Page 247 of A Dagger of Ice and Intrigue
“You know why I talk so much?” I asked, not looking at him. Geryll felt like the type to bloom when attention wasn’t on him.
He shook his head.
“Better out than in.” I shrugged. “Keeping too much inside only helps the dark thoughts fester.”
Silence fell upon us as I continued to patch up his wound. Ryker had sealed it, obvious from the pink around the edges, but that damn ash and the rickety journey back had opened it again.
“I shamed my family,” Geryll said so low, I almost didn’t hear him.
But there was no mistaking the tension in his body.
“Geryll,” I began to chastise.
“It’s true,” he said stubbornly. But this wasn’t the kind of stubbornness which helped one survive; it was the kind that could bring only misery. “I hid behind my shield and the Commander had to save me.”
“Nadya had to save me. You think I shamed my family because of it?”
He shook his head quickly. “It’s different.”
“Why?”
“Because it was an exception for you.” He blinked rapidly and I knew he was fighting back tears. “It’s the norm for me.”
I sat down on the bed, careful not to jostle him. “You didn’tshameanyone, get that thought out of your mind. Courage isn’t only found in steel and on the battlefield. You need to listen to your heart.”
“I don’t know how.”
“You can learn. You can find your own way, just like I did. I’m no warrior, not really. I prefer to battle with my wits, not my dagger and Iloveit. You don’t love fighting. It seems to be making you miserable.”
“It’s losing that’s making me miserable.”
“We all lose at one point. Several, actually. It’s unavoidable. What matters is what battles we pick to fight.” I patted his knee gently. I wasn’t good at this whole sage thing–that was one skill I didn’t inherit from my father, sadly–but I was trying. Awkwardly, but still. “And you didn’t lose. You’re alive.”
He shrugged, unconvinced.
“Don’t listen to anybody else, not even me, just yourself. Think about what you want.” I offered him a smile. “And look at it this way–you didn’t want to fight in that passage, did you?”
He hesitated for a moment, then shook his head.
“But you still did. That takes courage. I’ve seen warriors with a thousand battles won taken over by fear. This was your first real fight and you survived it.Thatis triumph.”
He shrugged again. “I guess.”
“We all need help sometimes,” I went on. “Don’t think any less of yourself because of it. Be happy you weren’t too prideful to ask for it. Nowthatis rare. It’s a lesson I only learned after coming here.”
His eyes finally met mine. “Really?”
“Absolutely. I was terrified people would think I was weak if I asked for help. And guess what happened after I started accepting it?”
“What?”
I leaned closer to him. “Nothing. I’m still the same, only happier. Itreallyhelps that Mrs. Thornbrew makes sure that I eat.”
Finally, a corner of his mouth ticked up. “She wouldn’t have let you leave the fortress without at least one bite.”
“No, she wouldn’t have. She’ll also have my head if I don’t let you rest.” I patted his knee once more and rose. “And Geryll?”
“Yes?” he asked hopefully.
