Page 209 of A Dagger of Ice and Intrigue
How he’d only wanted me for my body and now that he’d gotten a taste, he would slowly start to ignore me.
All of them ridiculous, but unstoppable, even as he’d showered me with sweet kisses and tugged me into his arms for sleep. Until he’d fallen asleep, I’d been able to pretend my thoughts weren’t galloping out of my reach.
I told myself I was only tired and that the dawn would bring back clarity.
But the longer I laid there, listening to his soft breaths against my back, the more my fear grew.
No sleep had visited me, only fretting.
Like a coward, I’d slipped out of his bed at the first light of dawn. Even in slumber, his hands had reached out for me, but I forced myself to ignore them.
I’d left him there, alone in the bed.
I was the absolute worst.
“Are you okay?” he whispered as he stopped in front of me, a concerned furrow to his brows.
Sylvester must’ve sensed the awkwardness, because he immediately flew away, not looking back. I wouldn’t want to face this tension either.
I nodded. Words were still lodged in my throat. Despite the whirlwind within me, my body still leaned toward Ryker, seeking his warmth.
His brows furrowed further. “Did I–did I do something last night?”
I hated what I heard in his voice–heartache
“No!” I said, louder than I meant to. The only thing that could make me ignore my own pain was someone else’s distress. It was the First Daughter way. “No, you were wonderful. You didn’t doanythingwrong.”
I was the problem.
“Then why does it feel like I did?” He muttered. His gaze swept over my face even as his right palm fisted, as if he wanted to reach out and touch my cheek, but settled on caressing me with his eyes. “You were gone when I woke up.”
“I’m sorry. I really am.” I gripped the book closer to my chest, like a shield. “I just…I’m scared.”
It was the closest I could get to explaining something I didn’t fully understand myself. Just that this sensation was familiar.
Like I’d been transported back into the awful week after I discovered Waden’s betrayal, only compounded with the numbness which had taken over me after Orion’s attack.
“Just give…give me a few hours,” I forced myself to say. “To get myself together. We’ll talk then, I promise.”
“I take promises seriously, Allie.”
And that was one of the things I liked about him. “I do, too. And Ipromise.”
Ryker opened his mouth, but swallowed whatever he had to say. Instead, he nodded grimly.
“Very well, take your time.” There was sorrow in his words, maybe even doubt, but he remained steadfast.
The air rushed out of my lungs in one relieved sigh. “Thank you.”
He nodded, once, before jerking his chin at the palaver book. “Taking a keepsake with you?”
“Dax promised he’ll reach out today.” I tightened my grip, the cover’s leather grooves digging into my skin, as if that would make me feel closer to him. “I need to be on alert.”
It was also worrisome Dax hadn’t reached out yet, but I told myself it was too early. Dax simply didn’t want to wake me up, it was all.
But even as I said it, my breath stuttered, strangled by the fear once more.
Until I got myself in check, today would be awful.
