Page 42 of Heart of the Wren
“No, I know you didn’t. I didn’t like it either. I’m not like that, not usually. Jaysus, I sound awful. I’m not blaming you for how I reacted, I swear. I’m entirely to blame for how I acted. I’m…” I paused, trying to find the words. “I spend most of my time alone. Sometimes, I can go for weeks without talking to another person so I think… I think maybe my manners have gotten a bit broken. No, not my manners. My… ability to talk to people. To cope with the emotions it brings.” I spread my legs wide and clamped my hands on my knees, squeezing them tightly.
“You made me feel awfully small,” Lorcan said. “It brought me back to being shouted at by teachers in school. Made my stomach churn.”
I exhaled as if I’d been punched. “Ah, no. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you feel…” I wiped my face. “I like you, Lorcan. A lot. And I’m not used to feeling this way about anyone. I didn’t know how to handle it properly.”
Lorcan kept picking at the fluff. “I like you too.” He tapped his leg. “You make friends so easily. Why are you still living in your van? Why haven’t you ever settled anywhere?”
I wanted to leave. To run away from the conversation. “It's not what I’m meant to do. It’s not my path.”
Lorcan was having none of it. “Come on. You're telling me you don’t get any say in how you live your life? You’re entirely at the mercy of unseen magical forces?”
My smile faltered. “I can’t... I don’t...” I turned away while Lorcan sat and watched.
“Dara, please. Please. Tell me.”
My eyes started to sting. “I’m not strong enough to stay anywhere for too long, okay? Dad throwing me out was the single worst thing to ever happen to me. And I can’t go through it again. I can’t lose another home.” I held my hands open. “I just can’t.” I put my hands over my eyes for a moment to block out the world. “It’s my fault you were injured during the match. I cast a spell — a tiny, little spell — to stop those fellas on the other team from attacking Eddie. And it worked but remember what I told you about the rule? What we put out in the world, we get back threefold?”
“The cosmic dividend?”
“Right. Now, I had no malign intent but I think the forces attacking you perverted the dividend and used it to hurt you. What came back wasn’t the intent behind the spell but the spell itself. And instead of just tripping youup, it laid you out flat. I didn’t want you to know in case… in case you threw me out of your home. Out of your life. So I snapped at you. I shouted when I should have talked.”
“Is this what you do? Anytime someone gets too close, you start an argument so you can walk away?”
“It’s not as if I was planning to stay, in any case.” The lump in my throat wouldn’t budge. “I’m doing the best I can.”
“I know. I know.” He rubbed his eyes. “We all are. And I don’t blame you for the injury. There’s no permanent harm done, anyway.” He paused for a moment, gathering his thoughts. “I’m glad you like the decorations. I thought it might be nice to do the place up for my last Christmas in this house.”
“What?”
“I’m giving up the farm.”
It took a moment to sink in. “Hang on,” I said. “Why? Because of all this?” I held up the book. “We can fix this.”
“It’s not only this, though. I’ve been feeling this way since long before I dug up the feckin’ brooch. This is just the last straw. Standing on the shoulders of giants. That’s what I’ve been doing. My parents and grandparents did all the hard work, built this farm from nothing, and now I’m left with it all to look after. I’ve lived my whole life here. I don’t want to die here too. I don’t want to wake up every morning for the rest of life wondering what the next problem is going to be.
“You believe in signs, I’m guessing, yeah? Messages from beyond or what have you? Well they’re coming in thick and fast, as far as I can tell,and they’re all saying the same thing. The gas part is, if I could have sold the brooch, it would have solved a few problems but instead I have to leave it buried up in the feckin’ field.” He tapped the arm of the chair. “I’m stuck in the same pattern and I can’t do it anymore.”
Chapter 26
DARA
I CROUCHED next to Lorcan’s armchair. “Look, don’t give up your farm — your home — because of what’s happening now. For one thing, Clíona may be tied to you and not the land. She might be responsible for your injury during the match. Jon-Joe said his hurley acted of its own accord. And if she follows you away from the village, you’ll still have to deal with her on top of feeling guilty for giving up your family home.” My breathing grew quicker and I cleared my throat. “I can’t imagine the weight you feel on your shoulders but I… There was a time I would have given anything for what you have here. A home. A connection to the land. Roots. I’d hate to see you lose it all because of one mistake. And what would you do instead?”
“I reckon I could get enough for the farm to buy one of those new houses in the village. Or if not, somewhere close to Castleisland. I’ll get a job on Doyle’s farm. Or O’Leary’s. It’ll be work I know how to do and I won’t have any of the stress. Any of the responsibilities. I’ll sell the farm on. Hopefully some developer won’t buy it. It would kill me to see it levelled for a housing estate. Can’t you do some fortune telling for me?” he asked. “Read my cards or my palm? Tell me what I should do?”
“I could but if I’m honest, I’d rather not,” I said.
“Because if it’s bad you wouldn’t want to tell me.” He faced me, eyes damp. “It’s all too much. I don’t know if I can keep going.”
I put my hand to the side of Lorcan’s face and wiped a tear away with my thumb. “You’re stronger than you know. I see it in you. Trust a mad aul witch.”
He laughed and wiped his face. “Come on now, you’re not much older than me.”
I fixed him with a steely glare. “I’m older than the hill on which this farm stands. I’m older than all the rivers and lakes of Ireland. I came to these shores with theTuatha Dé Danann, I danced with the Morrígan, and I called Lugh brother.”
Lorcan sat back. “You’re joking.”
“Of course I am. Sure that’d be mad. I’m thirty-six. Now, we need to make a plan as to what we’re going to do to get this goddess off your back.”
