Page 54 of Brandishing Balance
Thenextcoupledayswere hard. I got up and helped Luke get ready for school, I made his breakfast and packed up his lunch box, and I walked out with him to the bus stop, but when he was gone, I would go back to my bedroom and cry.
I thought briefly about my job, but didn’t reach out. Nico said he had spoken to my boss, and I didn’t have to worry about it—so I didn’t. Nico was a fucking angel though. He gave me space when I asked for it, and cuddled me when I needed him to. We watched movies and binged TV when I needed to keep my mind off things, and I called my therapist daily.
Jenna called me every morning and evening, being almost as clinging as Nico, in her own big sisterly way.
In the evenings, I ate dinner with Luke and the guys—they rotated who cooked—and then helped Luke with his homework. He told me that he stopped going to football practice and I told him it was ok. He could figure out if it was something he wanted to do again when we both felt better.
I also signed Luke up for counseling. We had gone through a terrible ordeal, and though Luke didn’t know the full extent of what I went through, he still knew I was kidnapped and tortured by their enemy. Thankfully, Kara mentioned that one of the Ravager Knights old ladies was a therapist, so we were able to get Luke in with her; someone who was familiar with the club life and what had truly happened to me so she could help Luke the best way possible.
After he finished his homework, Luke spent his evenings in my room, watching TV with Nico and me.
Things with Marcos and Jason were strained and distant. I kept my walls up around them, not sure where we stood, and neither man seemed interested in trying to break though those walls. They mostly kept to themselves, while staying accessible by always being around. Once in a while I thought they tried to say something, but when I’d look over at them, they’d close their mouth and look away.
It drove me bat shit crazy… and made me want to keep my distance even more.
I snuggled into Nico’s chest, the movie Luke had picked was still playing, but it was some cartoon that I didn’t really care about. I was tired and content, and Nico was warm and comfy. The fact that he had taken to sleeping in my room was not lost on me. He had started on the floor, but I quickly put an end to that. Now it didn’t bother me to snuggle him with Luke around.I would explain to him my situation one day, but for now, Nico was my pillow, and that was that.
There was a knock at the door and I kept my eyes closed as whoever it was walked in. “Hey guys, I brought popcorn.” Marcos’s voice was low.
“Popcorn!” Luke cheered, oblivious to me pretending to sleep on the other side of the massive bed than him.
“Easy, dude. I think mom is sleeping,” Marcos said softly.
“Oh oops.” Luke sounded sheepish, and I almost felt bad, but I wasn’t bothered by it.
“Whatcha watchin?” Marcos asked.
“Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs,” Luke replied.
I listened to them go back and forth a couple more times before the bed dipped at the foot of the mattress, meaning Marcos must have sat down.
Nico hand rubbed circles into my hip and I mumble sleepily about school nights as I nuzzled into Nico’s chest. “He can finish the movie. It’ll be ok,” Nico whispered. He pressed a kiss to my forehead.
I honestly wasn’t worried; I would likely be asleep soon enough as it was. Sure enough, I must have dozed off because I startled awake to a pitch-black room. The fan was on, but there was not a light on in sight. “No. No, no, no!” My heart rate exploded in my chest, as my breathing becomes labored. Panic claws up my throat, and I thrash about as the sheets become tangled with my legs, tricking my mind into thinking I’m being restrained.
“Maya!” Marcos turned up the lamp on the nightstand, before he grabbed my arms and held me still. Getting in my face, he cupped my jaw and forced me to tilt my head back and look up into his warm chocolate eyes. “Maya, it’s me.” His voice was deep and husky, thick with sleep.
Still in the throes of panic, I gripped his arms painfully, digging my nails into his skin. “Marcos?” I asked, my voice cracking.
“Yeah, Mi Vida. It’s me. I’ve got you. You’re safe,” he said and pulled me into his arms.
The sobs that broke out of me hurt my chest and stomach, as I wrapped my arms around him and buried my face into his chest. My soul poured out in the sobs that tore out of me, and I clung to him harder. I hadn’t realized how much I needed him to hold me. Nico had been great, but my body, my soul was missing Marcos—and Jason—and badly I needed his arms around me.
“I’m so sorry, Maya. I’ve got you, you’re safe now. I promise, I won’t let anything happen to you,” Marcos murmured in my ear.
“What happened?” Nico asked from behind me, somewhere near the door.
“I don’t know. She woke up and started panicking,” Marcos said.
“Did you shut the light off?” Nico asked, his voice getting closer.
“Yeah, shit, I didn’t even think. I’m so sorry Maya,” Marcos said, rubbing my back.
“What’s going on?” Jason’s deep voice sent shivers down my spine.
“I shut the light off to sleep,” Marcos said.
“She’s afraid of the dark now,” Nico added softly.
