Page 89 of Keep Your Guard Up
I’ve lost count of how many times it has happened since, but you know what they say? You never forget your first.
We were arguing on the staircase at the house as she attempted to storm upstairs and lock herself in the bedroom again. She’d snatched my phone from me when she’d seen a single message from Jane come through.
Jane: No worries. We’ll up your carb load next check-in.
My dietician had messaged me, and my wife had been losing her shit.
“She’s my dietician, Talia. Ihaveto have contact with her,” was the last thing I’d said before her open palm swung around and slapped me clean across the face.
“I-I’m so sorry. Chance, baby … I’m so sorry! It was an accident!” she’d cried.
And I’d believed her.
23rd January 2017
She turned up at training today. Her phone clutched in her hand so tight I thought she’d break it. When I finished my session with Dylan, she waved him off before pulling me aside to ‘talk’ out in the carpark. It was so late in the day, of course there was no one else there. She showed me a screen, shoved the phone in my face, and told me to ‘explain this’. I had no fucking clue what I was looking at. It was message requests on Instagram, seemingly from both men and women. I was confused, since she was the one who ran my Instagram account, and I asked her what I needed to explain. She slapped me straight across the face and started yelling at me about the fact that I had ‘bitches messaging’ me and I certainly did have something to explain. I reminded her that I didn’t have any social media downloaded on my phone, and that she was the one who wanted to run all of those accounts for me. She started screaming, wailing about ‘How I could do this to her’. I felt I deserved this, for making her feel this way. So I didn’t try and duck when the next punch came through.
3rd March 2017
I met up with JJ for a fight night we both wanted to see in Darlington Stadium. My phone blew up the whole night, but I had it on silent during the fights. After the card ended, I saw I had over fifty missed calls from Talia and nearly two hundred text messages. Ironically enough, when I called her back, she didn’t answer.
Message after message accused me of dressing up too much for ‘a night out with JJ’, saying the most abhorrent things about JJ (things that made me sick to my fucking stomach to read), telling me everything that’s wrong with me; I’m a bad husband; I’m nothing of a man; I’m lucky she chooses to put up with me and my shit. I got home that night to find a pillow and light blanket at the foot of the front door. The deadbolt was over the door too, so my keys were virtually useless.
I managed to sneak inside through the back window and went to crash on the couch with my flimsy little blanket and pillow. Sleeping on the leather couch, cold and by myself, sounded like the warmer option.
4th March 2017
Talia wasn’t happy I slept on the couch. The engagement ring I bought her cut me across the face when she closed-fist punched me.
March 19th 2017
It was raining today. She scratched long, sharp nails down my arm, drawing blood in multiple locations. Said I needed to stop sooking about something as silly as a ‘slap on the wrist’.
My bad; it’s my fault for making her so miserable when it rains.
1st April 2017
I accepted another fight deal from Baltis today. Out bank accounts were running nearly empty after Talia’s latest shopping spree. I was on my way to training when she called me, claiming she’d forgotten her keys yet again. When I arrived back at the house, half an hour later, she was in tears, screaming and sobbing about how I never want to spend time with her, I’m never home. The usuals.
I was tired, already in a steep calorie deficit; I was fucking tired.
2nd April 2017 – 12.30 am
Funny how all of those expensive, designer items hurt just as bad as their Target lookalike when they’re thrown at you.
15th April 2017
She forgot her keys again tonight. But she needed the car to ‘go driving’. When I reminded her I have a last minute fight I signed onto because we are financially in trouble, she told me to ‘stop being so selfish’. I found two new joint credit cards I’d never signed for in the mail. When she came back two hours later, she’d already maxed one of them out with new handbags, clothes, and a gold bracelet.
17th April
I confronted her about the credit cards at dinner, how she forged my signature for them. She told me that it was my fault—I didn’t make enough money to support the life she deserved. I pushed too far on this one, telling her we could live a better life if she didn’t spend every cent we have on ‘stuff’. She flipped out, yelled at me, and stabbed me in the arm with her fork.
The bleeding wasn’t bad enough, so I bandaged it over at home.
20th April 2017
She confronted me about why we weren’t having sex anymore before we went to sleep. I told her I was sorry, but I just hadn’t been in the mood lately. I reminded her I was still in a steep calorie deficit and preparing for a fight in three weeks. She reminded me sex was a part of a healthy relationship, and I was the one ruining this for us. She pushed and pushed and pushed—refusing to let me sleep until she’d gotten what she wanted. So, I gave in. I didn’t finish, couldn’t bring myself to. She slept peacefully after we were done. I didn’t sleep at all.
