Page 32 of Keep Your Guard Up
I turned back to make some snarky comment in reply, but stopped short when genuine concern rippled across JJ’s face. He ran a hand over his head of dark curls, and wrinkles creased his forehead from his raised eyebrows.
I sighed, putting the lid back on the yoghurt. “I’m okay, man. Really,” I started. “I’m just figuring things out.”
He nodded. He lightly shrugged his shoulders, telling me he wouldn’t push me on the subject, and dug back into his own breakfast. “Next time you want to shave all of your hair off, at least wake me up so I can do the honours. I always saved you from those stupid eyebrow and hair shaving pranks when we were younger.”
~
After dumping my duffle on my desk, I quickly rolled the curtains down to block out all of the goddamn wandering eyes.
“I told you all of the old birds would be disappointed,” JJ said, flopping on the couch next to Mari’s desk.
It was true. Marilyn was running some sort of morning tea for some of the oldies in town, and they’d all but gasped when I’d stopped in at the kitchen to use the fridge.
“Well, your new ’do looks lovely, dear,”she’d said.
Though I definitely hadn’t missed her analysing gaze, as if she could see straight through me. Something told me it was impossible to lie to the woman.
“Hate to disappoint the fans,” I replied, pulling the book out of my bag along with my keys to unlock the filing cabinet. My chest cramped as I forced steady breaths through it, hunkering down on the inevitable internal shake.
In.
Out.
In.
Out.
It’s a fucking filing cabinet.
In.
Out.
“You lose your key?” JJ asked, the faintest trace of concern wavering his voice.
I cleared my throat. “Nah, man. Just not all there this morning.” I shoved the red key into the lock and turned. The drawer sprung open at me, along with that box in the back of my mind that I tried so fucking hard to keep closed.
The smell.
The sickeningly sweet smell of what was in here—
A hand squeezed gently on my shoulder, a black and silver ring shining on the index finger. Seeing the book that was still in my hand, he tugged it from my grip. Releasing my shoulder, my best friend tucked my most prized possession in the back of the filing cabinet, shut the drawer, and turned the lock.
“I dunno what happened back in Darlington Harbour, mate,” he started, running a hand through his hair. “But I know that my best friend is going through some shit right now … and I have a sneaking suspicion he’s busting his own balls to deal with it alone. Would I be correct?”
I stared at him—
My oldest friend.
The person I trusted most in this world.
The person I owed my fucking life to.
Biting on my tongue so hard I could taste blood, I shoved every instinct of denial down. Down farther, away from that box in the back of my mind. Away from me, away from JJ.
I nodded.
He let out what seemed to be a breath of relief, and something cracked inside me. He’d seen me. Of course he’d seen me. Heknew me better than anyone else. He knew who I was, inside and out.
