Page 37 of Brutal Vows
I close my eyes, draw a breath, count to ten, then open my eyes again. I say calmly, “Do you want to die in prison?”
“Didyou?”
I was willing to, if it meant I’d never be whipped bloody again.
Instead of saying that, I say, “I didn’t kill my husband.”
“Quit lying,zia! Everybody knows! Why do you think they’re all so scared of you?”
“People are scared of any woman who speaks her mind and doesn’t put up with their bullshit. Now, listen. You said Quinn was kind to you when you spoke. He took an interest in your life. And I think we may be able to convince him to allow you to go to college. So though he has the charm of a rotting carcass, he might prove to be endurable.”
Who am I kidding? Her life’s going to be one long nightmareGroundhog Day.
Lili leaps to her feet and cries passionately, “Ican’tmarry him,zia!”
My heart goes out to her, but I can’t waver on this. I make my voice firm. “I completely understand your feelings, but the contract is inescapable. If you don’t marry him, it will ruin the family. Your father’s life will be over. Literally, I mean. The Mob will put a bullet in his head for the disrespect.”
I pause, hesitating to tell her this and upset her even more. But she needs to know exactly what’s at stake.
“They’ll do something terrible to you, too. Somethingworsethan death, especially if Quinn discovers you’re not a virgin. We’ll talk about how you can fake that later, but the bottom line is that you’ll marry the Irishman.”
“No, I won’t! I’m in love with Juan Pablo!”
This is when I notice the small dark bruise on the side of her throat.
Except it’s not a bruise. I know a love bite when I see one.
Feeling sick, I stride over to the wardrobe and throw open the doors.
It’s empty.
Lili is sobbing behind me. “I’m in love with him. I don’t care about the stupid contract or what anybody thinks. I’d rather die than marry anyone else.I’d rather die!”
I turn and look at her tearstained face. At the agony in her eyes. At all her shaking, frenzied fervor, and feel a twinge of jealousy.
At least she had this. At least she loved once. The memory of what she shares with Juan Pablo will help sustain her through all the dark and lonely years to come.
The only thing I had to sustain me was the hope that one of Enzo’s violent rages would end in my death.
They never did, though. He beat me near to it many times, but death never came to rescue me.
I had to rescue myself instead.
I cross to Lili and take her in my arms. She clings to me and sobs against my chest, her shoulders shaking. Smoothing a hand over her hair, I hold her and make soothing noises until she’s calmed down a little and is only hiccuping.
“Tesoro,”I murmur. “My beautiful girl. You’re the daughter I never had, and I love you.”
Lili whispers, “I love you too,zia.”
“I know you do. And I want you to know that however I can support you through this, I will. I’ll always be here for you. I’ll always take care of you. I’ll never abandon you, do you understand?”
She whimpers.
My voice hardens. “And I promise you that if your new husband ever lays a finger on you in anger, I will end his life.”
That’s as close to an admission of my capabilities as I’ve ever come, but these are dire circumstances.
She lifts her head and stares at me through watering eyes. My heart aching, I wipe the tears from her cheeks with my thumbs.
