A tear glistens on the edge of his eye. “That was Rosa’s phrase while she fought against the cancer. Now it’s mine.” He bites into his cookie. “I miss her. My world isn’t the same without her. The house is empty-” a tear rolls down his cheek, “but, I’ve still got God. He’ll never leave me or forsake me. So, how are things between you and Raegan?”
“Well, we’re talking,” I laugh as I lift my shoulders. “But we haven’t really talked about where this will go. It’s all been a bit of a blur since I came back.” I look toward the back room, wondering when Raegan will be back down. “I know that I want to date her and marry her eventually.”
“Do you want to date and marry to try to make up for having a child before marriage? Or are you wanting to marry her because you love her and want to spend the rest of your life with her?” Coach holds up his hand. “You don’t have to marry to make up for having a child outside of marriage. Christ’s blood on the cross covered that sin. Don’t get me wrong, a child needs a mother and a father. But marriage isn’t for the children. Marriage is for the husband and the wife. Whether you’re married to Raegan or someone else, Grace will have a part in that relationship. But don’t marry just for Grace, marry for you.”
“I can’t change the past. And just because we marry…” I look out the window. “It won’t make everything right. It’s not the answer to the problem. Not that there is a problem.” I shake my head and turn back to Coach. “Even if Raegan hadn’t gotten pregnant I still would’ve wanted to get back together with her. I’m certain she’s the one. I just wish I hadn’t messed it all up.”
“Do you think getting drafted impacted your self control that night, or were y’all on the trajectory for it to happen anyway?” Coach scratches his chin, one eyebrow raised as he waits for me to answer.
“You know, I think it still would’ve happened.” I don’t go into detail, but I’m certain he gets the picture that we have chemistry, we like each other. And when you’re dating someone you’re attracted to… Well, it’s hard not to get physical. I tap my fingers on the table. “God controls everything, right?”
Coach nods. “Everyone, everything on earth is here for a reason. God can take anything and make it good. So, even though there’s pain, and there’s shame, there’s a cute little girl,and her name is a display of what God can do.” A slow smile blossoms on Coach’s face. “It still amazes me that God uses the painful times for a reason, to grow us and glorify himself.” He leans forward, placing a hand over mine. “We’re both learning that lesson. That even through the pain, He is good.”
I lift one side of my mouth in a half smile. “I just wish it didn’t hurt to learn those lessons. Or that we could justknowthat He’s good without those lessons.”
Coach laughs, “if only life were that simple. But our God is beyond what we can understand, so it won’t ever be that simple.”
“True, Coach. True.”
