Page 112 of A Dagger of Ice and Intrigue
“How so?”
“I lost a year of giving him my attention, but he showed me who he was before I wasted more time. Besides–” Another shot, straight through the middle. “–he was hurt, too.”
My pride took great pleasure in hearing Waden’s tearful apologies and begging to forgive and forget his “mistake”. Dax had shown him out of Aquila, never to be welcomed again, and I’d burned all the letters he sent, unopened, to keep me warm during the rainy days.
“And I kept the ring.” Fuck him. “Then threw it in Marea Luminara.”
“At least you seem…fine now,” Geryll said. He was also a terrible liar.
I wasn’t. I was ashamed.
Not because of the whole cheating thing–that was Waden’s choice to bear until the end of his days, and I wouldnotallow it to taint my heart, no matter how many sleepless nights I had to endure because of it.
But because I hadn’t thought him capable of something like that. I’d basked in his smiles and kisses, actually thinking his world revolved around me, as he’d told me so many times.
He’d lied, and I trusted.
He’d tempted me, and I fell.
He’d molded himself into what I wanted, and I plucked him out of the hundreds of undeserving men who’d wanted the bragging rights that they’d convinced The Huntress to look theirway. Like my attention and affection were trophies to soothe their miserable egos.
The worst part was that I hadn’t learned my lesson and now I had the bruises around my neck to prove it.
They all said my mind was as quick as my tongue, but I’d been blind to Waden and Orion’s true natures and had suffered for it. Even Silas had surprised me, and I’d already thought so little of him.
But Waden…Waden had been my choice and I’d been so proud of it.
The pain had dulled, but along with it, so had I. Vulnerability had seemed so easy with him, the most natural thing in the world. Freely given, greedily received.
But in the sea of hurt I’d had to swim in since then, Waden was nothing but a drop. A selfish, arrogant, coward of a drop.
Yet he’d still splashed against my heart and made it more bitter.
Better to be alone and intimidating enough that nobody like him ever dared to look at me than to go through that ache again. At least then I could fool myself into thinking I had some semblance of control over things, because that openness was no longer possible for me.
The whole ordeal had also made me doubt my instincts. If someone I trusted so fully could break my heart so carelessly, how could I have faith inanyof my decisions?
I’d promised myself never again.
Then I’d done it. Again. And would have died if the Commander hadn’t rescued me.
“Sure,” I said instead. “It is what it is. I’m a difficult person to live with.”
At least that’s what everyone around me said. Too opinionated, too quick, too self-righteous, tootall, of all things. Whoever looked past the Vegheara pointed chin and tallforehead to see the scraps of beauty my mother had bestowed upon me had to deal with the intimidating tower that wasme.
Quick to speak, slow to cower, with my own compass guiding me.
A defective compass, unfortunately, as the past few weeks had proven.
“So?” Nadya asked. “Who cares?”
I did. I cared more than I could ever admit, even to myself.
“Being me and near me are both difficult. I have my own mind, which I’ve honed through too many sleepless nights and frantic days to give up my thoughts in favor of someone else’s. I will never be the kind of person who smiles and keeps her tongue to keep the peace.” I cocked another arrow, my arms shaking with pent-up anger. I loosed a breath, trying to balance myself and the bow. “I’ve been told I can get tiring.”
“That is one thing we can finally agree on.” A voice rumbled from behind.
I spun around, fingers loosened by the shock. The arrow flew from my bow, heading straight for the pair of sparkling eyes in the distance. Godsdamit.
