Page 116 of A Dagger of Ice and Intrigue
He cocked his head to the side, watching me closely.
“I don’t have anything to give back.” My throat wanted to seize, but I persisted. “Whatever dowry I had is back in Aquila. I have no throne for an alliance. I have no crown to wear on our wedding day. My Vegheara blood is the only valuable thing I have, but even that will take at least ten years to profit off of.”
Not even my power was in a state I could barter in.
From the Protectorate’s First Daughter, I’d become a beggar. A lonely, sad beggar, surviving on the goodwill of the Blood Brotherhood, of all Clans.
The gash inside me grew.
Not because ofthings–trinkets, silks, and golds could always be lost and made back again–but because the lack of them made me vulnerable in an arranged marriage negotiation.
Perhaps the Commander was right.
I truly was harmless.
The scrape of his chair had barely scratched my ears when he already stood next to me, that same fearsome shadow which had swooped through the clearing to save me. Only this time, his expression was softer. More cautious.
“Stop that,” he said slowly.
“Stop what?” I looked up at him, unsure.
“Trying to make yourself smaller.”
“I’m not–”
“You are. Terrible things have happened to you.” He clenched his jaw, gaze darkening as it sparked deep blue. “They have left scars and let you heal them alone. But those scars didn’t take away what was most important.”
“Most important?” A sick, hollow laugh burned up from my chest. “I have lost my father, my Clan, my throne, my title, my allies–”
“That is awful. I’m sorry for your loss.”
That unprompted, steady show of empathy didn’t penetrate the growing anger. “I am stuck in a frozen Blood Brotherhood realm being chided by the enemy I’m supposed to marry. I amweakandharmlessto you–”
A mighty frown marred his face. “You’re not harmless to me. You have no idea what power you could wield.”
What power?I wanted to scream.
“Nadya and Geryll already gave you up.” The edge in my voice slashed through the room. My own chair scraped the floor as I rose, furious and self-righteous. “You stand there telling me not to make myself small and you’re stabbing me with words when I turn my back–”
He closed his eyes and rolled his head, a frustrated hum vibrating in his strong chest. When he popped his eyes back open, they shimmered blue, a sea of calm. I didn’t know where the Commander’s well of patience sprung from, but I suddenly wanted a sip of it.
“I told them you are harmless to them because you would not harmthem,” he said. “They would never admit it, but they were afraid of the big, bad Huntress coming to stay in our fortress.”
“Hey, I can be big and bad whenever I want, thank you very much.”
A corner of his lips trembled, as if he was dangerously close to smiling. Smart man, he didn’t, because I was furious.
“You can, to your enemies. Nadya and Geryll are not among them. You didn’t even want to hurt Orion.”
The pain of that memory was too hard to bear. “It didn’t matter. He died anyway.”
“But not by your hand. That sharp tongue and your harsh glare can’t hide the fact that you are kind above everything else.”
Calling a Clan member kind was the equivalent of insulting five generations of their family. “Is that all you see when you look at me now? Weak? Fragile?”
“No.” His voice was even–too even. Like he could sense the storm being unleashed and wanted to remain standing. “For some godsdamned reason, it’s how you see yourself.”
He should have picked up a dagger and sunk it straight into my chest. It would have hurt less and exposed fewer of the soft spots I never wanted exposed. “Do you want me to stab you?”
