Page 97 of Carnal Urges
“I only have one thing.”
“Which is?”
“Please don’t hurt Stavros. No matter how this turns out, leave him out of it. He doesn’t deserve to get hurt because of me.”
His chest expands with his slow inhalation. His voice comes out rough. “You’re very protective of him.”
“He’s a friend.”
“He’s an ex-lover.”
“He needs someone to look out for him.”
“We’re talking about a wealthy, grown man, not a child.”
“Oh, please. You’ve met him. You know what I mean.”
After a pause, Declan says grudgingly, “Aye.”
“So do you promise?”
Though I can’t see his face, I feel his confusion. “If you care for him so much, why aren’t you still with him? He’s in love with you.”
“No, he’s in love with my shoes.”
“I have no idea what that means.”
“It means he loves what I give him, not me. He doesn’t even know me. He’ll be head-over-heels for the next girl who meets his needs, trust me. My point is that I couldn’t live with myself if he were to get hurt because of something I did. Or didn’t do. Something related to us.”
When he doesn’t answer me, I say, “Please, Declan. It would mean a lot to me.”
“Are you this worried about all your exes?”
“No. Are you jealous?”
“Not of him.”
It sounds like he’s hedging the truth. “Of what, then?”
After a long moment, he answers reluctantly. “He didn’t have to force you. You chose him.”
I can tell he didn’t want to admit that, and it makes my heart ache that he did. I say gently, “You didn’t force me.”
“I kidnapped you. I took you against your will.”
“Let’s not get hung up on how this all started. Things could be worse. It’s not like we met in prison.”
He’s silent, thinking. When he doesn’t talk for too long, I say, “Spit it out.”
“The way your mind works continues to amaze me. Or maybe ‘confuse’ is the right word. I’ve never known anyone so able to accept things as they are without a shred of denial.”
“I wasn’t always this pragmatic. Life kicked my ass pretty good when I was a kid. Lucky for me, too, because it brought out thefighter in me. If I was never knocked down, I’d never have discovered the strength it took to stand back up. And to keep getting up after every future kick, knowing that I could.”
He murmurs, “‘Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls.’”
“And ‘the most massive characters are seared with scars.’”
His heavy exhalation sounds depressed. “Fuck.”
